DEADLINES

From the Editor's Desk

Friends, I know a little about 'time critical'.  

Sometimes it's for a mission where you're finally actually doing something that may be impactful and the fuel gauge is running down 24lbs/min and the ship is sailing away from your current position at 22kts and if you spool up your sonar dome now from its 700' depth it should take about 4min then if you hustle back to the ship's projected position 25mins from now at 130kias you should have just about enough fuel to not have to ditch into the middle of the Mediterranean in time to turn you and your crew into shark bait. 

Sometimes it's life and death and someone has had a couple too many beers and rocketed their snowmobile into the trees during a nighttime ride and their femur's shattered which won't be a problem if the hypothermia has it's way because it was 25 below in the daytime and you know you'll be 12 minutes loading up firing up and getting airborne then you have a 36 minute transit to the scene where the ambulance is useless because this wreck is in 3' of snow about 3 miles from any plowed roads and if you rush this and clip a powerline on final or don't do a thorough check of the weather and pick up a bunch of ice on your tailrotor on the way there you may now be looking at a quintupling of bodies your own included.  

Sometimes it ain't such a big deal.  'Important', sure-  for scheduling and goal setting and planning and all kinds of other elements that keep ink in the presses and our projects on the tracks, but none of these things are multi-million dollar operations or have lives hanging in the balance.  I have to remind people of this sometimes (myself included), lest we get far too wrapped about the axle in this pursuit of writing and publishing- which, in my opinion, should ultimately be enjoyable and satisfying.  

For one thing, we'd like to see finished products that we know the author has had time to go through a few separate times. A job worth doing is worth doing right, after all. If you find yourself saying at some point "eh, good enough, but I HAVE to get this to my editor or all hell will break loose", then you need to take a step back, read this article again (yes, you may reference it when next in this position) and let me know you're just not there yet.  Oh believe me, we'd prefer all went according to our master schedule, but things happen, the best laid plans, etc. We get that, and sometimes it's pretty easy to talk someone else into releasing their book a couple months early in the spot where yours used to be!  

All I ask is for you to keep your publisher posted, keep at it, do your best, and keep the urgency of things in perspective!  

JD

Locked Up by Eden Monroe

 

 

https://www.bookswelove.com/monroe-eden/

Most early jail cells were a horrifying experience.

For one thing, those incarcerated faced grossly inadequate sanitation in dark, squalid lockups, often relying on a slop bucket that ideally might be emptied once a day. Not surprisingly, disease and the spread of vermin were all too often the result of such conditions. But then poor sanitation was a widespread problem in general in past centuries. Besides, human confinement, and the treatment received while there, was seen as a form of degradation, no matter the nature of the crime. During those times anything terrible suffered by an inmate was deemed an appropriate deterrent to criminal behavior. That included unrelenting, agonizing brutality meted out in any number of cruel ways, with devices designed to inflict unimaginable suffering.

Says Daily.jstor.org about the inhumanity of the justice system of 17^th and early 18^th century colonial America:

“When the time for punishment arrived, it took the form of physical abuse or societal shaming. The stocks, whipping, pillory, and the ducking stool were common State responses used for lessor offenses.

“If someone was found guilty of thievery a letter ‘T’ would be branded on their hand after completing their corporal punishment. Human character at that time was perceived as permanent and immutable; a brand ensured the public would always see this person for what they were, a thief. Public hanging was the preferred punishment for a broad range of more serious offenses.”

Jail rations were typically inadequate and often putrid. With perhaps few exceptions (in some countries prisoners were required to pay if they wanted to eat at all), the accepted rule was that those in prison were not worthy of any form of decency or compassion, and in some jails, because of limited space, prisoners were not even segregated. Men and women were thrown into the same cell.

And whereas the wealthy often received more lenient consideration at the hands of a prejudicial system, such as release upon payment of fines, the poor usually endured much greater hardship. Because some facilities were inadequately constructed and escape possible, prisoners were commonly kept in irons for the entire duration of their stay. In most cases it could be years.

