Brace Yourself, Sweater Weather--and a New Book-- is Coming by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

      September! It is offically spooky season! The stores are already stuffed full of Halloween goodies, and I just can't wait to jam them in all corners of my house until it resembles something haunted and is a possible candidate for Hoarders: Horror Edition. Whoot! I always get excited for this time of year, because not only are witches and warlocks about, it's also sweater and leggings season and MAN can I rock a good sweater/legging combo! 

For real tho! Pants are way overrated. I don't need that kinda stress in my life, especially with the holidays fast approaching. And as much as I love summer, I hate being so super hot that I can't go outside without slathering cream all over my face to prevent it from turning into some kind of fruit/veg hybrid! 

So leggings and sweaters! Cozy, yet fashionable enough that when someone comes for a surprise visit, you aren't hiding in the next room hoping they go away because you've been sweltering in your underwear all day. Also support. Leggings are like... the new bra. Especially for us folks who've had a baby or two or like to indulge in an extra slice of ice cream cake every now and then.

But despite sweater weather fast approaching, I can't get over the fact that Christmas decorations are already starting to show up on shelves. Is it just me? Is anyone else out there nauseated by the fact that December is like four months away and already the holly jolly face of Santa Clause is trying to pervert our thoughts with this overwhelming beast of a holiday? FOUR MONTHS! That's a third of the year that our stores are infested with this festive parasite!

It drives me nuts. I mean, I like Christmas, but I like Christmas in December! Leave September, October and November alone, Kris Kringle, we aren't ready for you yet! 

Saying that, I am excited to announce that my co author and I are about to release the second book in the Ballroom Riot series. If you didn't notice that sparkly new book cover up top, go and check it out! It would definitely make a great Christmas gift....

Bunker Blitz is set to release in October. Not sure of the exact date yet, but I can promise that it'll be out before Winds of Winter. That thing is just a lost cause by now. I mean... I really want to go watch House of Dragon but I just can't bring myself to do it until he finishes the Song of Fire and Ice series. So I guess I'll never see it... unless by some miracle he pens the book... or he dies and his publisher gets someone else to do it...

Which mean's he's basically immortal now *shrug*

 But in the meantime! Bunker Blitz! Ya know, in case you were too lazy to scroll up ;)

Resentment is brewing in the streets of Comero. Although local dragon Shad O’Rahin thought his enemies were finally eliminated, the return of an old rival threatens to shake his grip on the city’s illegal liquor trade. While he takes steps to eliminate the danger to his enterprise, Shad’s wife, Scarlet Fortune is caught in the crossfire. 

Scarlet is the last vampire left in the Comero Police Department. When blackmail begins to jeopardize her career, she launches an investigation to take care of the situation on her own. But with their first child on the way and an unexpected visit from reptilian in-laws throwing their peaceful homelife into turmoil, the situation may prove too tough to tackle alone. Especially when a pretty gold dragon starts making eyes at her husband!

Their difficulties only escalate, leading them both into danger as they peek at the rotten underbelly of Comero’s vampire blood trade. With other dragons in town vying to drive a wedge between them, can Scarlet and Shad find a way to face the threat together?

…all while picking out baby names?

I'm Going On A Writer's Retreat to Retreat From My Life by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

      I'm back! Ya-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay! And if you were anywhere near Canada last month, you may have heard--or experienced--the giant internet outage that raged throughout the country. The chaos it caused! I'm talking mass hysteria! Riots in the streets! 

Okay, not really. Though it happened while I was coming home from PEI and leaving the province without access to a debit card was a bit wonky. If you've read my previous post about the Island of Prince Edward, you may know that in order to leave you need to pay money. And in a world increasingly reliant on an invisible cyber universe, not having access to your bank account can make things difficult. 

 But I escaped! And the internet is back, so I can blissfully immerse myself in stupid cat memes, tik toks and other general nonsense that keeps me from doing anything remotely worthwhile during the course of my day to day life! 

Which may be the reason I thought it was a good idea to sign up for a writer's retreat! 

Whenever I write it's always a retreat... from the crushing reality of my own inadequacies...  
*not really*.... cries

So what is a writer's retreat? Well, I suppose that depends... For me, it's offering a chance to escape the mania of my household for a weekend and browse facebook somewhere that is devoid of familial distraction and responsibilities...

For the sake of my sanity. 

