Do you have time for the 11-3-6 rule? ... by Sheila Claydon

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Friendship can be tricky. There are the friends you can say (almost) anything to, the friends whose beliefs and thoughts you have to dance around if you don't share them, and the friends who like to talk rather than listen. Then there are the friends who disappear for weeks at a time only to reappear when they are suddenly upended by something life has thrown at them. And of course the dear friends who are always there for you. I've got them all and I wouldn't be without a single one. I find people endlessly fascinating (a writer's tic I guess) which means I like my friends, warts and all. And I try very hard not to wonder what sort of friend I am. A different type of friend to different people probably. 

Recently I read a piece about making friends. Apparently there is a rule about it! It's called the 11-3-6 rule. It suggests that it takes 11 encounters, each lasting at least 3 hours over a six month period, for an acquaintance to become a genuine friend. I'm sure there is detailed psychological research behind this and maybe it is a good idea for youngsters learning to negotiate life's pitfalls, but at my age, no! I don't have the time to worry whether a friendship is genuine or whether it will last. If I like someone and the feeling is mutual then I'm prepared to take a chance on us becoming friends long before I've spent that long with them.

Some of my best friendships were unexpected. There are the neighbours who, many years ago, started a snowball fight over the stand of fir trees that divided our gardens. We couldn't see one another. We hadn't met.  40 years later, we have holidayed together, attended each others' children's weddings, and despite now living many miles apart, still communicate weekly and visit regularly. Why? Because we liked them from the off and had a shared sense of humour. It was an immediate friendship if there is such a thing.

Then there is the friend I made at dog training when our puppies bonded over biscuits! And the lifelong friendship that developed at an antenatal class. Then there are the friends of friends who have become our friends too.

Over the years our friendship circle has included work colleagues, school gate parents, people who shared our sporting interests, neighbours, people we met while walking our various dogs. We have lost good friends to the grim reaper too, something that happens only too often as we age, which is another reason to nourish our friendships while we still have them.   

While we have friends across a wide age range (a semi-deliberate ploy on our part as it makes life so much more interesting) our latest new friend is 93 years old. We met when I had to do some research for our local museum and asked if she was prepared to answer a few questions. It only took one visit for us to know we liked one another, and a second visit to realise we were probably going to become real friends. 

At 93 years old and very pragmatic, she didn't have time for the 11-3-6 rule. Instead she bought me an Easter Egg, gave me a flower cutting, and sent me a birthday card, while I took her bunches of daffodils, always made sure I had biscuits in my pocket for her dog, and, after 4 visits, took her out for lunch. Not an easy option as she is very disabled, but my goodness did we enjoy ourselves. We talked about so many things from religion to riding horses, politics to wildlife, cars to nutrition. We each learned things from one another because she is not only interesting, she is interested. 

She is my new heroine. The person I want to be at 93 if I'm lucky enough to live that long with all my faculties intact. And it didn't take the 11-3-6 rule for me to decide that.

Friendship features in my latest book, One Wish, although in the manner or all romances, a lot of things get in the way before true love wins out in the end:)

 

Meaning of Flowers by J. S. Marlo

 

Seasoned Hearts

"Love & Sacrifice #1"

is now available  

click here 

 

 

  

J. S. Marlo's BWL Books

I was having lunch with a friend, and I was telling her I needed to weed my flowerbeds. She asked what kind of flowers I grew. My answer: pretty flowers?

I know the names of some flowers, like roses, tulips, daffodil, poppies, petunias, lilies... but I don't really pay attention to their names. I choose my flowers according to colours, shapes, and scents. She proceeded to tell me flowers have meanings. I knew red roses meant love, but for the rest, I wasn't too sure, so I did some research... in case I decide to add those kind of details in a future story.

When deciphering the meaning of a flower, its colour is as important as the flower itself.

Red: Red flowers are the most popular to send to someone. They represent love, passion, and affection.

Pink: Pink flowers are sent to friends or love interest. They represent femininity and playfulness.