 

         In the United Kingdom during the 18^th century, death was the punishment for more than 200 offences. As an alternative to hanging serious offenders, by Act of Parliament in 1718, prisoners were transported by ship to Great Britain’s colonies to serve their sentence on distant shores doing hard labour.

Debtors were also considered to be criminals with legal action brought against them by creditors, and jailed accordingly. Primarily during the 18^th and 19^th centuries, debtors could easily make up the lion’s share of the prison population. These were people, including tradespeople, who had simply fallen on hard times, and release was incumbent upon the payment of any outstanding debt against them. However, eventual overcrowding of prisons was actually in their favour, as (UK) Parliament would have to occasionally intervene and discharge many of these debtors on certain conditions.

A lack of prison space was an ongoing challenge for authorities, and in addition to small village lockups, castle cellars, underground dungeons and rusted cages, decommissioned war ships, moored at London area docks, were also pressed into service.

Says Parliament,uk about the incarceration of prisoners on those ships: “What began as a temporary measure became a permanent arrangement as prisoners were put to hard labour on the docks and dredging the Thames.”

In early Canada and the United States, debtors were also jailed locally awaiting due process, and to address overcrowding in general, Canada’s first large prison began receiving prisoners in June of 1835 at Kingston in Upper Canada (now Ontario). According to Thecanadianencyclopedia.ca: “Kingston penitentiary, opened with great hopes of solving the problem of crime and criminals, was plagued by dissension, corruption and inhumanity from the beginning.

“The first major investigation, the Brown Report (1849), is full of cases like that of Peter Charboneau, an 11-year-old child committed to Kingston prison for 7 years in 1845. While in prison he was lashed 57 times in 8½ months for offences in the jail, including staring, winking and laughing….”

 

        Jail reforms were slow to come, but over time several individuals and organizations dedicated themselves to addressing systemic issues.

It was the harsh prison conditions witnessed by Elizabeth (Gurney) Fry in the UK’s “filthy and disease-ridden” Newgate Prison that spurred her into action. She was outraged that upwards of 300 women, along with their children, were packed into an inhumanely small space. It was her activism that first saw male and female prisoners properly segregated, also providing education for incarcerated women and children as well as many other important reforms.

John Howard was also an 18^th century social reformer, and he dedicated his life to not only improving prison conditions per se, but for better treatment of the prisoners themselves. In Canada, Agnes Campbell Macphail was the first female Member of Parliament in Canadian history, and also a fearless advocate for much-needed penal reform in Canada. In the US, Thomas Mott Osborne, a former prison warden, took up the fight for correctional improvements in his country, as did the like-minded countryman, Austin MacCormick.

There were certainly exceptions, where the gaol (early English spelling) keeper and his family lived in an apartment that was part of the overall structure, and regular meals were provided to prisoners.

Although the incarceration experience today is vastly different from what it once was for most in less enlightened times, and this too varies by country, public laws must still be upheld and justice served. As indicated in statista.com, topping the list of countries with the largest number of prisoners per 100,000 of the national population as of February 2025, is El Salvador, the smallest country in Central America. Last on that list is Belize, also located in Central America. The United States comes in at number five.

And while every country in the world has their own prison system to hold lawbreakers accountable, Vatican City “… the world’s smallest fully independent nation-state” according to Britannica.com, does not have a prison system as we know it.

(ewtnvatican.com) “Firstly, while the Vatican City State operates with its own judicial system and penal code, it lacks a traditional prison. It possesses facilities for temporary detention post-arrest, but these do not constitute a formal jail. Should sentences become enforceable, the convicted individuals would serve their time in Italy, as per the Lateran Pacts agreement. Secondly, the Vatican legislation stipulates that if sentences do not exceed a certain threshold, they may be suspended. Essentially, imprisonment only occurs if additional crimes are committed within Vatican jurisdiction.”

Unfortunately, for any number of reasons, countless innocent people have been wrongfully convicted and put to death, others incarcerated for extended periods of time. This is the fate that has befallen many (especially before fingerprinting and DNA analysis), the longest in the US being, according to theguardian.com, Glynn Simmons. He spent more than forty-eight years in prison before being exonerated for a murder he did not commit.