But really? It's a chance to write and I'm REALLY FREAKING excited! Not because I'm going to constantly worry about wasting time, but because it's been almost three years that I've had an opportunity to focus on my writing. My husband has graciously been supportive in my decision to go, and it's only a weekend! So I mean, definitely not enough time for them to destroy the house or summon Cthulhu accidently, right? 

Nah... it will be okay. That's a problem for future me. I ain't gonna worry about it until I get back. Present me is excited! Thrilled! Already prepping my current work in progress for all the productivity I am going to encompass!

*True dat*

Maybe I'll leave the computer at home... or buy one of those fancy, old style typewriters to keep me from becoming distracted... What would you do? I suppose I could hire someone to come along and slap me across the face whenever I start browsing the toks! But that kinda defeats the purpose of being by myself for the weekend... and...

...is there such a service? 

  What if I invented one!? What if there's a catalogue of hires you can choose from. They come with you, tell you that you're a great writer and will read all your crummy drafts, SMASH that writers block. 

I think I'd need a tall dark and handsome one... who likes to walk around with his shirt off...

Maybe less Zoidberg and more Mamoa...

Maybe George R. R. Martin should go on a writer's retreat. Maybe if it works for me, I'll suggest it on his social media platform! 

 

At least it's an ending... *Cries again*

Also, how the H-E-double hockey stick does Winds of Winter already have OVER 9000 reviews on Goodreads!? IT'S NOT EVEN OUT YET PEOPLE!!!

Why am I always crying? 

If I Die, Please Delete My Google Search History by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

      So summer has sprung and I have been up to my eyeballs in projects. As I said last month, I won second place in a long fiction competition, and was invited to read aloud at a local University. It was fun. Many eyerolls were had when I finished, because thanks to liquid courage, I attempted to read a smexy passage with all the ardour that the piece required. 

hur hur!

But I wasn't fazed! In fact, I have been told on multiple occassions that I am pretty good when it comes to reading aloud? Why? Well, because frankly I don't give a *$5^%. There! I said it--kinda--I just don't care. Now my husband, who sat in the front row to listen to me read? Well, he might have cared a little, but all in all it was fun to stand in front of everyone, get an award and a cheque, then read a bunch of *pron* to a crowd of people I don't know.   

I honestly gotta give it to the judges though. They had good taste! And no, of course I'm not biased.

In other news--and before I get in trouble with the moderators for being too risque--I have finally finished penning another novel! Whoot. Together, my co-author and I have finally finished the first draft of Ballroom Riot 2--title pending. It feels good to finish a work in progress...

I should have used this gif earlier...

Now I am on to editing, and then after that, I shall be working on a new project with several other writers at Books We Love Publishing. I won't say too much about it right now, just because I haven't had a whole ton of time to think on it, but it's a mystery that takes place in PEI.

And also, I am going to PEI this summer! Whoot! How fortuitous. I shall spend all my time at libraries and in the fields sniffing the potatoes, and buried beneath the red, sandy beaches getting a feel for my island neighbours! 

and also paying to leave :/

 It will be exciting. Though my timeline to finish is a few years time, and I have a few other projects I hope to conclude before then, I will make sure I stick to a plan and deliever before HBO comes out with any shows based on my books. 

Get it? Because it will never happen... *cries* T_T

But then again... neither will Winds of Winter, right George?

Lies. All lies...

Mother's Day was Yesterday but I'm Still Gonna Talk About It! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

  So Mother's Day was yesterday and I'm a mom. Since I usually write my blog posts the day before, I bet you can already tell that this will be the equivalent of the present day filler episodes you always groaned about when you would tune into your favorite TV show for the evening way back when tv guides were a thing they printed in newspapers. Back then--God, I'm getting old--we had to endure all sorts of stuff, cliffhangers, commercials! and the occasional patchwork of show summaries told through flashbacks mid seasons. 

But some of you may want to know what I did this weekend. And if that's the case then you're in for a treat because I can honestly say that my Mother Day's escapades were so darn exciting that they left me with a very sore bum.  

Okay... don't look up sore bum memes on google...
*goes to tear out my eyes*

We went horseback riding! Actually we went glamping at a little ranch and they offered horse rides. It was fun! I had a little black horse named Ray and my husband got a much bigger horse named Blake. Now, I HAVE went horseback riding before, I'm not completely green, however, it was a long, LONG time ago... like longer than the lines at Disney World, or longer than grandpa's toenails or... *wait for it* longer than we've been waiting for George R. R. Martin to pen and publish Winds of Winter...

