Saturday, April 22, 2017

Never, Never, Ever Play Poker With Raccoons

Never, Never, Ever Play Poker With Raccoons

This is my after Easter blog post. Hey, everyone posts on Easter, thought more people would read it after. Especially the harassed Easter Bunny.
Which begs me to ask the question, how is it possible that a bunny lays colored eggs? But that’s just me, I often ask What if? Questions.
Like what if Santa flew on a sled pulled by reindeer? I’ve often wondered just how thick those long-johns of his are, mighty chilly up there all night long. You think he’d never make it over China or Russia without being shot down? I recon the underneath of his sled and the reindeer's hooves are coated in the same radar reflective Stealth Technology as the US Air Force uses. PS, since he’s been around a lot longer, I think he’s got the patents to it all and is basking in his royalty cheques in the off season (like the other 364 days). Man, now that’s a job I’d like to have.
 Back to today’s topic. I played poker the other day with two raccoons, Rocky and Ricky. They were twins I think, looked the same, but then they say that about us as well. “Humans, since they walk upright we can’t tell them apart as raccoons traditionally have bad eyesight and we can’t get glasses.”
I managed to lose by betting my outdoor statue, Stumpy on the outcome. See the video below and you’ll know what I mean.


I’m also in the process of starting my first Author’s Newsletter page. Go to my Facebook published author’s page, and on the left side you’ll see email signup.

And sign up. You could win some nifty free swag, like ah, I don’t know, let me look around the room. Oh, pencils, I’ve got some cool pencils. And dust, lots of dust. I can give away all of my dust. Man, why didn’t I think of this earlier.
As for the raccoons, they won, only to find out Stumpy is too big for them to take away. Raccoons don’t do take away, they eat everything on the spot.
So they rioted and pushed Stumpy over and tore up all of my tulips. Man, I wish they’d learn to use a lawnmower. I wouldn’t mind it if they cut my grass instead. But that’s a tale for another day.
And if you enjoy that, maybe my newest video promoting myself and my writing will bring a chuckle to you as well.

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My HollyWood Blurb for Raven's Lament: When Harry Met Sally, slammed into Canada's Karate Kid, set in a Harry Potter backdrop and populated by Native Mythical Beings
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Thunderbird's Wake, The Hollywood Blurb: Green Mile set on the west coast, screenplay by Agatha Christie, Directed by Quentin Tarantino. 

Frank Talaber’s Writing Style? He usually responds with: Mix Dan Millman (Way of The Peaceful Warrior) with Charles De Lint (Moonheart) and throw in a mad scattering of Tom Robbins (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues). PS: He’s better looking than Stephen King (Carrie, The Stand, It, The Shining) and his romantic stuff will have you gasping quicker than Robert James Waller (Bridges Of Madison County).
Or as is often said: You don’t have to be mad to be a writer, but it sure helps.

Writer by soul. Karma the seed. Words born within.
Paper the medium. Pen the muse. Novels the fire.

My websites

Twitter: @FrankTalaber

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