And being framed for a crime, including murder, is not just the unsettling stuff of entertainment industry imaginations. It’s very real, says mirandarightslawfirm.com: “‘Framing’ is a frightening reality for many criminal defendants. Yes, you could be framed for a crime, and it happens more frequently than we would like to admit….”

In When Shadows Stir, Book Two of The Kavenaghs (1870-1879) a harsh 19^th century jail awaits for just such a situation….

  https://www.bookswelove.com/monroe-eden/

Long Ago on the Internet

 

Roan Rose   ISBN:  149224158X

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Way back, more than 25 years ago, the Internet was a fairly new thing. Ordinary people, from their home personal computers, were finding their way into all kinds of list serves, usually aligned with some niche interest, from TV shows to movies to genealogy, to nascent gaming platforms. There was electronics tech talk, as well astronomy, mechanics, philosophy and music. Universities began connecting, sharing their resources. Fiction began to appear online. This was the time of the birth of what is now today's globe-spanning "social media" and the genesis of many mega-billion dollar fortunes, whose troll lord owners tyrannize the internet -- and the politics - of today's online world. 

In those innocent days, however, the internet was a magical open door for those of us fortunate enough to have a desktop computer and dial up service. Through that electronic door people with all kinds of interests could connect, people from all over the world, in my case, the English speaking world. We could make friends everywhere we shared a language; we could travel vicariously to places like England and Australia, or to the West Indies or Canada.

Through an online friend, I discovered sites for history lovers--one in particular called "Later Medieval Britain" (LMB) where people who were fascinated by the Wars of Roses had debates and heated exchanges with one another. Many of these folks were British, some were Australians. I was one of the first Americans on the list, because the fate of "the princes in the tower" had been an obsession of mine since childhood. (My own on-the-spectrum "penguin.")                                                                          Below: Richard III

  

I'd been advocating for the Yorkist side of this ancient strictly regional spat since I was a bookish kid, even arguing ("Rude American child") with the Beefeaters at the Tower of London in my young teens. I passionately believed that Richard III had been maligned, that he had not killed his nephews as his successors, the Tudors (Lancastrian side) alleged. Whatever the truth is, 500+ years later any evidence can only be circumstantial; we shall probably never know what truly happened to these poor little dynastic pawns, but that's not the subject here. 

My subject is the friends I made--on the Yorkist side of the ancient quarrel, naturally! As time passed, we shared about other things: our families, children and grandchildren, pets, gardens, as well as all the historical sources which were passed around and discussed at length. I didn't have a lot of money, but here was a way I could travel without going overseas. Looking back, I loved the time spent on the LMB and then searching libraries for the books about which I'd heard, but most of all, I loved these people, who were as touched as I was. 

I was writing a novel and many others on the listserve were too. We all had our own solutions of the whodunit, of course. When I finally got together the money to go to the UK, I managed to meet several of these much esteemed online voices. One of them drove a group of us around to various historical sites and museums. We had supper together in York in a little restaurant inside the medieval walls. One venerable gentleman, Geoffrey Richardson, who lived near York, had written books on the Neville/Plantagenet clan which were available in museum stores at the local castles and battlefields. I'd hoped to meet and walk upon his favorite battleground, but it never happened, for flooding rains drove all the tourists out of York. I was lucky to catch the last train that made it to London that week, and never had another opportunity again, for he passed away later that winter, taking all his wealth of knowledge and his caustic wit and unique northern turn of phrase with him.

Death happens more frequently in my world these days. I opened FB today--something I don't do much anymore. What used to be news from far-flung friends is now all advertisements, not the warm virtual connection that once was so reliably there. After scrolling down a bit, I suddenly came upon a funeral announcement for an old LMB Australian friend, one who was younger than I am. 

I was shocked and saddened. Meredith was a fellow Ricardian, a fellow writer, a spirited member of our listserve. Later, she became my online publisher and a talented editor too, but besides that I was acquainted with her husband, her children and grandchildren, her garden and her home. I knew her kitties too--these often pictured lounging luxuriously in bed.  Unasked, Meredith spontaneously sent several Aussie children's books which were informative, clever and funny for one of my southern granddaughters, kindly providing this little girl she'd never meet her first real view into life in far-off land. Another beautiful mind, full of learning, opinions, memories and humour, gone forever. RIP my dear friend!

