Show, Don't Tell, Session One - Avoiding Adverbs

Over the next four months, I'm going to write about Showing, Not Telling a story. I've been reading a lot lately, and wow, I'm amazed at how many writers tell a story, rather than show it.  A recent series I've read, the author actually told step by step how he made dinner. Seriously. Something like this: and then he turned on the stove. Then he put the broth in a bowl. Then he added flour. Then he mixed it. Then he added it to the pan to make a gravy.  I'm not kidding. It went on and on. He even told how he set the table from taking the dishes out of the cupboard and silverware out of the drawer. Now don't get me wrong, the dishes he made sounded delicious, but there's a way to give a recipe without step by step. Besides, he never said how much of anything he added.So today, I'm starting with Avoiding Adverbs.Session 1- Avoiding Adverbs –.Writing without adverbs??? Then how do we describe people, tone of voice? Some writers think adverbs are the only way to add description to a story.Wrong – the use and over use of adverbs distracts from your story.  It puts YOU, the AUTHOR, in the story.  And we never (one of the few nevers in writing) want the author in the story.There are better ways to add description.  Let’s take this sentence for example:  Roy walked leisurely down the street.  - Okay you, the author, just TOLD us how Roy walked – you interfered with the story.   How much better if you would have showed us how Roy walked –Example:Roy strolled down the street. (Notice how just changing the verb and taking out the adverb shows us how Roy walked.Roy is not in a hurry -strolled implies leisurely without the author saying so. But let’s take it one step farther the author can show more. Roy breathed in the spring air. He loved this time of year with the trees budding, especially the smell of fresh cut grass. He stopped and looked at the sky.Now the author hasn’t even told us that Roy strolled. We know Roy’s not in a hurry because he notices everything around him.  People in a hurry don’t take the time to notice the buds on the trees. They wouldn’t stop to look at the sky.  The author has showed us something about Roy besides the fact that he’s not in a hurry.  Roy loves spring and he loves nature. Other people wouldn't necessarily notice the buds on the trees, even when they’re not in a hurry. People react in different ways to show us they aren't in a hurry.  Maybe they'd lollygag along, watching the traffic, or kids playing. That shows us something different about them.  People see different things and so should our characters.Adverbs can never replace strong verbs. As in the above example, strolled is a much stronger verb then walked in showing us how someone went on his way. Yet, there’s still a better way to show without telling us he strolled. It shows Roy doing something and tells us something about him. We always want to show our characters. If Roy was a grumpy old man, he wouldn’t have noticed the same things Roy, the nature lover, noticed. More than likely, he’d notice something negative, litter on the street or kids yelling while they play, which annoys him. Think about your character before you write. Know him inside out. Know everything about him, his hobbies, occupation, even his favorite color. Make a character worksheet, listing not just his physical characteristics, but his occupation, hobbies, favorite things. I’ve shown example after this lesson.Adverbs combined with strong verbs – He ran quickly – are repetitive.  We already know he ran, that tells us he’s moving fast, why repeat it.  The adverb has the same meaning as the verb.  By adding the adverb we weaken the verb and the sentence, and it shows us nothing. Avoid the use of adverbs whenever possible.  When you feel tempted to add an adverb, stop and think about what you want the reader to know. Is there another way to say it?  Usually there is. Adverbs to describe how someone speaks are also interfering.Example: “Stop, just stop,” John shouted angrily. Well, I don’t know about you but if someone is shouting that usually means he’s angry. Why not show us the anger with an action.  “Stop! Just stop.” John slammed a cupboard door.Now that shows us he’s angry much better than the adverb angrily? And we didn’t have to use the tag line he shouted.  We can say, he shouted and slammed the cupboard door, but does that reinforce the anger? Not really. The action works better alone.Now don’t get me wrong – there are places to use adverbs, but the key is to use them sparingly.  Readers want detail, they want to see and hear the story. They don’t want someone to tell them what happened. They want to feel the anger, sadness, happiness, laughter, and tears.  Readers want to feel our character's emotion.  Characters who display emotion are strong characters.  And readers remember them. They become real, believable. And if we have believable characters, readers will remember us.So next time you write, she hurried quickly down the street, STOP!! Reread what you just wrote.  Do you really want to repeat that she was in a hurry?  Hurried already implies she was going quickly.And next time you write – “I can’t do this anymore,” John said sadly.  Rethink it – is there a better way to show John sad?  “I can’t do this anymore.” John wiped the tears from his eyes. Notice I didn’t say John said as he wiped the tears. You can also eliminate the he said/she said tags and insert an action tag that shows us more of what’s happening. By saying John said sadly, we know John is sad – but we don’t know he’s crying. In fact we don’t know anything about John.  We add so much more to the story by eliminating needless adverbs.  We all enjoy reading strong stories, why not write them.
   Below is a character worksheet I use for my characters before I start writing. I like to know them inside out.CHARACTER WORKSHEET

1. Name – Nickname

1. Age – Birthday

1. General info – Hair color, eyes; height; weight

1. Favorites – color, sport; food

1. Hobbies

1. What do you think of when you first see him/her – phrase or word to describe. Thin fit, tall, short, muscular, flabby

1. First physical impression. Sloppy distinguished, snobby; sophisticated

1. What do you sense from his/her personality? Shy;confident;bold; loud

1. What type of clothes does he/she wear at work? At home?

1. What is his/her voice like? Rough, raspy, soft, smooth, shrill, Is there an accent?

1. Where does he/she live? Why? His/her choice? Necessity?(job school)

1. Where was he/she born? Describe his/ her background. (family life etc.)

1. Who most influenced his/her life?

1. What’s are his/her priorities? Daydreams, fantasies

1. What motivates him/her?

1. What are his/her conflicts? Does he/she settle them him/herself? Or does she have help?

1. What are his/her goals? How far would they go to achieve them?

1. What are his/her fears? Does it keep her/him from achieving their goals?

1. How important is it for him/her to win?

1. How does he/she react to children? Animals? How do you know?

1. How does he/she interact with others in the story?

1. How does he/she shape the plot

1. What are his/her undesirable characteristics? Faults? Quick tempered/impatient?

1. What are his/her quirks? Special talents?

1. What does he/she do for a living?

1. Why does the reader care what happens to him/her?