It's my husband's birthday today and, when asked what he wanted, he said he didn't want anything. Of course he didn't get away with that because I had already decided that a few of his clothes needed updating! Our children, somewhat at a loss, have opted for a celebratory restaurant meal and a bottle of wine, while grandchildren have sent biscuits and chocolate and messages.
Why didn't he want anything? At 85 he still has his health, good friends, a close knit family and enough money for a comfortable life, so doesn't want anything else. Having travelled a great deal both for work and, after retirement, for pleasure, he no longer wants the experience of airport queues, long flights and unfamiliar beds. His pleasure now is a countryside dog walk, an evening with friends or family, a game of cards, sport on TV or a good film. Many of our slightly younger friends are also veering towards this way of thinking even if some of them haven't quite got there yet. A reduced life maybe, but contentment is a priceless gift.
Today has made me think about birthdays however. With a Chinese daughter-in-law and therefore an Eurasian granddaughter, I already knew other cultures celebrated differently. Whereas we give her a birthday card and presents, and help with birthday parties, her Chinese grandparents and other relatives give her red envelopes. These contain crisp new notes and are a symbol of good luck for the year to come. Another Chinese tradition is to slurp down longevity long noodles without breaking them, as a symbol of a long life.
Because of our travels we have also experienced birthday celebrations in other cultures. In Australia small children eat fairy bread. This is white bread spread with butter and topped with coloured sprinkles. Not the healthiest, but greatly enjoyed.
In Denmark the 'cake' is a pastry shaped as a person. It is decorated with candy, icing and liquorice, and known as the cake lady. She comes to a rather traumatic end when the birthday boy/girl decapitates her while the guests all scream at the top of their voices. As the Danes regard their national flag as a symbol of happiness and celebration, cakes, party tables and even front doors are also often festooned with replica flags.
In Mexico there is a long history behind the birthday tradition of splitting the piñata. This is a brightly coloured shape, traditionally seven-sided, but nowadays also made in many different shapes, that is hung up, often on a tree branch but sometimes indoors. Formed variously from cardboard, foil, clay, or papier-mache it is filled with candies, lollipops chocolates and small plastic toys. At the party it is attacked by blindfolded children who take turns to swing at it with a stick. This happens immediately before cutting the cake while guests sing traditional songs. When the piñata splits the contents scatter across the floor and are scooped up by the excited children.
Thailand has a very different take on birthdays, regarding them as a time to give not to receive. Wishing to gather good karma for the coming year they give out alms, buy birds and fish captured for slaughter and release them back into the wild, and also honour their parents with gifts for the sacrifices they have made. They also traditionally wear their birth day colour, which is associated with whichever day of the week they were born.
India is similar in that, with the birthday boy or girl dressed in new clothes, the whole family might visit a temple with offerings of prayers and flowers. Other religious rituals are part of the day, including honouring parents and warding off the evil eye. However, western style birthday cake is also eaten but in a very different way. The first bite is fed directly into the mother or father's mouth by hand. The parents then feed a bite back and this hand-feeding ritual continues with close family and friends.
Unsurprisingly, Italian birthdays are a time of great family celebration. Particularly important is the traditional dessert of a fruit-topped tart or layers of puff pastry with cream. Equally important is the tradition of immediately opening gifts rather than waiting until the end of the party. And then there is the ear pulling, where family and friends pull the birthday person's ear lobe once for every year of their life. Hard on the ear but a wish for a long and prosperous life.
So many different traditions, such different food, and yet I imagine that every small and not so small child experiences the same level of excitement when they wake up on their birthday morning.
The cover of my book Double Fault does not look very celebratory but with two-year old twins helping celebrate an almost forgotten birthday that culminates in the big showdown that is integral to the happy ending, it's another sort of celebration. Birthdays can be many things.