~~Juliet Waldron      

My Favorite and My Not-So-Favorite-Point-of-View By Connie Vines #ConnieVines

 

 My Favorite and My Not-So-Favorite Point-of-View.

How does an author choose a point of view for his/her story?

I promise to only skim the surface of our high school creative writing class :)

Omniscient, 3rd person, or 1st Person, What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Reading:

The omniscient POV allows you to enter the heads of multiple characters, but you will act more as an observer than a reporter.

As a child (and even today), I enjoyed reading the Greek myths and Homer (author of the Iliad and the Odyssey)

The Odyssey is uniquely structured, with the narration split between a third-person omniscient narrator and a first-person narrative by Odysseus himself. The omniscient point of view is present in excerpts at each chapter's beginning.

 In terms of gods, the Greek pantheon consists of 12 deities who were said to reside at Mount Olympus: Zeus, Hera, Aphrodite, Apollo, Ares, Artemis, Athena, Demeter, Dionysus, Hephaestus, Hermes, and Poseidon.

Writing:

While I might consider this point of view in a noir-type crime story (short story or novella), I do not believe it would be widely accepted in a contemporary story.

Reading:

First Person POV

In first-person narration, the narrator is a character in the story, telling it from their own perspective. The narration typically employs the pronouns I (or we, if the narrator speaks as part of a group).

Writing:

I write in the first person when writing Young Adult contemporary and Young Adult historical novels.

I remain in the main character's point of view. At the beginning of each chapter, I may insert information using a quote, historical fact, etc. I also include an Epilogue.

Reading:

3rd Person POV

In the third-person point of view, the author narrates a story about the characters, referring to them by name or using the third-person pronouns "he," "she," and "they." The other points of view in writing are first person and second person.

Writing:

3rd Person POV

My contemporary novels, excluding young adult fiction, are written in the third person. While I may change point of view (POV), I strive not to head-hop. 

First and foremost, this mode of storytelling comes most naturally to me when writing a romance. The third-person narrative is as old as time.

Third-person subjective:

From this perspective, you can enter the characters' thoughts and viewpoints. It goes beyond narrating the character's thoughts by telling the reader "she thought" or "he wondered." It lets you really be in their head the way first-person POV does.

My excerpts from "Gumbo Ya Ya," An anthology for women who like their romance Cajun Style!

(Opening Teasers from my anthology)

Marrying Off Murphy

Settling into his office chair, Professor Murphy Flynn glanced at the faxed copy of the OP News. "I Want to Get Married!" the headline shouted. He upended his coffee mug when he realized the grainy photograph was of him, sending the liquid perilously close to a six-inch stack of upgraded papers.

He snagged the papers with one hand, using the other to dab at the puddle with his tie. His gaze locked on the name of the submission's editor: Sylvie Dupree. The memories hit him hard and fast, leaving Murphy to feel like he'd taken a direct blow to his solar plexus.

Love Potion No. 9

"Don't shake your finger at me, Simone Basso. I know what I'm doing," Persia Richmond said, holding a pipette to fill a crystal half-ounce atomizer with perfume. The top notes of peach blossoms, bergamot, and mid-notes of gardenia, honey, and tuberose tanalized. Meanwhile, the tuberose, the most carnal of the floral notes and the high-ticket natural essence for her fragrance compound, merged with peony and orange blossom to temper the intoxication properties. The base notes linger, while a hint of something unnamed and mysterious beguiled and skimmed across the narrow processing room, saturating her senses.

A Slice of Scandal

"Hey, now, 'dis key lime pie's like de one I serve at my restaurant. Simple to make and good to eat! Key limes perk up de mouth and makes you happy."

Producer/Director Julia Kincade focused on her monitor and adjusted the mic on her headset. "Camera One, tighten that headshot." She watched as the camera feathered over the chef to capture the best angle. The camera should have loved Franklin. His height was average, his black hair was short and curly, and his skin took on a polished bronze color under the harsh camera lights, but the camera didn't like Franklin.

