Weird Apps

Most of us use apps—those digital applications, downloaded on our cellphones, to help us order a pizza from our favorite fast-food joint, track appointments or manage our finances.  The number and variety of apps have mushroomed over the past decade. Many of them are useful, such as the one from your local transit department which lets you when the next bus is coming. Others, however, are only mildly useful, and a few, truly bizarre. Here, then, are ten apps that will leave you shaking your head:

1)      Nothing. Yes, Nothing. You press the Nothing icon on your phone and nothing happens. Nothing is free, but a premium version (which still does nothing) costs a whopping $0.99.

2)      Hold On. As the name implies, the idea is to keep pushing down on the app for as long as you can. A little timer pops up and lets you know how long you’ve been holding on. But, Why?

3)      I am Rich. Designed for rich people to make them feel good about how much money they have. At $400 a pop, I am Rich is definitely not for the poor.

4)      Fake Conversation. Ever want to desperately leave a boring meeting or a bad date? Fake Conversation will send you a fake phone call from a doctor, layer or even a magazine editor. The app will tell you what to say; you repeat it, and everyone around will be convinced you have a real emergency on your hands.

5)      Ghost EMP Meter. Yup. Your smartphone will sniff out pesky spirits and lingering apparitions. Note: It may not work if your smartphone itself is demon-possessed.

6)      Drunk Dial NO. This actually may be useful. The app allows you to enter the phone numbers of people you should not call when drunk (think: your ex or your boss.) It will hide those numbers for a period of forty-eight hours, long enough for your sober side to reassert itself.

7)      Binky. For totally random people. Binky will send you an endless stream of completely unconnected random stuff which you can browse or resend. Being totally pointless, it faithfully reflects the entire digital experience.

8)      $1,000,000. The app loads images of currency (in denominations of $50 or $100) which you can count by swiping on the screen. You won’t become rich, but your fingers will feel the pleasant tiredness a real millionaire experiences when counting his money.

9)      Lick the Icicle. The app shows an icicle on your smartphone. As you start licking it, the icicle starts melting. At this point, it’s uncertain if your tongue will stick to your smartphone if you stop licking.

10)  Places I have Pooped. As the name implies, this app allows you to map every place where you have answered the call of nature. Rather than humans, it is probably more useful in helping dogs and cats mark their territories. Use your phone to help your pooch to play Places I have Pooped.

 Mohan Ashtakala is the author of “The Yoga Zapper,” a fantasy, and “Karma Nation,” a literary romance. www.mohanashtakala.com, www.bookswelove.com.