Saturday, June 23, 2018

Getting Through the Rough Times by Victoria Chatham



For writers, writing is usually a compunction, something they have to do, like breathing. Even before I really knew what I was doing, I wrote.

Yes, I’ve joked about my writing with crayons on the wall not being appreciated by my family (for obvious reasons) but making my mark by writing something, somewhere has, for me, always been a tangible expression, like prehistoric handprints on the wall of a cave, of my being here, on this planet, now. The now has shifted considerably over the years from childish drawings and weirdly shaped letters, to short stories about ponies and dogs, to prize-winning essays at school and onwards and upwards.

image courtesy of Shutterstock
Writing, as an art, was something I took up when I learned calligraphy. It came out of an art class where we were encouraged to illuminate the capital letter of our first name or surname. I chose V for Victoria, not H for Hammond as I was then. I liked the look of the letter V, and very early on also liked the fact that Victory and Valor both began with V. They seemed strong words to me then as they do now.

Combining the art of writing with the craft of it was something that came a lot later. Although I loved English classes, both literature and grammar, writing in my family was a serious business. It had to impart knowledge and instruction and, consequently, fiction and fun writing didn’t enter much into my education. However, at age thirteen I read a book whose title now escapes me although I can see the cover clearly. Anyone who remembers Douglas Fairbanks, or maybe Douglas Fairbanks jnr., would recognize the look of the handsome pirate wearing a bandanna, an open-neck shirt and swinging from a rope on some ship or another. If you’ll pardon the nautical pun, it opened up a whole new horizon for me.

I wrote short stories which friends enjoyed and encouraged me to 'send to a publisher.' I showed one short story to a well-respected children's book editor who suggested I submit it to a long defunct UK short story magazine called The Argosy. It was rejected but I persevered. After all, I had many more stories to write. However, my family was far less enthusiastic than my friends so I kept writing mainly for myself. When I started writing novels, erroneously thinking writing chapters would be like writing one short story after another, I very quickly found a whole new world within the writing world. 

But getting stuck in the writing is also part of a writer's life. It happened to me more often than not in the early days but books like Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg helped a great deal. 'How To' books from the Library were replaced with Google searches for ideas to jumpstart my work all over again. Tools like doodling with words and going for walks, listening to music, or washing the floor all got tested.

So, what does keep me going when the words won’t come, or won’t come in the way or order that I want them to? My best tried and true trick is to stop writing. I return to my favorite books, the ones that have left vivid impressions over the years and have had me sobbing my socks off or laughing out loud. My favorite go-to read is Georgette Heyer’s Frederica. I know that when I’m done reading it, I’ll go back to my writing with more energy and enthusiasm and then everything seems to flow again.







Victoria Chatham






Friday, June 22, 2018

Life 101, 102 or 103 (pick a class, any class)






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Life 101, 102 or 103 (pick a class, any class)

Summer’s here! The mosquitoes have arrived in waves and they’ve drunk enough of my blood to give Dracula a week-long hangover. I wonder what he takes for a hangover? Not Eno, I bet, maybe hair of the dog or in this case, hair of Hazel or George.
I also wonder what horrendously foul mood God (or Mother Nature, the big guy, dudette, cosmic teddy bear, Buddha, he, she or it; insert as appropriate to your beliefs) was in when he/she/it decided to invent winged vampires whose only purpose in life was to suck your blood. Couldn’t he have invented something more benign to feed the geckos?
            Which reminds me of my wife’s latest muse. She suddenly, out of nowhere, informed me that she thought gum was the most useless invention ever. Who in their right minds would invent something that you chew, chew, chew but never actually eat? What a nasty trick to play on your stomach, she said. She then challenged me to think of something invented by someone that was of less use than gum. I’m still working on that one!
            So who is the inventor of the (according to my wife) most useless thing ever invented? I think it was probably a dentist whose business was failing. Kinda like the story of the small town in the US where there was a spree of broken windows. Nothing stolen, so just vandals they thought. A few days later they arrested the local glazier! Genius, eh? Like the guy who reported to the police the theft of his duffel bag full of marijuana!
            Life and people make no sense at all sometimes, like the guy that decided to set the cruise control on his RV so he could go make a coffee, with the inevitable result. He was compensated over twenty million for that brainstorm because it didn’t tell you in the manual not to leave the wheel whilst the RV was on cruise control and we got the ridiculous list of dos and don’ts on any product you buy. Like, caution this hot coffee is hot! Man, good thing they told me that, I’d never have known.
            Or explain to me how a package of frozen cauliflower has to read “gluten free”. Isn’t it always?
            Or how a packet of peanuts has the caution “may contain nuts”.
I know now you’re wondering what’s the point of this blog. Well, it was my 60th birthday yesterday. I can start collecting a pension and get discounts on my meals. I remember back in my twenties when I thought I had figured out life, the mysteries of the universe and how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar. I’ve learned so much since then that I now realize I knew nothing back then, but I know even less now as I’ve forgotten most of what I learned anyhow. Age does that, you know.
In the end somethings just never change and the universe is a wonderful place, full of bizarre riddles. Damn, there’s another mozzy on my arm.