1-800-FORTUNE

The moon was full and huge in the sky, a brilliant iridescent orb that stared down at the earth. Enza allowed the energy to feather over her as she removed the silk cloth protecting her Tarot cards.

The tarot deck has seventy-eight cards, four suits of fourteen cards each, Swords, Cups, Wands, and Pentacles, and twenty-two cards called the major arcane—the big mysteries.

Enza's mother told her she would learn to associate cards with people. She knew this was true. Because through her travels, she had met them all...

I hope you've enjoyed this month's post 😀. 

All of my novels are available on the BWL site.

or:

Amazon: https//www.amazon.com search: ConnieVines

Barnes and Noble Book Seller: https//www.barnesandnoble.com

Apple Book Store: https://books.apple.com 

Or via links on my website: https//www.connievines-author.com

Follow me: 

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Happy Reading,

Connie 

XOXO

Has our timeline been reset? by Vijaya Schartz

The Byzantium series is set on a space station and includes telepathic cats.
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Recently a new theory emerged to explain the slew of discoveries of ancient ruins from civilizations we never knew existed. We are all familiar with the stories of the Great Flood that erased ancient civilizations, and with the extinction of the dinosaurs, but there is another theory.

The new theory, based on the principle that time is not linear and all timelines exist at the same time, is that time travelers from the future are constantly monitoring our progress and resetting the timeline when we go off-course.

The recent discovery of Gobekli tepe baffled scientists
Who built it? and who buried it?

When we cross the line, go overboard, threaten to destroy the planet, these time travelers have the technology to take us back to the point where things were still on-track, or erase us all together and start from scratch. No memories of the erased civilizations remain, except their engineering achievements in stones. Although buried under millennia of dirt, thanks to lidar technology and drones, they eventually resurface and leave the scientists scratching their heads.

Intriguing subject for a science-fiction author.

Puma Punku in Bolivia defies everything we know about our past.
These perfect blocks interlock like a puzzle with a precision and smoothness
we would find challenging today, especially in such hard stone.
They also wear traces of machinery (drill holes)

On one hand, it’s reassuring to think that we will not be allowed to destroy ourselves or our planet… and on the other, it’s frightening to realize we do not know anything about these future humans or their agenda. If they wanted to destroy us, they would have the technology to do so… and maybe they did in the faraway past.

In the meantime, you can read my award-winning Epic Science Fiction Fantasy novels. There you will find strong heroines, brave heroes, a few intelligent cats, a little romance, and a lot of action, on alien planets and in space.

Here are a few for your perusing. Enjoy!

Azura Chronicles
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Blue Phantom trilogy
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Vijaya Schartz, award-winning author
Strong Heroines, Brave Heroes, cats
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My Dream Job by Joan Donaldson-Yarmey

 

https://books2read.com/West-to-the-Bay-Yarmey

 

https://books2read.com/West-to-Grande-Portage-V2

https://bwlpublishing.ca/donaldson-yarmey-joan/

My Dream Job

My desire to travel goes back to when I was in high school. There were so many places and things I wanted to see in the world but I had no idea what job would pay me enough to be able to travel around the world. Then I decided the only way I could see all the countries and their cities, historic sites and scenery was to become a stewardess. Just that name should tell you how many years ago that was.

     To help ensure that I would have a better stay in the places I visited, I studied French, German, and Russian so I would know some other languages for when I landed and maybe stayed over in another country. In my last year in high school a job show was held at my high school and I went to talk with the representative from an airline that had a booth there. She was dressed in her uniform and was very nice.

     I explained that I wanted to be a stewardess and asked for information. She told me that I had to be a certain height and weight, which I was. She said that all stewardesses had to wear a girdle even though their figures might be perfect. I was okay with that. Then she told me that anyone who wore glasses could not be a stewardess. I was devastated, since I needed prescription glasses but seldom wore them. I went to an optometrist to get contact lenses. This was when they were still made of hard material and my eyes could not adjust to them.

     So I gave up my dream of being a stewardess.

