Grandparenting – The Joys and the Pitfalls

A Visit to the Grandparents by Adolph Tidemand 1859

Everyone undergoes life-changing events. Some are happy, others sad. Becoming a grandparent is, without doubt, a uniquely exciting and enriching experience. Research suggests that grandchildren find exceptional emotional and mental benefits in their relationships with grandparents. A bond of genetically-disposed acceptance and trust is formed between the two. Kids who grow up with emotional closeness with grandparents are less likely to become depressed as adults, one study shows. This well-being extends into the teenage years.

Children find grandparents to be a major source of support during family disruptions. They are taken as role models and mentors for younger generations. Sometimes they're playmates for their grandchildren. They are important in teaching values, introducing ethnic heritage and passing on family traditions.

For grandparents, the presence of grandchildren provide tangible health and emotional benefits. Caring for little ones keep adults mentally sharp, boost social connections and stave off depression. Grandparents who babysit grandkids live longer than same age adults without child-rearing responsibilites, according to recent research. 

While becoming a grandparent bring much joy, some pitfalls may occur, especially in relations between grandparents and their adult children. Even if one has raised a dozen kids, the new parents will assume that grandparents know nothing about raising children. The rule for grandparents is not to offer guidance unless requested. Better to bite the tongue than to offer unasked-for advice.

In the excitement of becoming grandparents, some tread on the toes of the parents when it comes to rules on how to raise the child. Grandparents have to remember that the primary caretaker will always be the parents. Boundaries need to be respected.

Sometimes the birth of a grandchild can trigger old or buried emotions, relating to childhood or control issues. This can occur both with the parents and the grandparents. These will usually go away with time and goodwill on both sides.

Somewhere along the line, both have to let go of expectations. The grandparents may not have as much access to the grandchildren as they desire, and parents may not receive as much support as they want. It is best to live in the moment, to be grateful for pleasant surprises and to enjoy what fortune brings.

Mohan Ashtakala (www.mohanashtakala.com) is the author of 'The Yoga Zapper' a Fantasy and 'KarmaNation' a Literary Romance. He is published by Books We Love (www.bookswelove.com)