Ba Dum Tss! That's a wrap. We did the George joke. Roll credits!

So my bum got sore from all the trotting we did. In case you never noticed or knew, I have a small bum, with not much padding, and so I'm pretty sure I wore down my arse to my bum bones. Baby got back, I do not. Fat bottom girls... well, I defintiely don't make the world go round. 

We also got to stay in a lighthouse, which is where the glamping aspect comes in. I don't really enjoy camping as a rule. I hate sleeping in a tent and waking up soggy from all the humidity, but this was a nice little cabin-esk feel with a bed and running toilet and a view to die for all packaged in a thing that quite closely resembled a lighthouse. We ate lots of hotdogs, went hiking, and had a relaxing weekend. Which, if you're a mother you REALLY begin to appreciate after having a little one. Pre-kid me might have been bored out of their mind, but mom me was like... 

More wine please...

I also have great news! Which you will probably hear about more next month but if you managed to read down this far then WHOOT! You get to know first! 

One of the stories I have been working on won second place in the David Addam's Richard Prize for fiction! It's hosted annually by the Writer's Federation of New Brunswick, but as part of my cash reward I am also invited to a gala to do a reading! Yay!

Yay.

 It's pretty bewildering to me actually, because if you've read my earlier blogs you'd know that I was skeptical about winning in the first place. Why? Because the piece I submitted is pretty adult. And in general, adult themed books are not always taken seriously. 

I know, I know, you wanna know what it's about, but I can only give you a clue because, well... stuff! 

Well... it's KINDA a fanfic...

Ready? Set? How to Start a Book! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

I have so much going on this month I think my brain is going to spontaneously combust! Which, now that I think about it, may be for the better because it's been so cold here that a little inner fire may finally warm me up. Has anyone else been enduring the chill winter frost to the point that're holding out on the chance that they may randomly explode in a fiery inferno? Just me? Darn these Canadian winters!

But back to the point, which is that this month has been a flurry of things whirling about my head demanding my attention and seldomly seeing any of it. Why? Well, because I got a new gaming system from my husband and I've been furiously hacking and slashing at baddies all month, but also because I have been trying to get a submission done for a writing contest. 

Now usually, I don't put a lot of effort into writing competitively, but I really just got the gumption to try it out this year. I am pretty cynical about my chances of winning, mostly because I am submitting an erotica and I think the judges may be too stiff to consider it thoughtfully. 

HUR HUR... stiff...

But during my foray into competitive writing, I was asked by a lovely individual-- who reached out to me curious about starting her first book--how to begin writing a story! 

Well... as you can imagine, at first I was flattered. I mean, someone was asking ME how to write a book, which would infer that SOMEONE also THOUGHT I knew how to write one! A human being, who IS real, I'll have you know! Was asking me how to start writing a book because she believed I was learned enough to give advice!

I'm so touched...

But then I wondered... well... how DO you start writing a book, Vanessa? And I had to pause, because honestly I just flew from the seat of my pants when it came to writing. I had an idea--thought up in the shower, or while pretending to poop while my husband looked after our toddler--and then I sat down and let my fingers dredge it up from the pit of my stomach onto some word document that I'd either trash later or let simmer until it condensed into something tangible. 

But... that wasn't very good advice! Oh no, I thought. I'm a fraud! A con! I don't deserve this nice woman's faith! I can't possibly tell her to go have a poop and see what pops in her head... what do I do? 

What Would Picard Do?

So I asked her first what she was writing. It helps to know what genre you're getting yourself into. Conjuring up stories on the John is all well and good, but if you're writing historical non-fiction, you may have to go number two at the library. Regardless, the best thing to do is to have some kind of outline at some point. I've talked about pantsers before, and how some people just write by the seat of their pants--

Ahem... Me.

--but it IS good practice to at least write something down in terms of getting all your ducks in a row. I mean, compiling notes and character profiles and plot points is good, when you want to make sure everything is cohesive in the end. If Scarlet Fortune, the hard-boiled detective, is off to fight crime at the beginning of the book, it may be best to ensure she's not running off in Wonderland to find the white rabbit at the end. 

Does that make sense? ...No? 

