Books We Love Insider Blog: etiquette

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Have we lost all sense of etiquette? – by Vijaya Schartz

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Raised in Europe, I remember learning to set a table as a child, and I hated all these useless conventions. Who cared about where the water glass or the wine glass went. How close to the plate, on which side, and in what order the knives, spoons, and forks should go. But knowing it served me well when writing historical stories.

The British still keep many rules of etiquette, from what temperature to serve tea, how to curtsy, or what “fascinator” to wear for each occasion… probably due to the Monarchy.

Japan still honors the “Tea ceremony,” a complicated ritual to make the perfect cup of tea to show appreciation for someone special.

Japan also adheres to a stringent etiquette and applies it to their business dealings. Here, again, maybe it’s a lingering remnant of the Samurai and of the Imperium. Like walking to the left of, and one step behind a superior, a teacher (Martial arts) or a husband (for a woman).

The Samurai cast used to not just bow and obey without question, but they would lay down their lives for the honor of their overlord… even committing Seppuku (ritual suicide) taking the blame to preserve their lord’s honor.

My mom used to say that punctuality was the politeness of the kings, their only way to show respect to others. Ever since, I like to be punctual, if not early for every circumstance. Maybe it’s a sign of self-importance on my part? It makes me feel like royalty.

In the US, however, except for a formal dinner at the White House, etiquette seems to have vanished from daily lives. There used to be a dress code to board a plane. Not anymore.

If I believe the dating sites, not showing up or showing up late for a date is common place. No one seems to care anymore. Is this a lack of respect for others? Or just a sign of the times. Our hectic lives give us all kinds of excuses to skip formalities.

I used to send good wishes to friends and family for the new year, a letter, a card. Now, they are lucky to get an email every other year. Still, some of my friends keep making hand-made cards and sending them in the mail for special occasions. She says she enjoys making them, and it’s like a relaxing hobby.

I feel guilty for not reciprocating, but who has the time? Still, I keep these hand-made cards, like precious relics of a tradition which will soon disappear. You can’t stop progress, but maybe we should sometimes look back and consider what we lost in the bargain.

I use many details of cultural etiquette in my books, even in Science Fiction, even with strong heroines and brave heroes.

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Happy Reading!

Vijaya Schartz, award-winning author
Strong Heroines, Brave Heroes, cats
http://www.vijayaschartz.com
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Thursday, July 23, 2015

Almack's Assembly Rooms by Victoria Chatham

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Fans of Regency romances will all be familiar with that most famous London location, Almack’s Assembly Rooms where ladies could see and be seen, and where mothers launched their marriageable daughters into society.

Originally built in the Palladian style, the Rooms were opened by William Macall in King Street, London in February 1765. It is reputed that being Scottish, Macall thought the English might consider his name too foreign sounding, so reversed it to become Almack’s.

It was one of the first establishments where both sexes could meet openly and became the place to be for upper class society during the season, that period in London from April to August each year. The most exclusive events were held at the town mansions of the leading members of the aristocracy, especially of those engaged in politics. The season closed at the end of July, when families returned to their country seats not only to escape the city smells and possible health issues, but also in readiness for the grouse shooting which began on August 12^th.

Money alone could not get you a voucher to Almack’s, but good breeding and manners did. Vouchers were ten guineas and were non-transferable. To not have an Almack’s voucher meant either that you had not applied for one, or you had applied and been found wanting in one way or another, a social disaster to those dedicated to the ton - pronounced tone from the French word for taste, or more accurately le bon ton.

Seven of the most influential ladies of upper society presided over Almack’s and included Lady Sarah (Sally) Jersey, Lady Emily Cowper, Countess Esterhazy, the Honorary Mrs. Drummond Burrell, Viscountess Castlereagh and Countess Maria Sefton. They were known as the Lady Patronesses and met every Monday evening to review new applications and the actions of the current membership. Membership could be cancelled, as in the case of Lady Caroline Lamb after her scandalous affair with the poet Lord Byron. Inappropriate dress could also have you turned away from Almack’s doors, as the Duke of Wellington found to his cost when he arrived wearing trousers and not the formal knee breeches required.

There were rooms for gambling and card games and a very plain supper was served in the upper rooms by the Macall’s at 11.00 pm. So they could not be accused of trying to compete with expensive private balls, the supper consisted of thinly sliced, probably day old bread and fresh butter followed by dry cake which would be similar to today’s pound cake. Presumably to avoid drunkenness only tea and lemonade were served.

Almack’s popularity began to decline after 1824, when manners became less strict. The last ball was held in 1863 and it closed its doors in 1871 when it was sold. The new owner renamed it Willis’s Rooms after himself. The building was damaged during bombing in 1940 and completely destroyed in 1944. Today an office building known as Almack House occupies the site and bears a brass plaque commemorating the original Rooms.

Sources: Wikipedia, Regency Manor, Candice Hearn Romance Author and Jane Austen’s World.