More Than Just A Marriage by Eden Monroe

 

For details and purchase information visit Eden Monroe's BWL Author Page

Today our romantic notion of marriage is much different in many ways than it once was. The institution of marriage is actually more than 4,000 years old with the first such ceremony of record, taking place in 2,350 BC in Mesopotamia according to The Week.

In many parts of the world the purpose of getting married was more in the nature of a transaction intended to serve as an alliance between two families for their mutual benefit. (Brides.com) That’s why the tradition of arranged marriages is still practiced in some cultures. Love actually has little to do with it at the outset, financial security is the driving force behind the liaison and although dowries are no longer part of the system in many of these instances, they remain a vital part of the arrangement in others.

And of course throughout the world there are several types of unions … outside of the ones we’re most familiar with such as monogamy, which is marrying one person at a time and polygamy - marrying more than one spouse (husband or wife) at the same time. Endogamy is the tradition of marrying only within the limits of a local community; exogamy is marrying outside the tribe or clan, polyandry is when women have more than one husband and polygyny - a man having more than one wife.

Marriage is usually a pretty straight-forward affair, but sometimes it arises under unusual circumstances, as in the romantic suspense novel When Fate Comes Calling, Book One of the Emerald Valley Ranch series:

Jessica’s deep brown eyes were doing some sparking of their own. “Of course I do! I will love him, brush him, bring him treats.”

 

Kane stopped a foot or two in front of where she sat. “Oh my G… listen to yourself! He’s not some Christmas pony. Savero would be a handful for the best of riders.”

Jessica leaned back and folded her arms firmly across her chest defiantly. “And that, would be you probably, would it? Well you can save your breath, Mr. Davidson. Your father gave me that horse and I’m keeping him. That’s the end of it.”

The lawyer was finally able to get their attention. “Not quite. Innis did make a suggestion in the event of any … um … disagreement. He indicated that there is a possibility of the horse remaining at Emerald Valley with a fifty-fifty ownership.”

“I’m listening.” Kane dropped back into his chair with what seemed to be renewed hope, although she was very certain he wouldn’t want to share ownership of the horse with her under any circumstances. “What’s the catch?”

Winslow looked from Kane to Jessica. “The catch, as you put it, Kane, is that to make that happen you and Jessica have to get married.”

Just as there are sometimes uncommon circumstances that lead to the tying of the knot, there are equally unusual customs undertaken at the ceremony itself (or sometimes a pre-wedding activity), all created it seems for the ultimate wellbeing of the couple themselves. In some countries these may still be practiced, in other countries perhaps not as much. In the “Highlands, Islands and rural bits of Scotland” there is the blackening of the bride and groom, when things such as mud, rotten food, fish guts, cow dung and feathers (“anything goes says orshopskye-journal.co.uk/) are thrown at the happy couple. The idea is that they’d be prepared for whatever may lie ahead in their married life. A Celtic ritual also still followed in Scotland is handfasting, the tying together of the bride and groom (by the hand, usually with a ribbon) during the ceremony itself.

Also according to miragenews.com, in German tradition the bride and groom saw through a log together, witnessed by the wedding guests. The rationale is that by doing this, the two prove they can work as a team to overcome obstacles they will face in married life. In Roma culture, the bride of choice is kidnapped by the prospective groom and then taken home with him. Negotiations with the bride’s family for her hand then ensue with the ideal outcome being a wedding ceremony. There is also the pre-wedding practice of blackening the groom.

Jumping the broom symbolizes a couple entering a new life together in African-American culture, as well as paying homage to their ancestors. In the Indonesian community of Tidong, a wedding couple is covered with a mixture of rice, flour and ash and then denied bathroom privileges for three nights (I assume just for washing up). The challenge is designed to allow them to experience this difficult situation together, believing it will make their relationship stronger as they begin their new life as man and wife.

For prosperity and luck in Kenya’s Maasai culture, the bride’s father spits on her head and chest before she leaves his home for good to be with her new husband.

 

Maasai bridal headband

         In Sweden male wedding guests are allowed to kiss the bride if the groom leaves the room and vice versa, all in the spirit of fun. The stealing of the groom’s shoes is a popular wedding tradition in India, and he must then bargain with the bride’s sisters and female cousins to get them back. In Greece there is plate smashing by the wedding guests to ward off evil spirits and bring the newlyweds (who clean them up) good luck, and if you’re a groom in South Korea, you’ve got a sound foot beating to look forward to – all done in good humour.

As for wedding cakes, that tradition began thousands of years ago too. In Roman times, grains of wheat in the form of cake crumbs were thrown at a newly married couple as a symbol of fertility, and the couple would eat them as a sign of unity.

The actual tradition of a wedding ring dates back 3,000 years when a couple in Egypt exchanged rings made of hemp or reed. According to stevengdesigns,com, in Rome and Greece in that same time frame, wedding rings could also be made of either bone, ivory or leather. Wealthy people opted for gold and silver … even iron.

Next comes the honeymoon and that’s also an ancient tradition. The name originated in Scandinavia. It takes place during the first month of marriage, which was measured by one moon cycle. While together for that time the newlyweds drank fermented honey (mead) to encourage conception.

Today honeymoons are celebrated much differently, with many choosing exotic destinations all over the world. Ideally all goes well, but could the couple’s choice of venue for that idyllic time together affect the outcome of their marriage? Most people would probably say no, but forbes.com offers a list of honeymoon destinations that are most likely to end in divorce. The Maldives top the list with a 20% eventual divorce rate, followed closely behind by Marrakesh, Morocco at 17%. At the bottom of the list, and therefore perhaps an indicator of the best marital success, there are four choices: Bangkok, Thailand, Napa Valley, California, Maui, Hawaii, or Nairobi, Kenya. The divorce rate following honeymoons in these destinations is a more palatable 1%. 

The countries in the world that have the easiest divorce procedures, according to advokatsmart.no, are Norway, Slovenia, Mexico, Spain, Sweden and Argentina. The most complex? Pakistan, Sudan, Algeria, Egypt and Jordan.

So in the unfortunate event that a marriage does not work out, apparently there’s no need now to sit home with the blues. If you have the means and circumstances to allow it, many top vacation spots now offer luxurious divorce packages for the “suddenly single”. A simple search found 40 sites (I stopped there) dedicated to the subject, as the trend continues to gain momentum.

The shortest marriage on record to date is two minutes and fifty-seven seconds. The longest (although not officially recognized) is for a couple originally from India, later relocating to the UK (both lived well past the age of a hundred) who were married for ninety years and 291 days. That’s a granite anniversary by the way. Solid as a rock.

 

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