Mothers and Mortality by Stuart R. West

A year ago, my mother had open-heart surgery. I was just as terrified as her. Nothing makes you confront your own mortality more than having a parent--someone you've taken for granted all your life, always expecting to be there--go under the knife. I felt like I'd be on the operating table alongside her.

Months before, my mom waffled about having the procedure.  Her aorta was closing fast, surgery the only option. But my mother elevates stubbornness to an art-form. She'd said, "Maybe it's best to leave it in God's hands and let me live the rest of my life as is." 

"Your grandchildren are counting on you," I'd told her. Absolutely shameless, sure, but I played the "grandkid card" nonetheless.

It worked. Mom decided to have the procedure. I told my winter-bound Florida "snow-bird" mother to get her dancing heels ready 'cause the procedure would go great.

The family gathered on the day of the operation, three sons and their families. We sat in the cold, sterile waiting room, chugging bad coffee, killing time by reminiscing. Every embarrassing tale from my childhood was dragged out and beaten like a rug. Then we had even more bad coffee.

The operation went well. So well the surgeon pronounced the procedure as "boring."  "Boring's" good in this case.

Hours after the operation, my wife and I visited Mom in Intensive Care.

And I totally lost it.

I wasn't prepared.

My mother, dear God, I didn't recognize her.

She uttered disembodied, agonized "oh's" every few seconds, her eyes wandering, milky and lost. She looked like she'd lost twenty pounds in ten hours. I wanted to hold her, kiss her cheek, afraid I'd break her.

There was no way of letting her know how much I loved her.

Later that same day, I visited again, dreading what I'd find.

I couldn't believe the difference. Sitting up in a chair, she welcomed me. I helped feed her breakfast, administer her medicine, scratch her neck. When she started griping about things, I thought, "Yes! My warrior mother's back!"

All past grievances, annoyances, racial and political differences I'd had with her jettisoned out of the room.

My Mom. The angel who raised me, formed me, talked me through things. Protected me from monsters under the bed and monsters in the school yard.

I cradled her head as gently as I could, said, "Mom, I love you. I'll do anything I can for you."

*** 

My new Books We Love novel can be found here: Ghosts of Gannaway

Book trailer for Ghosts of Gannaway:

Do We Ever Really Grow Up" by Nancy M Bell

 

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 Lately I've been thinking about old times when I was a kid. Not sure what's brought this tide of nostalgia sweeping over me. It got me to thinking about how no matter how old I get chronologically I can still revert back to the child I was in an instant. Sometimes it's the smell of moth balls that takes me back to opening up the cottage at the lake in the spring time. The memories are so vivid it seems like I should just be able to step through the veils and become part of the scene again. There's people living in my memory that I'd love to talk to again and walk down the old roads again.

Just this week I somehow came across a posting on Facebook and learned that a person I knew many years ago had passed away. I never knew him well because he was a bit older than me. But his cottage was on the same lake as ours and I kind of grew up with him in the peripheral circles of my friends. I knew who he was, he knew who I was, and we always smiled and waved at each other. I had the hugest crush on him for years. Even though I haven't been to the lake since the early 1980's and frankly haven't thought about this guy for literally years, the news of his death saddened me very much. I think somehow in a corner of my mind I believe that all those years of memories are still living and breathing somewhere out there in the ether. In my heart we will all be forever young and vibrant.

Silly, I know. Sometimes the urge to return to those places is so strong. Almost as if I believe if I go to the places that held us then, that somehow some vestige of beings will still exist there. All those summer nights we built a bonfire on the beach and sat on the big granite rock and sang songs. All people I still love and miss even though I haven't seen them in years. I still remember the white violets growing in the ditch by the gravel road where I used to walk with Gramma Breckon and her little dog Mitzi. She wasn't really my gramma, but she was part of my extended family.

It's not just people, either. All the horses I have ever known still live in my memories. Realistically, I know they are mostly dead and gone now, but if I close my eyes I can still see their dear faces and feel them under me as we ride down old trails with old friends who are no longer with us. Each horse is subtly different in their movement and the connection to me through the reins. In my heart I am eternally sixteen. Now if only I could be sixteen with the knowledge of the world I have now, what a difference that would make.

I'm not sure I really want to grow up and leave all that behind me. The magic I felt the first time I rode down the ravine in Scarborough under a canopy of newly minted spring leaves, the air around me all green and gold and speckled with sunlight. The ravine is still there but there's a parking lot for the subway where the barn used to stand. The river is all concreted and civilized, but the wildness still exists.

In those days I wrote poetry and scribbled stories in duo tang folders on binder paper. I still have them, though I cringe to read some of it now. White Lightning- about a horse of course. Trails of Life which wound the lives of an old cowboy, a wild stallion and an twisted pine tree together. Wrote that in Grade 7 I think. It might actually be worth dusting off and doing a major overhaul on. Or not... It would have helped my self esteem at the time to know I'd actually be a real live published author. Late last night I finished the first book in a new series. It will be my eighth published novel. I still remember the thrill when I got my first contract. Something I thought would never happen.

The new novel is called The Selkie's Song and is the first book in the Arabella's Secret series. It tells the story of the heroine in my The Cornwall Adventures series grandmother. Unlike the Laurel storied, this series in not YA Fantasy, but Paranormal Romance. I may at some time do a G rated version of the story for those younger readers. Watch for The Selkie's Song in September from Books We Love.

Until next month...Oh wait, I forgot to tell you. Next month at this time I will be (should be LOL) all packed and ready to go on a Hawaiian cruise! Fifteen days of pampering and sitting on the balcony and watching the waves go by. Time to get in some reading and relaxing. I'll tell you all about it in October. Come November it will be time to update you on the Surrey International Writers Conference and shenanigans I get up to there very year. Until then Salient Be well and may you be in Heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Casting Your Characters with Janet Lane Walters Using Astrology - Leo #astrology #fantasy #swordandsorcery

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Leo characters can be a fascinating read.

Sun in Leo - These characters have an active mind and generally a sunny nature. They are ambitious, independent and determined. When they have a goad people should get out of the way. They are quick to anger and are easily appeased and that's a plus. They can be outspoken and candid. The Leo character appreciates affection. They are fond of drama and often employ dramatic scenes to get their way.

Ascendant in Leo - The face shown to the world is one that is good natured and generous. There's an impulsive element and this can result in some outspoken comment setting off a minor war. They do have great hope and fortitude. Grudges are not held for long. They are conscientious and charitable and are loyal friends. Then have a need to be in a position of authority.

Moon in Leo- The emotional nature is generally sunny. Watch out beneath the sunshine lies ambition, self-confidence and self-reliance. This is a loyal friend. Leo moon gives a fondness of home a particularity in dress, a love of pleasure. Those with a Leo moon like and enjoy the opposite sex.

The brother of the heroine in Lines of Fire is a Leo and one day will have his own book. My next Moon Child book will have a Leo hero.

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