Sincerely
Frank Talaber
My webpage

http://twosoulmates.wixsite.com/frankt-author-blog

Frank Talaber’s Writing Style? He usually responds with: Mix Dan Millman (Way of The Peaceful Warrior) with Charles De Lint (Moonheart) and throw in a mad scattering of Tom Robbins (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues).
PS: He’s better looking than Stephen King (Carrie, The Stand, It, The Shining) and his romantic stuff will have you gasping quicker than Robert James Waller (Bridges Of Madison County).
Or as is often said: You don’t have to be mad to be a writer, but it sure helps.


https://www.facebook.com/FrankTalaber/
https://www.facebook.com/franktalaberpublishedauthor/ (My facebook short story page)

http://bwlpublishing.ca/authors/talaber-frank-suspense-urban-fantasy-canada/


T\https://about.me/ftalaber
Twitter: @FrankTalaber



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Tuesday, June 19, 2018

It's a Man's World...Unless You're a Praying Mantis by Stuart R. West

No science here! Click for humor and suspense!
And you guys think you have it bad!
Pity the plight of the poor praying mantis. Gather around for a little science lesson...

The other day my wife and I are sitting on the back deck. She's tending to a potted plant and says, "Hey! A walking stick!"

"Kill it," I scream, because everyone knows sticks shouldn't walk, a mutant aberration of science gone awry. And because everything I know about science I've learned from cartoons.

Upon further exploration, my wife says, "No...wait... It's a praying mantis."

Which is even worse. "Squish it! Get rid of it! For God's sake, destroy the beast!"

"No," says my wife, "praying mantises are good. She'll eat the bad bugs."

Hmm. "What in the world makes you think it's a female?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes, says, "There's a huge difference between male and female praying mantises."

I reached deep into the darkest pockets of my useless and dusty stored facts and plucked out something horrific. "Oh, yeah! It has a head, right? Because after the mantises procreate, the female eats the male's head."

"That's not the difference I'm talking about, but, yes, they do that."

"But why?" I knew the females feasted on heads, just couldn't figure out their motivation. "Are the females tired of a lifetime of male oppression? Are they into weird insectoid, extreme S&M and get carried away? Do they hate males?"

At this point, my wife's not a firm believer in the adage, There's no such thing as a stupid question. "They're just bugs doing...buggy things."

Ever the scientist, my wife gives it more thought. "I imagine the males' head is full of protein and good for the eggs. Mantises only mate once, then it's off with the males' head."

"So...you're saying that the male kinda just hangs out, has sex once, then at the peak of his short life, he gets his head eaten?"

"Pretty much."

"...No wonder they pray all the time." 

For more strange science (not really) and weird wonders of the world (or at least a spooky lil' Kansas town in the sixties), check out Peculiar County by clicking....wait for it...RIGHT HERE! 
A World of Weird Awaits Just One Click Away!

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