Was I Supposed To Declare That?

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Was I Supposed To Declare That?

 The main charactor Carol Ainsworth in my newest novel is an undercover detective so when a customer came into my shop and mentioned he was a retired border guard, I was intrigued, especially after he related to me some of his stories. Because as I've discovered in life you can't write something as crazy as some people’s experiences. Fact is indeed stranger than most fiction.

I discovered he had published a book about his adventures in trying to keep our country safe and protected. Man, he had some stories to tell. You are probably all aware that a vehicle can be pulled out of the lineup completely at random, as not everyone follows the rules. Or are actually aware of the rules. (My advice here is make yourself aware of the rules!) Some of the excuses were beyond belief. "What? You didn't ask me to declare that. You should have informed me of everything I need to declare." Which would mean he'd have to spend about four hours going through a raft of books questioning every vehicle’s occupants as to whether they have with them anything that is not allowed to be brought in or is dangerous. Imaging the border queues then, eh?

Drugs are the most likely to be hidden and these people are so smart with their hiding places. They must have to virtually strip the car down to nuts and bolts and re-build it – and then do it all again to get them out! Of course, it’s not only the vehicles they hide them in (and I think you know what I’m getting at!) so if you’re thinking of border guard as a profession, be aware it will involve rubber gloves. They are also asked to help the police track down suspected drug smugglers, as the border guards don't need a search warrant to go through your possessions.

It is also very unwise to present yourself at the border drunk. Especially if you’re the driver. Some so far-gone they can’t stand, some who have attempted to run the border crossing and even some who have presented impromptu “donations”. Sorry dude but you can’t just drive in and pass out in the parking lot. Also, if asked to strip for a search it’s a good idea not to start humming “The Stripper” and trying to entertain the border guard to an “sexy dance routine” complete with flying underwear.

Two of the stories stuck in my mind. The guy who tried to smuggle an older car across the border only to realize he had different plates front and rear. But probably the best (or worst!), and this is where you gotta shake your head in disbelief, was the elderly American couple in the motorhome coming up to visit the "Wilds of Canada, where wild animals and Indians roam freely." Acting on a niggling feeling he asked for a check and found nearly twenty guns and handguns. For self-protection they said! Well after being fined $50 per gun and had them seized, needless to say the holiday came to a very abrupt end and back to America they went. I guess they didn't recon on dealing with the wild and wholly Canadian border guards.

 Sincerely

Frank Talaber

twosoulmates@shaw.ca

Here's two of my Newest reviews for my new novel, The Joining, cover at the top of the page. 

I hate You! My wife who is off on medical leave, won't get out of the bathroom. Can't put your book down. LOL. Bruce W.

I talked to Frank at work and bought four of his novels, all right up my alley, urban Fantasy and Paranormal thrillers. But as we were leaving my girlfriend opened up the copy of The Joining, I had purchased and said, "Stop! You gotta go back I have to buy this book." Frank had hooked her in the first three pages. Well Done.  Joyce Nicholls

Frank Talaber’s Writing Style? He usually responds with: Mix Dan Millman (Way of The Peaceful Warrior) with Charles De Lint (Moonheart) and throw in a mad scattering of Tom Robbins (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues).
PS: He’s better looking than Stephen King (Carrie, The Stand, It, The Shining) and his romantic stuff will have you gasping quicker than Robert James Waller (Bridges Of Madison County).

Or as is often said: You don’t have to be mad to be a writer, but it sure helps.

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My webpage:

http://twosoulmates.wixsite.com/frankt-author-blog

My Publishers Page:

http://www.bookswelove.com/authors/talaber-frank-paranormal-suspense-romance/

My novels on Amazon are at:  https://www.amazon.com/Frank-Talaber/e/B00UC407R0

https://www.facebook.com/FrankTalaber/

https://www.facebook.com/franktalaberpublishedauthor/ (My facebook short story page)

https://about.me/ftalaber

Twitter: @FrankTalaber

Hot Fudge Sundae Cake Recipe for Fun by J.Q. Rose

Deadly Undertaking by J.Q. Rose
Mystery, paranormal

Click here to find mysteries by J.Q. Rose at BWL Publishing

Hello and welcome to the BWL Insiders Blog! 

Hot Fudge Sundae Cake Recipe for Fun

Hot Fudge Sundae Cake Recipe for Fun by J.Q. Rose

March is the month of shamrocks and leprechauns. It's also the month of waiting. Waiting for the sun to shine up north, the winter weather to wind down, the March Madness college basketball frenzy to begin, and for that first glimpse of spring to show up in your yard. 

Needless to say Up North in the USA, folks are worn out with the horrible record-breaking snowstorms and floods. (I'm sure many of you reading this post are feeling the same about winter.) So let's have some fun today and bake a cake, a unique chocolate cake.

This cake is extra special because not only is it a tasty cake, but it also makes fudge sauce to top off ice cream so you can enjoy cake AND a hot fudge sundae all-in-one. Now, what's more fun than a hot fudge sundae? My favorite!

Ooey-gooey Hot Fudge Sundae Cake
Courtesy of Starr Roan

How lucky I was to come upon a recipe in my Church Ladies Cookbook. In my experience, all the best tried and true recipes are found in these cookbooks. No bowl or beaters to clean up after putting it together because it is mixed in the pan. Finish the process by pouring hot water over the batter and put the dish in the oven. Yeah, really! 
Caution: Be sure to use a large enough dish and place it on a piece of aluminum foil just in case the sauce boils over out of the pan.

