Never, Never, Ever Play Poker With Raccoons

Never, Never, Ever Play Poker With Raccoons

This is my after Easter blog post. Hey, everyone posts on Easter, thought more people would read it after. Especially the harassed Easter Bunny.

Which begs me to ask the question, how is it possible that a bunny lays colored eggs? But that’s just me, I often ask What if? Questions.

Like what if Santa flew on a sled pulled by reindeer? I’ve often wondered just how thick those long-johns of his are, mighty chilly up there all night long. You think he’d never make it over China or Russia without being shot down? I recon the underneath of his sled and the reindeer's hooves are coated in the same radar reflective Stealth Technology as the US Air Force uses. PS, since he’s been around a lot longer, I think he’s got the patents to it all and is basking in his royalty cheques in the off season (like the other 364 days). Man, now that’s a job I’d like to have.

 Back to today’s topic. I played poker the other day with two raccoons, Rocky and Ricky. They were twins I think, looked the same, but then they say that about us as well. “Humans, since they walk upright we can’t tell them apart as raccoons traditionally have bad eyesight and we can’t get glasses.”

I managed to lose by betting my outdoor statue, Stumpy on the outcome. See the video below and you’ll know what I mean.

  

https://www.facebook.com/FrankTalaber/videos/1339069006160995/

I’m also in the process of starting my first Author’s Newsletter page. Go to my Facebook published author’s page, and on the left side you’ll see email signup.

http://amazon.com/author/franktalaber

And sign up. You could win some nifty free swag, like ah, I don’t know, let me look around the room. Oh, pencils, I’ve got some cool pencils. And dust, lots of dust. I can give away all of my dust. Man, why didn’t I think of this earlier.

As for the raccoons, they won, only to find out Stumpy is too big for them to take away. Raccoons don’t do take away, they eat everything on the spot.

So they rioted and pushed Stumpy over and tore up all of my tulips. Man, I wish they’d learn to use a lawnmower. I wouldn’t mind it if they cut my grass instead. But that’s a tale for another day.

And if you enjoy that, maybe my newest video promoting myself and my writing will bring a chuckle to you as well.

Purchase at Amazon

My HollyWood Blurb for Raven's Lament: When Harry Met Sally, slammed into Canada's Karate Kid, set in a Harry Potter backdrop and populated by Native Mythical Beings

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Thunderbird's Wake, The Hollywood Blurb: Green Mile set on the west coast, screenplay by Agatha Christie, Directed by Quentin Tarantino. 

Frank Talaber’s Writing Style? He usually responds with: Mix Dan Millman (Way of The Peaceful Warrior) with Charles De Lint (Moonheart) and throw in a mad scattering of Tom Robbins (Even Cowgirls Get The Blues). PS: He’s better looking than Stephen King (Carrie, The Stand, It, The Shining) and his romantic stuff will have you gasping quicker than Robert James Waller (Bridges Of Madison County).

Or as is often said: You don’t have to be mad to be a writer, but it sure helps.

Writer by soul. Karma the seed. Words born within.

Paper the medium. Pen the muse. Novels the fire.

My websites

http://www.bookswelove.net/authors/talaber-frank/

http://twosoulmates.wix.com/frankt-author-blog

http://amazon.com/author/franktalaber

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Frank-Talaber/805296946204873

Twitter: @FrankTalaber

Purchase at Amazon at

What's a Cozy Mystery? by J.Q. Rose

Cozy mystery author J.Q. Rose
Dangerous Sanctuary available at the Books We Love bookstore

What's a Cozy Mystery? by J.Q. Rose

When my romantic suspense novel, Dangerous Sanctuary, was first released, I received this review from Susan B. "It was a delightful cozy, with some romance, some religion, and lots of mystery. This novel has an interesting cast of characters, humorous situations, and was filled with surprises."

As I read the review, I wondered how many readers had heard of a cozy mystery. How many writers? For sure, when I began writing Dangerous Sanctuary, formerly published as Coda to Murder, I wasn't thinking "cozy mystery." I just wanted to write what I like to read. 

I like stories with 
▶ a mystery and some humor, 
▶ a strong female protagonist, 
▶ not a lot of blood and gore, 
▶ and some sweet romance. 

I had to research police procedures for my novel, Dangerous Sanctuary.