Yellow: Yellow flowers are sent to brighten a home or cheer up a friend. They represent joy, happiness, and friendship.

White: White flowers are sent to someone who's getting married or welcomed a baby. They represent purity, humility, and innocence.

Here are the flowers to send according to the occasion or the meaning you would like to convey.

Love: red roses, red tulips, red carnations, dahlias.

Friendship: yellow roses, freesias, alstroemeria, chrysanthemums.

Gratitude: pink roses, hydrangeas, sweet peas, irises.

Sympathy: white roses, lilies, orchids, poppies.

Celebration: peonies, lisianthuses, daffodils, calla lilies.

My two favorite are lavender and lilac. Both for their colours and their scents, but not their meanings.

Lavender means distrust and Lilac means joy of youth.

There are also birth flowers, like there are birthstones. I was born in September. According to the chart, my birth flower is Morning Glory. Well, that's interesting because I'm anything but glorious in the morning.

I'll go weed my flowerbeds one last time before the frost kills all my flowers. Take Care & Happy Reading!

J. S.

 

J. S. Marlo's Website

Friends by J. S. Marlo

 

Seasoned Hearts

"Love & Sacrifice #1"

is now available  

click here 

 

 

  

J. S. Marlo's BWL Books

Over the decades, I've made many friends. Some have faded in the background or are resting in peace, others are very much present in my life, and a special few are closer than family.

Many, many years ago, I'd stumbled on a lovely poem by an unknown author about friends. It talked about friends for a season and friends for a lifetime. Well, I rediscovered the poem a few months ago, and it was much more meaningful and powerful than I remembered.

Reason, Season, Lifetime Poem

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

If that poem touched your heart, you will enjoy reading "Seasoned Hearts".

Enjoy the people in your life. Hugs! 

J. S.

 

J. S. Marlo's Website

My dear friend Kathy, a celebration of life and crazyness, by Diane Scott Lewis

 

“A rich plot with building suspense, the writing is perfect and flows well. I loved this story.”   ~History and Women~

To purchase Ghost Point: Ghost Point

To purchase my novels and other BWL books: BWL

On January 3rd I lost a dear friend to cancer. She flew into the realm of the gods and goddesses, the fairy world we often spoke about. She liked to envision chants around bonfires and other mystical rituals.

We met in an on-line critique group, nine years ago. When my mother passed, Kathy was there for me, understanding the difficult relationships we both had with our respective families. We spoke almost every day over the internet after that. Her loss, her advance to a higher plain, is a big hole in my heart.

We almost met in person, while three hours apart when I attended the Historical Novel Society conference in Portland, OR, six years ago. She was to drive down from Seattle to meet. But that was when she'd found out her cancer had returned after fifteen years in remission. She cancelled to set up doctors appointments.

But I want to celebrate our dark humor, talk of witches, and fairies, the pagan souls we both shared.

Kathy was a dedicated Pagan, in her thoughts, not her actions. Our bon fires were metaphorical, as well as our flying away on brooms to cure the world of its ills. We had the 'what's the matter you-snap out of it!' attitude, and laughed at the craziness of life, the perilous political scene, and the irony of so many things. Her father had soured her on religion, so this was her 'feel good' place.

We had a third witch in our imagined coven, but for privacy reasons, I won't name her. We Three had a ball whirling through the flames of the pretend bon fires, stirring our cauldron. Imagining we had some control over the insanity of the world.

I'd send her funny jpegs to cheer her, though Kathy rarely complained about her own health. She was the strongest woman I knew.

When the doctors had to put a new port into her for her chemo, I sent her the above jpeg and she loved it. When things got iffy in the world around us, we'd say 'gird your loins' because that phrase is often found in historical novels and people scratch their heads about it.

