Monday, June 29, 2015

What If There Was A Monkey In My Swimming Pool?


What If There Was A Monkey In My Swimming Pool?

Skeptic. So as you can see I've started my monthly Blog with a very serious word. Mega serious. Titanium (which is more precious, hence more valuable than platinum, which a few years ago was one leg up on gold), serious. Picture me, mouth pointed down, brows furrowed, teeth nattering, eyes pinpricks of squinty fire, that's how serious that word is.
            Okay, done, back to my usual mad as a thimble-full-of-olive-oil look. Man, that first paragraph is a killer. You're probably skeptical of me, but I'll stick to serious in my novels from now on.
            So one of the best books on writing I ever read was titled, 'There's A Monkey In My Swimming Pool'. The opening page simply read, 'What If?' In big letters.
            My mind was racing on ten different tangents. I wanted to grab a pencil and start jotting down what was ricocheting around in my subconscious.  Not to mention that I had just eaten my Frank's 'He puts that hot &$@*' stuff on everything meaner-than-junkyard-dog-fed-a-cordon-bleu-chicken-burger taco wrap. So needless to say, there were a few other things wanting to blast out of me as well. But that is a tale of gastric malodorous woes for another day.
            The next page simply read, 'Is your mind racing?'.
            It was. I was hooked and bought the book.
            Next page read, 'Congrats, you are a born writer'. Which when I got home I was beginning to think, I got ripped off for buying a book for $15.95 and getting three words a page, why didn't I think of it?
            Next page, 'Now write, damn it, write'.
            And I did, filling twelve pages with some silly story that didn't win me a Pulitzer Prize (and for those that know me, know I'm a very serious chap). See beginning paragraph if you don't believe me.
            Well I'm serious at least on the 9th and 14th of the month, between the hours of 3:14-4:48 AM. Which thankfully I'm usually asleep dreaming of being on the planet from the movie 'Amazon Lust Slaves From Hell' and my job is to service the kitchen dishwasher, while the other denizens of the planet (all female of course), run around naked.  Well I did say, 'From Hell'. If the movie was titled 'From Heaven', I'd be the only serviceable male and I'd be raking in the dough unplugging all of the toilets.
So some are probably thinking what is the point of this blog by now. Give me a moment to think of something....
Got it.
            When something unusual catches your eye, you hear a great story or are stuck with writers block, as a writer ask 'What If'. 
            I had writers block once. Think it was the letter F, could have been K, but sure it was the letter F.
            So if stuck in a dilemma on a plot outcome, just ask 'What If' or if not a writer than simply call in the SPCA, throw a dozen bananas in the swimming pool for the chimpanzee and watch the fun begin.
            As for the monkey see END NOTE below.
END NOTE: No monkeys or other animals were hurt, tested on, read to or compromised in any way during the usage of this blog. This blog has been approved by the WWF and Lovers of Furry Critters In New Zealand Society.

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