How NOT To Be A Gremlin During Your In-Person Book Reading! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So if you're here because you've read the title than you already know. This Saturday I have a book reading!

 

Yay!

Which is great! The Lorenzo Society of the University of New Brunswick has invited me and three other local authors to read at the local library. There will be a panel discussion and book signings and presumably readings... It's definitely yay worthy. But the question that usually pops up when this sort of event occurs is how do I look and act like a normal person when in fact I am... well...

A writer...

Reading your own stuff aloud is the worst!

Now, anyone that knows me is aware that I am not particularly introverted, but I assure you that based on the opinions of many of my writer friends and acquaintances, I am an anomaly. That's not to say that I don't get nervous about standing up in front of people and reading aloud something I poured a piece of my heart and soul into... but I'm also not going to faint or drink a box of wine to get me through it. 

I can get by with only one glass of wine...

In fact, my original method was to make the audience MORE uncomfortable than I was prone to be! Listen to my reasoning... If I read something that is weird or makes them squirm... most probably they will not only remember it, but secretly want more! Also... fewer people will come up to you after your done because well... they know what kind of crap you're writing. My logic is sound... shhh!

Unless they are as weird as you... which means potential friends! :D

The first reading I ever did was in South Korea. I read a raunchy scene I had wrote in my first book--something about splitting a melon... I'll let you guys mentally elucidate that one. 

The second time I did a reading I read aloud a murder scene...

...and then she screamed as the killer KILLED HER! KILLED HER TO DEATH!

I got tons of accolades! And made tons of friends... *more than two, I think* Of course those two particular readings were at bars late into cocktail hour but... ya know it worked out alright. 

This time it won't be so crazy--which is probably for the best because this is an actual reading that doesn't take place in a bar or some poetry rich cafe. 

See? It's real! That's my face in the banner.

I'll also be reading from a book that isn't as risqué as my other novels--which is probably the result of writing with Tara and not just relying on my own sinister mind babies. But regardless, it will be fun! 

If your ever in the position or thinking about doing a reading however, I do have some other tips outside of making your audience regret ever coming. I can understand that if your mom is watching, it may be difficult to read something as raunchy as "melon splitting." Of course I don't know that from experience...

Ahem...

But I am digressing...

Advice the first! It's easier if you are reading with other authors. Somehow your combined authorness *awkwardness... cough cough* provides some kind of protective shell that can tend to alleviate a large portion of your anxiety! 

Advice number two! Be prepared beforehand. Carefully choose and read aloud in the mirror to yourself a few times. 

Advice three. Make sure you know where the bathroom is when you arrive at the reading aloud venue! If you're anything like me, you may get the nervous poops or have to pee right before its your turn. 

Last advice tip! Don't worry too much about it. If you've been invited to read, chances are people want to hear you and are excited about your book. Own your words! 

 

Oh crap, sorry George! I completely forgot to mention you!
"That's ok. No worries, brah! Leave me outta it."
Guess it would be hard for you to do a reading, eh? Especially for a book that isn't out yet...
"Why you gotta do me like that, huh?"
Sorry, George...