Life 101, 102 or 103 (pick a class, any class)

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Life 101, 102 or 103 (pick a class, any class)

Summer’s here! The mosquitoes have arrived in waves and they’ve drunk enough of my blood to give Dracula a week-long hangover. I wonder what he takes for a hangover? Not Eno, I bet, maybe hair of the dog or in this case, hair of Hazel or George.

I also wonder what horrendously foul mood God (or Mother Nature, the big guy, dudette, cosmic teddy bear, Buddha, he, she or it; insert as appropriate to your beliefs) was in when he/she/it decided to invent winged vampires whose only purpose in life was to suck your blood. Couldn’t he have invented something more benign to feed the geckos?

            Which reminds me of my wife’s latest muse. She suddenly, out of nowhere, informed me that she thought gum was the most useless invention ever. Who in their right minds would invent something that you chew, chew, chew but never actually eat? What a nasty trick to play on your stomach, she said. She then challenged me to think of something invented by someone that was of less use than gum. I’m still working on that one!

            So who is the inventor of the (according to my wife) most useless thing ever invented? I think it was probably a dentist whose business was failing. Kinda like the story of the small town in the US where there was a spree of broken windows. Nothing stolen, so just vandals they thought. A few days later they arrested the local glazier! Genius, eh? Like the guy who reported to the police the theft of his duffel bag full of marijuana!

            Life and people make no sense at all sometimes, like the guy that decided to set the cruise control on his RV so he could go make a coffee, with the inevitable result. He was compensated over twenty million for that brainstorm because it didn’t tell you in the manual not to leave the wheel whilst the RV was on cruise control and we got the ridiculous list of dos and don’ts on any product you buy. Like, caution this hot coffee is hot! Man, good thing they told me that, I’d never have known.

            Or explain to me how a package of frozen cauliflower has to read “gluten free”. Isn’t it always?

            Or how a packet of peanuts has the caution “may contain nuts”.

I know now you’re wondering what’s the point of this blog. Well, it was my 60^th birthday yesterday. I can start collecting a pension and get discounts on my meals. I remember back in my twenties when I thought I had figured out life, the mysteries of the universe and how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar. I’ve learned so much since then that I now realize I knew nothing back then, but I know even less now as I’ve forgotten most of what I learned anyhow. Age does that, you know.

In the end somethings just never change and the universe is a wonderful place, full of bizarre riddles. Damn, there’s another mozzy on my arm.

Sincerely

Frank Talaber

twosoulmates@shaw.ca

My webpage

http://twosoulmates.wixsite.com/frankt-author-blog

Frank Talaber’s Writing Style? He usually responds with: Mix Dan Millman (Way of The Peaceful Warrior) with Charles De Lint (Moonheart) and throw in a mad scattering of Tom Robbins (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues).
PS: He’s better looking than Stephen King (Carrie, The Stand, It, The Shining) and his romantic stuff will have you gasping quicker than Robert James Waller (Bridges Of Madison County).

Or as is often said: You don’t have to be mad to be a writer, but it sure helps.

My novels on Amazon are at:  https://www.amazon.com/Frank-Talaber/e/B00UC407R0

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http://bwlpublishing.ca/authors/talaber-frank-suspense-urban-fantasy-canada/

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Twitter: @FrankTalaber

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