How To Give A Compliment by Julie Christen

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Complimenting 101

There are so many tiny, significant things in life that we can do to make a positive impact on people around us. I'm not just talking about positively impacting our loved ones, those whom we care most deeply, though this lesson applies quite heartily to them as well. I'm also speaking about making an impact on people we may not even know, or possibly never see more than once in our brief, little blips here on this planet. These simple things are easy, cost nothing, and take no time at all. But they do require thought and a smidgeon of practice. 

I'm talking about compliments. Specific, detailed, and heartfelt compliments. It's surprising how well these rules apply to writing reviews for authors!

I don't pretend to be an expert at this, mind you, but I do pay attention to the masters. I notice how they make me feel. I dream of being like them. I want to leave that kind of impression on someone, the kind that lingers in some good way. I don't expect acknowledgement, really. I just want to try hard enough to fuel a soft hope within me that tells me I did. 

And that's enough. 

#1: Be specific. "You're awesome," and "Thank you for all you do," are nice starts. They certainly get the ball rolling. Unfortunately, that's where many people stop. The reality is, those blanket statements, standing alone, are really just white noise. People appreciate them in the moment but forget them quickly. They might even come across as canned. 

What single thing did that special person do that was worthy of "awesome"? Who was involved? Where did the complimentary moment(s) happen? When did you realize these specific things were praise-worthy?

Help the person you are complimenting remember the specifics. They quite probably don't.

#2: Be detailed. Use sensory words to help them understand. Lay out an example. Give the person a frame of reference that brings them to the conclusion that they do, indeed, deserve the compliment. Many are too quick to dismiss a compliment. They may be overly humble. They may be skeptical. They may be lacking in self-esteem. 

Prove they are worthy with the details. 

Tell them why they have earned it. 

Hope that it encourages them to do it again or keep on keeping on.

#3: Be genuine. Speak from a vulnerable place in your heart. Use your "feelings words."  Tell them how they made you feel. This is not about you. It's about them. It's about giving something away, expecting nothing in return.

Treat each compliment like a gift to be treasured.

So that it will be.

#4: Repeat.