Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Will Someone Pass Me The Nuts?

Will Someone Pass Me The Nuts?

People have remarked that one of the things they enjoyed from my new novel “Thunderbird’s Wake” is the banter between the two main characters, Carol and Charlie. When I was going through all the edits and had others editing as well. Trust me my editing and grammatical skills leave much to be desired. Hey, I just write the stuff and hopefully leave them laughing. I think that humour can be well used and if you can make someone laugh, it not only brightens their day, but should help sell a book. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Carol and Charlie. Those scenes were done in one sitting and required virtually no editing. That’s when you know you’re in the writing groove and when you’ve got solid realistic characters. They often take over and begin to write the scenes and dialogue themselves.

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From Thunderbird’s Wake

(Charlie has just managed to talk Carol to joining him from her holidays and help solve a case in a penitentiary where Charlie has just got his first job)

“You’ve never worked before?” Carol said as she entered his office. She stared pointedly at the largely blank sheet of paper that was Charlie’s resume. He looked up at her, he had been busy reading from the stack of documents sitting on the desk before him.
“Well, I’m a shaman. You know, live-off-the-land type. Help little animals fight oppression, the lack of nuts and the Freedom of Planting Act.”
“The what?”
“The Freedom of Planting Act. It gives squirrels, chipmunks and even crows and ravens the right to plant fallen nuts wherever they desire.”
Carol shook her head and smiled. “Can’t say I’ve missed this inane banter of yours. But really, never had a real paying job before? How is this possible in our day and age?”
“I’ve had a few small jobs, fishing, selling jack pine mushrooms, got paid in cash. Darn Japanese are crazy, they’ll pay nearly a thousand dollars a pound for the stuff. And they eat sushi, raw fish, yuck.” Charlie wrinkled his nose. “Good to see you too Carol, I knew you were a person of your word.”
Carol scratched at her shoulder where the sunburn hurt the worst. She hated him being right most of the time. “I thought you were a native, eat wild roots, live off the land. Smoke salmon.”
“Yeah, but this is the twenty-first century. We’ve got electricity. Cooked, deep fried, breaded, now we’re talking. Raw! Hell, haven’t you heard of fish lice? They’ll eat you alive from the inside out. That’s it. I can’t read anymore. If I knew I had to read this much, I’d have thought twice about getting hired. “Charlie got up and headed out the door of his office, chucking down the wad of paper before him.
“Hey, where you going?”
“Cafeteria, see if old Sandy will do me up a smoked salmon sandwich. Talking about food gets a guy hungry. Are you coming?”
Carol decided to join him. “You can’t seriously be telling me you rerouted all of the applications so they’d have to accept yours?”
“Okay, so I won’t tell you.” Charlie laughed as he tapped his cane down the hallway.
“How did you tamper with the federal mail? Oh, let me guess.”
“Nephews and uncles.” They said at the same time.
“You’re getting it.”
Carol groaned. He either had great balls to pull off this kind of grandiose lunatic kind of stunt or dumb shit ass luck. Probably mainly the latter, she muttered to herself, remembering the incident earlier in the year with the smuggling out of the deceased shaman’s remains into Stanley Park that Charlie had arranged by another of his ‘nephews’. But she knew this, if he thought the man was murdered, he most likely was. Now they had to find just cause. “Okay take me out to the sweat lodge after we eat.”

And if you enjoy that, maybe my newest video promoting myself and my writing will bring a chuckle to you as well at the link below. Sorry I tried to download it here, but it was many megapixies. Although I didn't know that pixies came in extra large, Learned something new today. Copy and paste and have a chuckle.

And just to let everyone know I'll also be attending The Creative Ink Writers Festival at the end of the month. Hope to see some of you there. 
Link below.

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Frank Talaber’s Writing Style? He usually responds with: Mix Dan Millman (Way of The Peaceful Warrior) with Charles De Lint (Moonheart) and throw in a mad scattering of Tom Robbins (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues). PS: He’s better looking than Stephen King (Carrie, The Stand, It, The Shining) and his romantic stuff will have you gasping quicker than Robert James Waller (Bridges Of Madison County).
Or as is often said: You don’t have to be mad to be a writer, but it sure helps.

Writer by soul. Karma the seed. Words born within.
Paper the medium. Pen the muse. Novels the fire.

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Twitter: @FrankTalaber