Well your story should. So having a basic outline is usually good at some point. Like I said, I tend to start off spontaneously, wait till the plot begins to form into something I can work with, then go back and scribble an outline to build upon. I mean, there are always outliers to this method. Virgina Woolf's stream of consciousness as displayed in her lighthouse book doesn't seem to follow this rule, but I personally hated that novel and wouldn't recommend it to anybody. 

But at least 'Gina finished her book, right George?

I will spontaneous combust before I ever get to read 
Winds of Winter...

 So I suppose the best advice I can give about how to start a novel is to just start it. Write some stuff down, see how you feel about it. Write some more. Erase. Plan some--or not, if that's how you roll. Write more. Succub to your own self-doubt. Cry. Write a lot more. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Finish. Then gulp down a glass a wine of four to celebrate! 

Because ultimately the easiest part of writing a book is writing it. So, sorry if this is bad news bears... but when it comes to editing, publishing, MARKETING--which is the devil, by the way--that's where things get pretty messy, and complicated. 

But writing is art! And art is nebulous. Some people like to draw things and their drawings look like the things they look like, and other people throw up on a canvass and sell that to the highest bidder. 

Shhh... I'm making art...

 So my advice is to just write. Whether you plot it first, have to do eons of research or compile photographs, the most important part of starting a book is making sure all 26 letters of the alphabet are levelled out on the page in some kind of pattern that is at least pleasing to you, the author. Worry about all the other stuff later. 

Because you can do it. 

You can do the thing!  

 

How NOT To Be A Gremlin During Your In-Person Book Reading! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So if you're here because you've read the title than you already know. This Saturday I have a book reading!

 

Yay!

Which is great! The Lorenzo Society of the University of New Brunswick has invited me and three other local authors to read at the local library. There will be a panel discussion and book signings and presumably readings... It's definitely yay worthy. But the question that usually pops up when this sort of event occurs is how do I look and act like a normal person when in fact I am... well...

A writer...

Reading your own stuff aloud is the worst!

Now, anyone that knows me is aware that I am not particularly introverted, but I assure you that based on the opinions of many of my writer friends and acquaintances, I am an anomaly. That's not to say that I don't get nervous about standing up in front of people and reading aloud something I poured a piece of my heart and soul into... but I'm also not going to faint or drink a box of wine to get me through it. 

I can get by with only one glass of wine...

In fact, my original method was to make the audience MORE uncomfortable than I was prone to be! Listen to my reasoning... If I read something that is weird or makes them squirm... most probably they will not only remember it, but secretly want more! Also... fewer people will come up to you after your done because well... they know what kind of crap you're writing. My logic is sound... shhh!

Unless they are as weird as you... which means potential friends! :D

The first reading I ever did was in South Korea. I read a raunchy scene I had wrote in my first book--something about splitting a melon... I'll let you guys mentally elucidate that one. 

The second time I did a reading I read aloud a murder scene...

...and then she screamed as the killer KILLED HER! KILLED HER TO DEATH!

I got tons of accolades! And made tons of friends... *more than two, I think* Of course those two particular readings were at bars late into cocktail hour but... ya know it worked out alright. 

This time it won't be so crazy--which is probably for the best because this is an actual reading that doesn't take place in a bar or some poetry rich cafe. 

See? It's real! That's my face in the banner.

I'll also be reading from a book that isn't as risqué as my other novels--which is probably the result of writing with Tara and not just relying on my own sinister mind babies. But regardless, it will be fun! 

If your ever in the position or thinking about doing a reading however, I do have some other tips outside of making your audience regret ever coming. I can understand that if your mom is watching, it may be difficult to read something as raunchy as "melon splitting." Of course I don't know that from experience...

Ahem...

But I am digressing...

Advice the first! It's easier if you are reading with other authors. Somehow your combined authorness *awkwardness... cough cough* provides some kind of protective shell that can tend to alleviate a large portion of your anxiety! 

Advice number two! Be prepared beforehand. Carefully choose and read aloud in the mirror to yourself a few times. 

Advice three. Make sure you know where the bathroom is when you arrive at the reading aloud venue! If you're anything like me, you may get the nervous poops or have to pee right before its your turn. 

Last advice tip! Don't worry too much about it. If you've been invited to read, chances are people want to hear you and are excited about your book. Own your words! 

 

Oh crap, sorry George! I completely forgot to mention you!
"That's ok. No worries, brah! Leave me outta it."
Guess it would be hard for you to do a reading, eh? Especially for a book that isn't out yet...
"Why you gotta do me like that, huh?"
Sorry, George...