All Hail the A.P. S. by Karla Stover

 

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     Wonderful Great Britain, whose residents are not afraid to create an Apostrophe Protection Society, (APS) whereas, we in the United States have the Kardashians. I ask you: Where's the fairness?

     John Richards, a man described as a "sub-editor" created the  APS in 2001 "with the specific aim of preserving the correct use of this currently much abused punctuation mark in all forms of text written in the English language." The society's website includes examples such as, "Dont't Drink And Drive," "Ladies's," and "A Good Pun is it's Own Reward."  When faced with abuse, "Richards says he has a standard, polite letter that explains the basic rules for apostrophe use. He sends it to supporters to forward on to offending businesses and other organisations." However, according to the website "Everything2.com," others "take a more militant approach. Apparently, one man carries around a roll of tape and an envelope filled with several different sizes of apostrophes; whenever he spots an offending sign—say, one offering "Mens Haircuts" or "Smiths Butchery," he simply sticks one on. And at least one  English teacher always has a red marker for whenever he encounters a superfluous apostrophe—whether it's on a student's paper or a flyer on a train—he takes a moment to" make a correction.
     According to "The English Project," the APS has had up to 2,000,000 members. Sadly, the website goes on to say that "Despite the Apostrophe Protection Society’s campaigning, a man named Robert Burchfieldt has been campaigning for this punctuation mark's banishment, and Civil authorities are beginning to do just that. The Guardian reports ‘Apostrophe Catastrophes’ all over Britain." Esteemed businesses such as Harrods, Currys, Selfridges, and Barclays Bank have been accused of Corporate Abuse and are being asked to return what Lynne Truss, author of Eat, Shoots & Leaves, calls Santa's Little Helpers. Indeed, Ms. Truss once stood outside a cinema with an apostrophe on a stick to show how easy it would have been to correct the movie title, Two Weeks Notice.

     In 1991, Marc Abrahams, editor and co-founder of the Annals of Improbable Research created the Ig Nobels, to recognize discoveries "that cannot, or should not, be reproduced. Examples range from a discovery that the presence of humans tends to sexually arouse ostriches, to the statement that black holes fulfill all the technical requirements for being the location of Hell, and to research on the 'five-second-rule', a tongue-in-cheek belief that food dropped on the floor will not become contaminated if it is picked up within five seconds. In 2002, John Richards joined the ranks of winners for his efforts "to protect, promote, and defend the differences between the plural and the possessive."

     Last week I read that the APS had been officially shut down but now I can't find the article so I emailed John Richards. I'm happy to report it's still active. I am also happy that the title of my book, Wynters Way didn't need an apostrophe because Wynters Way is the name of a house similar to Daphne Du Maurier's Manderley. Good company to be in.