Here's the recipe! Thank you Starr for sharing this in The Fruit of the Spirit Cookbook, Fremont United Methodist Church.

Hot Fudge Sundae Cake Recipe

Step 1 in the Recipe

1. Stir the following ingredients together in an ungreased 9 x 9-inch pan.
1 c. flour
3/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. cocoa
2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt

Step 2 in the Recipe

2. Add the following ingredients to the pan.
1/2 c. milk
2 T. oil
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix with a fork until smooth.
Spread evenly in pan. 

Step 3 in the Recipe

3. Mix together 1 c. brown sugar and 2 T. cocoa. Sprinkle over batter.
Pour 1 3/4 c. hot water over batter. Do not stir.

Step 4 Place the cake in the oven and check it as it bakes for 40 minutes.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes. Let stand 15 minutes. Spoon cake into dishes and top with ice cream. Spoon extra sauce from pan over top.

Ta-dah! Be sure to let it stand for 15 minutes.

I must admit I didn't take a picture of the hot fudge sauce topping on the cake and ice cream. I didn't even think of it until my card-playing group had cleaned their plates!  

Have you made this cake? Did you like it? Do you like chocolate cake? Let me know in the comments below. 

I hope this recipe has added some fun to your March day. 
Thank you for stopping in.

***

Author J.Q. Rose

Click here to connect online with J.Q. Rose

Piranha Fishing on the Amazon River by Stuart R. West

One click away from mystery, murder and humor.

Continuing our further (mis)adventures in the Amazon Rain Forest...

After another night of sleeplessness, we... Oh. Wait. Did I not tell you the unfortunate sleeping circumstances of our lodgings?

You see, the Heliconia Lodge is very nice, offers great food, and the staff is top-notch. 

But seeing as we're in the jungle, of course, air conditioning is unheard of. Electricity, too, for the most part, which is why the lodge runs off a generator. Naturally it wouldn't make much sense to run it full time, so they turn it off three times a day, usually when I wanted to shower.

(Side note on showering: Our first day at the Heliconia, we kept going out on excursions and each time I'd soak through my clothes. Not by rain, mind you, but sweat. So I kept showering and changing clothes. Six wardrobe changes in one day, I felt like Cher in Vegas. By the next day, I pretty much just gave up on hygiene. Sure, you didn't want to sit downwind of me, but everyone in our group was in the same boat. Literally.).

Anyway, I could live without electricity during the days. We were never in our room anyway. But then they'd power down the generator every night at midnight. The room fans would stop as the entire compound ground down with a dying, monstrous groan: pretty much an alarm clock to jolt me awake. I usually clocked in a solid 45 minutes before the generator stopped.

In bed. NEVER asleep!

Then nature's sound machine took over, keeping me up most of the night. (And the endless sweat, natch. In fact, I've come up with the perfect slogan for the Heliconia Lodge: "At Heliconia, we sweat the hell outta you!")

What does nature's sound machine sound like, you ask? Kinda like this (ahem)...

"OOOH, OOOH, AHHH, EEEK, EEEK, EEEK, OOT, OOT, AHHH, OOOT, HOOO, HOOOO, OOOOOO, EEEK, EEEEK, AIEEEEE..."

You get the drift. Some kind of unidentified bug/animal/monster took to haunting me right outside our room: it sounded like a blacksmith pounding out metal. Also, I was too busy wondering what sort of varmints were scampering around in our dark room to sleep. The horror stories about scorpions, tarantulas, and snakes didn't help.

So. Sleep deprived, missing the wonders of air conditioning and quiet, we wandered once again into the jungle on a medicinal plant trail, great for pharmacists, exhausting for we mere authors. 

Our guide, Antonio, using his version of G.P.S.: "Great Product of Survival"

However, we did something very cool. We planted mango trees in the Amazon jungle in honor of Earth Day. I'll gladly brave the sleepless nights, nocturnal monsters, and near death experiences by visiting again in five years to eat a mango from our tree.

Cool was the order of the day as later we went piranha fishing. Danger's my middle name (not really, not even close).

Time and time again on our trip, we'd been told piranha were good to eat. I'd never realized piranha was an edible fish, just sort of thought of it as an eating fish (remember: movies are my education). I kinda think it might just be practical on the Peruvians' behalf to eat what they have plenty of (otherwise I'm completely baffled by the choice of monkey's head soup). Oddly enough, though, piranha was never offered to us at the lodge. But we were prepared to catch dinner for everyone.

Off we went on our fishing expedition! I warned everyone I was prepared to fall. They all agreed, hardly a shocker. 

Before the fishing trip with happy and high expectations!

Hooks were baited, lines were sunk, and we waited. And waited. And waited, just merrily bob-bob-bobbing along. The blasted piranha kept nibbling at our bait, just eating it. Our buddy fed the piranha a lot (next fisherman: "Man, that's one fat fish.").

Only one of us snagged a piranha (teacher's pet, teacher's pet, teacher's pet!), a small one at that. 

Expectations dashed!

Still, all in all, how very awesome it is to snootily drop into conversation, pinky finger raised, "The other day we were on the Amazon River, fishing for piranha..."

While we're on the subject of sharp toothed critters, check out the second in the Zach and Zora comic mystery series, Murder by Massage. My hapless heroes face all sorts of shark-toothed, crocodile-teared types such as
dancing cops, ex-radical hippy militants, pompous pastors, and a creepy set of "Furries." What're you waiting for? The party's started and it's a blast!