     I married after graduation and had wonderful children who have given me wonderful grandchildren. After taking some courses I became a writer, starting out with one article and then adding some historical and travel articles. I attended a course on finding a publisher and spoke with the publisher afterwards about an idea I had. He invited me to visit him at his office which I did and we decided I would write two travel books on the province of Alberta. I travelled extensively through Alberta and was amazed at the scenery, history, and sites in my home province. When those books were a success, I did the same in British Columbia, the Yukon, and Alaska. These I called my backroads series.

     I began my fiction writing career with mystery novels. I gave my main female character the parttime job of being a travel writer. She always gets involved in some sort of mystery when she is travelling and researching articles for magazines. I called the three novels The Travelling Detective Mystery Series. I hope to one day write a fourth in the series. 

     I belong to a dragon boat race team and I have taken part in international festivals in Caloundra, Queensland, Australia (spent four week visiting the sites of Queensland and New South Wales then a week in Fiji), Sarasota, Florida, USA, (my husband and I travelled through two provinces and nineteen states on our way there and back home) and Florence, Italy (I did two bus tours, one cruise, and rode trains and stayed in hostels while visiting twenty countries.) I’ve also been to Japan and China with my sister.

     So not realizing my desire to become a stewardess, or flight attendant as they are called today, has not stopped me from doing the travelling I dreamed of when I was younger.

Ivy Cottage by Victoria Chatham

 

AVAILABLE HERE

Many years ago, on a bright April day with cotton wool clouds whisked across a clear blue sky by a strong breeze, I first saw Ivy Cottage. I stood at the entrance of the driveway leading into the garden, where daffodils danced at the feet of a row of cordoned apple trees covered in blossoms. The lady of the house sat on the lawn in the sunshine, engrossed with her spinning wheel, and I felt as though I had wandered through a time-travel portal.

The term 'cottage' was quite misleading, as this three-hundred-year-old Cotswold stone and brick property was actually a five-bedroom house. We made an offer, which the vendor accepted, and in August of that year, we moved in. The garden had to take care of itself that autumn and winter, but as it began to thrive the following spring, I discovered many intriguing things growing spontaneously.

Aside from the fruit trees, there was a large vegetable patch, a raspberry patch, and my favourite—a sprawling wild garden I never touched. Rabbits hid there, foxes used a regular trail through it, and a hedgehog raised her babies there for several years in a row. Bees loved the foxgloves and honeysuckle, while butterflies were drawn to the lilacs and buddleia. Each year, appearing unannounced in a different part of the garden, were poppies, ox-eye daisies, and the delicate and shy fritillaries.  

rhsplants.co.uk

Another annual visitor was the teasel, which appeared in various parts of the garden each year. Known since before Tudor times for its woollen production, the mills in our area purchased locally grown teasels.  

thompsonmorgan.com

The teasels were dried, and their spiky heads were then used to raise the nap on the fabric. This process was known as ‘teasing.’ In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, locally grown commercially harvested teasel crops became a thing of the past due to cheap imported teasels from Spain. My teasels attracted not only pollinators when they came into flower, but once they went to seed, they provided a feast for various birds, particularly goldfinches.

a-z-animals.com

The goldfinches weren’t the only birds inhabiting the garden. We had a noisy wren nesting in an old wall and a robin in the potting shed. Chaffinches and bullfinches, lovely as it was to see them, became spring pests once the fruit blossoms appeared. House and hedge sparrows, blackbirds, and thrushes all came and went, alongside an infrequent woodpecker and an occasional blue jay.

Being a single working mum meant I often didn’t tend to the garden as much as I would have liked. When the grass grew too long, I borrowed a neighbour’s goats to trim it. The only issue with this was that they had to be tethered to a ground peg, resulting in various odd-looking crop circles. It was either that or have the garden completely stripped.

During the ten years we lived in that house, the vegetable and raspberry patches were expanded, and I cultivated various herbs in reclaimed clay chimney pots acquired from a local demolition yard.

pinterest.co.uk

 However, none of this brought me the same satisfaction as my wild garden and all its inhabitants, both flora and fauna.