I didn't choose a main character who was in law enforcement mainly because I have no experience with police methods.  Because there was a crime committed in my story, I had to research a few procedures. Thank goodness my neighbor was a policeman and a valuable resource.

Until I received Susan's review I never even considered I had written a cozy mystery! I definitely began looking into the elements needed to fit the qualifications for a cozy mystery and discovered my novel did fit into the cozy mystery genre. Most authors and readers agree on the following points:

1. The investigator is not a professional in law enforcement In Dangerous Sanctuary the female pastor is the sleuth.
2. The main character's vocation is different and interesting. I thought a female minister fit the vocation requirement very well
3. The crime is usually murder, but not a lot of gory description
4. Quite often the story takes place in a small town.or a place where the investigator has contact with many people e.g. the church members. 
5.  Romance, but no explicit sex.

Abraham the pig has become quite a star in the cozy mystery, Dangerous Sanctuary.

Do you read cozy mysteries? What do you like about this genre? Please leave a comment below. If you have other elements to define a cozy mystery, please add them in the comments below. We'd love to hear from you. Thanks.

Find several talented cozy mystery authors at the BWL bookstore.

Connect online with JQ Rose
J.Q. Rose blog

From Bedroom to Book: Chili Run by Stuart R. West

From pillow to page...

Despite the rather enticing, come-hither title of this post (gotcha!), I'm not going to start writing erotica.

Rather, it's a round-about way to chat up my new comedy thriller, Chili Run.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, a kazillion times sorry!

Let's back up...

I have a vividly wild dream life, ranging from talking cat gangstas to bathrooms that eat people. After these strange dreams--during that oddly drifting, half-awake, half-asleep state of mind where the dreams still somewhat resemble logic--I think, "Hey! This would make a nifty book!"

Then, I wake up and think, "Man, what was I thinking?" No one wants to read an epic fantasy novel about a family of royal lions who fly 1930's fighter planes to save the kingdom. I shower, go about my day, the dreams drifting away like cottonwood in the wind.

This wasn't the case with Chili Run. This dream stuck with me, absurd though it was. I toyed with it, determined to find a way to make it work. I knew what the gist was; now I had the unenviable task of trying to make sense of it.

Well, here...the blurb says it best:

When Wendell Worthy decides to blow off laundry for the day, he has no idea he'll soon be running across downtown Kansas City in his tighty-whities. But a murderous, psychotic drug dealer has his brother and the ransom's a cup of chili that has to be delivered within two hours.  The catch? There are rules in place: no rides, no money, no help. And Wendell has to do it in his underwear. Regardless of the rules, he knows he can’t go it alone. The only person downtown who might help is Alicia. Too bad their one and only date ended in disaster. Wendell can run like the devil’s on his tail, and he’s gonna’ need to, because all sorts of hell’s about to break loose.

Okay, I know dream analysts are gonna have a field day with the subject matter. There's the requisite recurring nightmare of being caught out in public in your underwear (or nude). I pay it full tribute and absolutely own it.

Researching the book was a bear. To accurately describe downtown, Kansas City, my wife patiently drove me around so I could plot out Wendell's trajectory and, I hope, paint a unique, darkly comic, nightmare vista.

While there's a streak (ugh on the pun!) of humor running (again, ugh.) through the book, it's not as in-your-face, silly as my Zach and Zora comic mysteries, but it's a cousin of sorts. (There's even a quick connection for eagle-eyed readers to the aforementioned series, cementing it in the same universe). Here the stakes are higher and lives are hanging in the balance.

For me, the book's kind of an experiment. As Wendell runs through most of the book, I strove to keep the book moving along from one bizarre and dangerous adventure to the next. It's told in "real time," too, kinda' like the TV series 24 (while writing it, the soundtrack in my head consisted of that annoying "ka-ching, ka-chung" of 24's clock running down; plenty of aspirin were consumed).

What I thought was going to be an easy-peasy, cakewalk of a book turned into a huge struggle due to the above-mentioned reasons and more. I mean, honestly, how many different ways can you describe running?

Along the way, just like my protagonist's character, themes developed and grew, some understated, some not so much. It's about racism, writing, and above all--most surprising--it turned into a love story.

All in a little book about a guy running through public in his tighty-whities trying to save his dumb brother's life.

Chili Run: The perfect thriller for the reader on the go.