Dealing with divorce isn’t easy. Dealing with children
during divorce is hard. Dealing with an ex-husband who doesn’t care about his
kids is almost impossible.
How do I know? I lived it. After fifteen years of marriage
and two kids, my ex walked out. Left us on our won, almost penniless to deal with
life without him. Not only that, he left me to tell the kids. How do you tell
an eight and ten year old, their father’s gone and not coming back?
Not that he was a great father to begin with, the kids
rarely saw him, but he was their father. I’ll never forget the day he told me
he was leaving. It wasn’t working for us, he said. He found someone else. You
could have knocked me over with a feather. But I should have known. All the
signs were there, working late, lipstick on his collar. How could I have been so stupid to ignore it?
He wanted a quick divorce to marry his pregnant secretary.
Can you beat that? He never called our kids, never visited. The worst part, he
refused to pay child support. I’d about had enough, but what was I to do? How do
you force a man to pay?
I know, I could take him to court, they’d tell him to pay,
but how to make him. Worst part, he was a lawyer. They tended to stick together
no matter how wrong they were.
So I formed a group with a few friends who’d gone through
the same thing. I was shocked to see how many women experienced the same thing.
Had the men of this town gone crazy? How does anyone walk away from their kids?
How does an self-respecting, responsible man refuse to pay child support?
I didn’t have the answer, but there were a lot of them. Now
if we could figure a way to make them pay. Many of these men had disappeared. No
one knew if they were alive or dead. Women who supported these men through the
hard times were now left to deal with life on their own. I discovered most of
these men were controlling. Not only didn’t they allow their wives to work,
most of them weren’t allowed out without their kids, except for school
functions.
I finally decided to take matters into my own hands. I’d
demand my ex pay child support. I’d had enough. So, I went to his work and
waited for him in the parking garage. We were going to have it out once and for
all and I wasn’t leaving without some money.
What happened next tore me apart. Read about my experience
in Deadbeat Dads available for 99 cents for a limited time from
Amazon.
Excerpt:
“Okay
ladies,” I looked at the women gathered around me. Lisa Daly, who encouraged me
to start this group, was here and Nicole Brown. Poor thing never went out while
she was married. Oh, and Louise Conners, I still couldn’t believe her husband
ran off with his receptionist, and now they were going through a nasty divorce.
Not sure why that surprised more than the others. It shouldn’t. There was quite
a turn out. Half the women I didn’t know.
I
brought my attention back to the meeting. “First order of business, a name for
our group, any ideas?”
“Deadbeat
Dads Anonymous,” someone called out.
“Wives
of Deadbeat Dads,” someone else yelled. “Or Women Against Deadbeat Dads.”
“Better
yet, how about Mothers Against Deadbeat Dads.
MADD!” Lisa Daly shouted.
I
laughed. I couldn’t help it. There certainly wasn’t a shortage of names. “We’re
mad for sure but that sounds too much like Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.”
“ADD,”
someone else yelled. Against Deadbeat Dads.”
Nicole
Brown’s hand went up. “Nicole, what’s your idea?”
“How
about Wives Enraged at Deadbeat Dads. W.E.D.D.?” Nicole’s voice barely reached
above a whisper.
Poor
Nicole. Her ex-husband had knocked her self confidence so low. I was surprised
to even see her here. I met her at a
school function. Nicole’s daughter, Cindy, was in the same class as my Josh. I
had heard through the grapevine that Bob, Nicole’s ex, had run off with a
stripper. Talk about humiliating. I shivered at the thought.
Suddenly
everyone came alive. Shouts of “Hey, that’s great, I like that,” sounded
throughout the room.
“Okay
then it sounds unanimous, Wives Enraged at Deadbeat Dads it is. All in favor
raise your hands. W.E.D.D.” Kind of
funny when you thought about it. None of us were wed any more.
Twelve
hands went up. “Motion carried. We are
officially Wives Enraged at Deadbeat Dads. Now we need to set up a schedule for
our meetings and discuss our agenda.
First, we need to choose a Chairperson.”
Nicole’s
hand went up again. “I nominate Erica Morris for chair person.”
“I
second that motion.” Lisa Daly raised her hand. “This group was your idea. I think you should chair it.”
Me
as chair person? I wasn’t too crazy about the idea. “Any other nominations?” I
hoped someone would raise their hand. No such luck. Heat rushed into my face. I
had a feeling it turned as red as my hair, which was pretty red. I wasn’t used
to being the center of attention. Never liked it and sure didn’t care for it
now.
The
room remained quiet.
No
other nominees. “Okay then, all in favor, show of hands. Motion carried, I
guess I’m the chairperson. Thank you, I’m flattered.” Flattered but a little
taken aback. Hopefully, I wouldn’t let anyone down. “Let’s break for refreshments and we can
continue our discussion while we snack.”
I needed a moment to myself.
I
never expected the group to name me chairperson. I’d never chaired anything in
my life. In fact, the parents group at my children’s school was the only other
group I had ever joined.
Johnny
didn’t like me to go out and do things. He expected his wife to stay home, and
God forbid, I even suggested going out alone while he stayed home with the
kids. Anger flared in me as I recalled
how often he came home late. Working,
yeah right, spending time with his playmates was more like it. How could I have
been so stupid? I remembered the day he told me he was leaving. Just like that
out of the clear blue sky.
“It’s
not working for us, Erica,” Johnny said. “I found someone else.”
Oh,
he found someone else all right, his young, sexy secretary. You could have knocked
me over with a feather. I should have
known. All the signs were there, his late hours and lipstick on his collar. He
was comforting the wife of a friend, he lied. I did a slow burn as the memories
returned. And then he left, packed his clothes and just walked out without even
a goodbye to the kids, left me to deal with them as usual.
Katie
and Josh woke up the next morning expecting to see their father. Not that they
saw much of him, but sometimes he ate breakfast with them and made polite
conversation. That was nine months ago, and he hadn’t been back since, not even
to visit the kids. He wanted a quick no fault divorce so he could marry his
pregnant secretary.
I
almost refused, but figured why fight it?
The kids and I were better off without him, but how do you explain to an
eight and ten year old that their father doesn’t care about them, that he had a
new life with a new baby? It was one
thing to forget about me, but not the kids. And I haven’t received even one of
the child support payments he agreed to pay in the divorce settlement.
“Erica,
hey are you okay?” Lisa’s hand on my shoulder startled me. “You look mad enough
to spit nails. Thinking about Johnny, I
bet.”
“Huh,
oh yeah sorry, my mind was wandering. Yeah. I was thinking about Johnny. I just
can’t believe he doesn’t care about the kids. He’s missed every scheduled
visit. He doesn’t return my calls, and of course I can’t get past his
secretary, uh wife, at the office or at home.
I could have him arrested, but with his connections he’d get off
Scott-free. I know it.”
“Well
that’s why we started this group isn’t it? Come on if we all put our heads
together we’ll come up with something to make them pay.”
The
rest of the meeting involved mostly chit chat about this ex hubby or that one
and how rotten they all were. It was small consolation to know others had the
same problem.
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