Victoria Chatham

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An intro to D.L. Dixen, my "Skidded and Skunked" co-author

 

I stopped at a bookstore last week and the owners asked an obvious question, "Who is D.L. Dixen and how did she become your "Skidded and Skunked" co-author?"

Our collaboration began with "Prairie Menace" after my long-time cop consultant passed away. Ms. Dixen introduced herself at a library event and after explaining her law enforcement and legal system experience, she offered to proof my manuscripts. From there she advised me on horse/farm issues, she helped create the CJ Jensen character, and her basset showed up as a character in the Pine County series. She's been a key collaborator and editor for several years, so it was only logical that she contribute her writing skills.

Here's the bio she wrote for "Skidded and Skunked": D.L. Dixen makes her home on a small hobby farm with her family, ponies and basset hound, not far from the Pine County border. Her professional background ranges from the criminal justice system to secondary English education. Her professional experiences, coupled with her deep familial Pine County roots, make for good fiction in the Pine County mystery series. Skidded and Skunked is her first mystery.

Reviewers have posted many positive comments about our collaboration. This review is by Julie C. on Goodreads. "This was my whirlwind introduction to the Hovey and Dixen Pine County series. The situations this pair of writers came up with both shocked and amazed me. I can't count the number of wide-eyed moments I had. I am looking forward to getting to know the Pine County crew as the series grows!"

Check out "Skidded and Skunked", the latest Pine County mystery from BWL Publishing.

https://www.amazon.com/Skidded-Skunked-Pine-County-Book-ebook/dp/B0F2GWWSLZ

A Romance Parody. You Were Supposed to Laugh, by Diane Scott Lewis

 

To purchase this book, called "a worthwhile read (and nice change of pace)." ~ Long and Short Reviews, click HERE

If you like parodies, and funny romps through the 18th c., you'll enjoy my story where I poke fun at the tropes of romance novels. At least if you take it with a grain of salt.

I read many historical romance novels and usually found the formula, boy meets girl, they immediately fall in love, trouble ensues, but love and lust conquers all, contrived. I wanted to pen more believable stories, with long simmering attractions. But first, given the parodies of the popular Fifty Shades of Grey, I had to combine the usual tropes of this genre and have some fun.

Here is an excerpt: (Melwyn and Griffin are betrothed, but neither wants the match. He confronts her in the Vauxhall Gardens)

The chit’s wrist felt sparrow-thin in his hands. Griffin glared down at her, as she stared up, raspberry ice cream on her lips. At first startled, she didn’t scream and composed herself quickly; he had to admire that.

“How is your sojourn in London, my lady? A sudden urge to travel, had you?” Griffin smiled at the rising anger in her blue eyes.

“How dare you follow me, sir. And drag me into bushes.” Miss Pencavel pulled away from him, chin jutted out. “I told you my wishes in Cornwall. You have wasted your time if you’re here to change my mind.”

“Truth is, I did have business in town, so it’s not a total waste.” He rocked back on his heels, arms now behind his back. His actions were irrational, and totally alien to his usual demeanor. “You intrigue me, Miss Pencavel, such as a wasp might intrigue one. You wonder how close you may hover before being stung.”

He baited her, and enjoyed it. This slip of a girl provoked him, and that was disconcerting. Most females he understood as connivers or simpletons. Miss Pencavel appeared to be neither. Her eyes shone with an innate intelligence. Why had he followed her into the garden—while he had to admit that he’d searched for any sign of her in town—when he had little use for marriage? A wife like her would only get in his way.

Thomas Rowlandson 1780s, "Entrance to Vauxhall Gardens"

 
“I assure you, you will feel my sting.” She backed up a step and took another bite of her dessert. “You said cruel things about my mother. Even if they were true, you were still despicable.”

“I must apologize; I should have waited until I knew you better before being so straightforward.” He softened his words as a twig crackled under his buckled shoe. “But are you like your mother, partial to servants and other low-lifes?”

“I might be partial to whoever takes my fancy, a sailor, a groom, a particularly handsome nightsoil man.” She scrutinized him closely. “I’ve heard you have sinister inclinations, not that such things would bother me, being the free-thinking person I am, but I’d rather not be troubled with you.”

