https://books2read.com/Rough-Business

Survival kits. Turns out that’s a thing. So, if civilized society is gone and you are on your own, what do you do?

I live in Toronto. A city of 6-7 million people. Does one require a survival guide? Would one find it has expired before you got out of town in the horrendous traffic? Does one need something from a survival guide if they continue to write in third person?

The first thing required is water. OK. It water supply is tainted. I simply walk across the street and there sits Lake Ontario. There must be dozens of gallons of water in it. Problem solved. Or is it. Turns out the sun is glistening off the film of diesel fuel on the surface of the water. No sweat. Take a jug of it home and pour it through a coffee filter. Remember to save some of the filters for coffee. Because, well, coffee is the centre of the universal.

Wait! We actually do need food, after all. The food court is closed so fast food is out of the question. Thus we will no longer have access to those nutritious morsels. Darn. I suggest you grab that fishing equipment and head down to the lake again. Sure, you could fish. What a chore that is. First you would have to invent bait. Remember, the sporting good stores are closed. Here’s the answer. Grab that net, go to the lake and turn around. There will be dozens of pigeons pleading for food. I expect the irony will be lost on them when you invite them for supper.

Of course, there is the risk of injury. Thus medical supplies are required. Should you cut yourself, don’t panic. Just recall the last movie you saw with a gunfight. Follow the steps they took very carefully. First wince and groan at the site and pain of the injury. Secondly, rip a piece of cloth from your filthy shirt. I expect it rips as easy as it does on the silver screen. Pour some liquor on the wound. Take a good long drink. Be sure to spill some on yourself. Tie the piece of clothing securely in place. Don’t worry about all the blood seeping through. It’s cleansing the wound and is also an awesome special effect. Finally, relax. I have it on good authority that every one of those actors survived to make more movies.