Nobody likes a Shady Beach by Vanessa Hawkins

 

  Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So every month I say I'm going to get a head start on this blog so's alls I gotta do is sit back and eat Cheetos on the 8th, and every month here I am, arse in chair, struggling to figure out what I could possibly write to inspire/entertain my small train of followers who are now used to being disappointed in me...

Deep inhale... she'll get it right eventually...

But this time allow me to let you know why I am late. This time I actually have an excuse, believe it or not... I was on vacation! My family and I went to PEI which, if you are unfamiliar with Atlantic Canada, means Prince Edward Island. It's a small province east of New Brunswick, home to red 

sandy beaches, lots of potatoes as well as hay bales the size of three cows tipped together.

Hay there!

We stayed in a cottage somewhere within the middle of nowhere, saw beach goats and had a grand ol' time with family. At one point I think there was a bonfire, and we did go see Ripley's Believe it or Not, but honestly I thought the attraction was pretty... uh, well... BELIEVEABLE to say the least.  

Sorry Ripley...

The real horror story was when I found three spiders, an earwig and one beetle from dimension enormous in the bathroom over the course of a few days. Also, when I was packing, I had one spider--not included in aforementioned army of nasty cottage bugs--run over my leg in its desperate attempt to flee the premises. I actually went to bed thinking of it that night... I have spider PTSD... 

It's a joke!

But despite the mental AND emotional anguish of fending off so many minibeasts, Prince Edward Island was a fun time. I brought my spawn, who got to see her cousins for the first time, and despite being a Covid baby she was NOT super awkward around other human beings that she hadn't had the fortune of meeting before. Success! And what a heartwarming sight! My cardiovascular unit at least tripled in weight and height before it leapt up out of my throat at the sight of the beetle from big town...

So all in all, a good trip and WITHOUT having to take any... uh... medical grade enhancers... *ahem keep it kid friendly, Vanessa...* 

Wait... if you knew you were going on vacation why didn't you just plan in advance and write the blog a bit EARLIER in preparation for the intended time away? If you were any sort of decent human being with even a MODICUM of forethought, you would have prepared SOMETHING for those people who continue to drag themselves through your hastily scrawled drivel every month! How do you expect to ever make it as a writer if you can't even commit to THAT? How do you expect people to keep putting up with you? How do you--

And so did those Cavendish potatoes... Till next time!