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| The Twisted Climb - Darkness Descends Book 2 of the Award-winning series |
Have you ever had one of those "Did-that-just-happen?" moments? The kind where you shake your head in disbelief?
I had a scheduled endoscopy procedure at a clinic in Barrie, Ontario. I mentioned this during a Zoom meeting with my girlfriends, telling them I was having the procedure later in the week. They all nodded their heads knowingly. What I didn't know, though, was that endoscopy is a general term for both ends.
On the morning of my procedure, I arrived at the clinic, tummy empty for 12 hours as required. I undressed from the waist up, tied on a hospital gown and waited in the bed. The technician peeked around the curtain, clipboard in hand. He asked a few general questions to which I responded in the negative or positive, always the right answer. Until he said, "Is this your first colonoscopy?"
"Oh no no no no," I responded. "You have the wrong person. And the wrong end."
He flipped through a couple of pages and then nodded. "Right, then. You're here for a gastroscopy."
I gulped. "So... if I didn't clarify, you would have... you would have done unspeakable things to my unprepared bottom-end?"
It was now his turn to say "Oh no no no no."
I pulled up the covers in my cold bed. I wasn't sure which area of my body to double-cover but I sure was grateful for the clean gitch covering my nether regions. If ever there was a time for wearing a rear-end chastity belt, it was now.
"You're sure?" I asked him. Boy oh boy, if there was a mistake, it would be of epic failure for all involved. I knew that a colonoscopy procedure took place after you rid your bowels of every spec and particle of poop. A gastroscopy, my procedure, involved abstaining from food and water for about 12 hours. Clean stomach only. Top end.
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| Gastroscopy procedure |
He ticked off another box on his clipboard and said they'd bring me in shortly. After pulling the curtain around my bed, I heard his shoes squeak to the bed beside me. He asked the patient similar questions to what he just asked me and then he stated, "This is your second colonoscopy."
There was silence. "Um, yes," my hidden neighbour said slowly.
"And you haven't had anything to eat or drink for 24 hours?"
More silence. Then a soft, choking kind of laugh. "Yeah, sure."
"Are you sure," he countered.
"Yeah, I think so," she replied.
Uh oh, I thought.
Too late, though, as I watched through the open curtain at the end of my bed. My colonoscopy neighbour was getting wheeled to the procedure room.
It wasn't long before it was my turn. The same fellow came back, pulling the curtains away from my bed with a flourish. He did not look happy.
He wheeled me into the procedure room.
I gagged.
"What is that smell?"
The doctor, the nurse, the technician and the anesthetist looked everywhere but at me.
"I own a sailboat," I explained, "and I make sure the toilet tank is emptied on a regular basis. I also use a special liquid that ensures the tank and hoses never smell like it smells in here."
Then they all looked toward one area, to a large floor basket on my left.
"Oh no no no no," I said, shaking my head. The contents must have come from that patient ahead of me. Proof that she really was not prepared for the back-end procedure. "You know that I'm here for the top-end scope. Right?"
"Yes, yes," soothed the nurse.
The doctor motioned with her head toward the basket. "You best remove that," she told the technician.
They put me on my side and the offending basket was removed. A gastroscopy is a procedure where you're placed under short-term anesthesia and the doc inserts a long tube down your throat and into your stomach and upper bowel and proceeds to take pics and video. They're looking for ulcers, perforations and alien creatures.
Thankfully, I had nothing to report. No excitement at the top end.
But if you're looking for excitement, adventure, action, suspense and a hint of paranormal, you will love The Twisted Climb series. There's no gagging but there is a lot of 'did-that-just-happen?' moments. A great Christmas gift for teens, young adults and adults young at heart.
Enjoy the Christmas season and be safe.
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