Griffin pondered what she really knew. He decided to deride her, to nudge her off-balance. He resisted the urge to brush a stray leaf from her cheek. “Are you already ruined, my girl, is that why you shy away?”

“I have been in various positions where I might have been ruined, but not in that compromising position I know nothing about, and you no doubt insinuate.” She licked her spoon, slowly.

'

"Beer Street and Gin Lane" by William Hogarth 1751

Many reviewers took offence at my fun-poking, but it was not meant to be taken seriously. My book club thought it hilarious.

For more on me and my books, visit my BWL author's page

https://bwlpublishing.ca/lewis-diane-scott/

Diane lives in Western Pennsylvania with one naughty dachshund.

'Crabbed age and youth'...by Sheila Claydon

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In a poem attributed to him, William Shakespeare said 'Crabbed age and youth cannot live together.' He was right about so many things but not about this, well at least from my perspective. Why do I feel this way? Well, although I sincerely hope I'm not crabbed, I am definitely aged. This means that I now have regular help with my garden and my house. Not a lot, but enough for me to no longer have to tackle the heavy jobs.

In the past 6 months my longtime gardener has retired and the woman who helped with the house has left to have a baby. So now, instead of seasoned experts, I have two young people helping me instead. My new gardener is 21 and just setting himself up in business. The cleaner 23. Both work hard but this is where the crabbed age bit could come in if I let it, because neither of them have enough experience to get everything right.

When I asked the gardener to clear the weeds that had grown up around my very small pond, he cleared everything leaving a patch of bare earth. That was when I discovered that his 5 year apprenticeship was in landscape gardening not horticulture and he didn't know a weed from a flower. Not the best recommendation for a gardener I know, but he wasn't aware of the difference and now he wants to learn. So while he does the heavy stuff, I teach him about the plants in the garden I have planted and nurtured over many years. As a bonus he has done a brilliant job of rebuilding the pond, re-laying paving stones and moving large plants, all things that needed his landscaping skills. And now we are working together I've learned all about his brothers and his parents, his dog and its recent operation, his hobbies (cage fighting...the mind shudders) and now, his new girlfriend and his plans for the future.

Then there is the cleaner. When she first arrived she seemed shy so, in true writerly fashion, I asked questions, hoping to put her at ease. That was when I discovered she is a student who is working to pay her way through university. She already has a Degree in computer science and is now studying for a Masters in Data Collection using Artificial Intelligence. Wow! I don't know how long I'll keep her as there must be a much more exciting future career out there for her, but in the meantime I'm learning quite a bit about the uses of AI while she learns some of the finer points of housekeeping. Because a 23 year old graduate who is still studying isn't ever going to be the best I consider a forgotten window or an unplumped cushion a small price to pay for our interesting conversations. So far I've learned about the use of AI in medical care, specifically the lungs, and in return she's learned how to clean windows without streaks, and how an expandable feather duster works wonders! Not a fair exchange really but it's all I had to offer other than my great admiration for how she is managing her life.

And in addition to those two I have my granddaughters, all of whom are moving forward with dreams and ambitions. A trainee vet, a college student whose final exams are almost over and is going to take a gap year, working behind a bar in addition to bringing on her young horse, while she decides what she actually wants to do, and finally a younger one just about to start senior school. They don't get to hear much about their grandmother. Instead they tell me all about their adventures, what thrills them and what bothers them.In this way I have learned a great deal about the inner workings of a horse, some rather grusome facts behind lambing large flocks, and the ethics of animal care. I've learned, too, how to mix an espresso cocktail and a mini Guinness. And the youngest one has taught me faster and better ways to use my Ipad and phone as well as how to catch mosquitos and the future of the world relating to climate change. Such a mixed and interesting bag!

We have young neighbours too, all of whom we like a lot and see regularly. So my take on Shakespeare's 'Crabbed age and Youth' quote is that old people won't ever get crabby if they open themselves up to living with the young. They have so much to tell us if we truly listen. And they are such fun.

My book Many a Moon, the third in my Mapleby Memories series, also includes relationships between the old and the much younger, and how wisdom can be exchanged for vitality and interest. Crabbed old age! Pah!