Her last completed novel was a fictionalized tale of when, after a divorce, she took her two boys to England to research another novel. Her bravery to do that amazed me. (also available at https://bookswelove.net/pym-katherine/  )

It's difficult not to mourn such losses, but I need to celebrate what we had, short though it seems now. I'm girding my loins! I'd like to think that she's flying about the stratosphere on a magic cloud, laughing at us mere mortals. We never did get to meet in person, and only spoke once on the phone (she sounded so young). But maybe that's how we kept the mystical part of our friendship intact. I was blessed to have her as my friend. We made each other laugh right to the very end.

A funny, brave woman with wit and talent, the gods must have needed her wry and steady advice. She told me she wasn't afraid of dying, she said 'energy' never dies, but she often wished she could stay longer. 

Fair winds, my dear sister of the heart! And strength to your loving husband who also had to say goodbye.

Kathy's expertise was the seventeenth century; check out her other wonderful historical novels.

Katherine Pym Novels

Diane lives in Western Pennsylvania with her husband and one naughty dachshund.

She's trying to set up a new website on Blogger: wish her/me luck!

Friendstrip (No, it's not misspelled)

Baldwin, Barbara - Digital and Print EBooks (bookswelove.net)

 FRIENDSTRIP (No, it’s not misspelled)

 

               Friendstrip: the act of traveling (or hanging out) with another who adds

                passion and humor to your sense of adventure.

                As the COVID restrictions are easing somewhat, I have been thinking more and more about getting back to traveling; if not worldwide then at least within my immediate area. That means it’s time to awaken my dear friends and make plans for a friendstrip. Do you have people you can call with an “are you ready?” and they say “yes” without even knowing what you have planned? It might only be a coffee date and a browse through your favorite store. Ours was Pier One, but now that it’s closed, we need to find another. This is what happens when we visit a Pier One:

                “Look at this coffee mug,” I say, turning to face my friend, who has the exact same mug in her hand.

                “Isn’t this the cutest ornament?” I hold up a small reindeer with loose, dangly legs.

                “Mm-hmm,” she replies, trying to hide the two she already has in her basket – one for her and one for me.

                It’s not that we’re twins or anything. In fact, we couldn’t be more “not” alike. I’m at least fifteen years older than her. She wears beautiful flowing dresses; her red hair pulled up with flowers in it and gorgeous eye makeup and I…well, I do not.

I have found that traveling with another is not always easy; however it usually takes a trip to find out that you’re not compatible for long hours in a car; you have completely different ideas on what constitutes fine cuisine and you’re a night owl and your hotel roommate is not. Some of my trips have led to me imagining less than desirable consequences. You know the kind I’m talking about – like how long a jail term I’d get for throwing my travel companion off a bridge.

That is not the case with this particular friend and the train trip we took to Michigan. Well, the train went from Kansas City to Grand Rapids, then we proceeded north by car, stopping along the way whenever and wherever we wanted. We generally arrived at our reservations late but we were in no hurry. We ate in little, out of the way places like the “Real Food Café” and “The Wicked Sister”, toured turn of the century reenactment villages and talked non-stop. Of course, you can’t go on a friendstrip without mishaps. We parked along Lake Michigan to wad and however it happened, my friend landed on her fanny in shallow water, but definitely deep enough to get completely wet. As any good friend would do, I first took a picture, and then I laughed.

Traveling to Mackinac Island involves a ferry, lots of breeze and the chance to reenact “Titanic.” As writers, we weren’t on a research mission but everything about the island swamped our senses and triggered our muses. I later used much of the island as setting inspiration for “Prelude and Promises”, a contemporary set on a fictional island off the Washington coast.

                You can’t go to Mackinac Island without visiting the Grand Hotel, setting for the epic movie “Somewhere in Time.” I will say I am probably one of only a handful who hasn’t seen the movie because I read the book and didn’t like how it ended. However, in my opinion, the Grand doesn’t hold a candle to the Murray Hotel, right across the street from the ferry harbor, because the Murray Hotel is haunted.

               

We arrived on the afternoon ferry and checked in, depositing our suitcases, barely opening them before we went out exploring. When we returned, I found my copper ring on the floor next to my open suitcase; however I hadn’t opened my jewelry bag beforehand. The next morning after breakfast, we returned to the room to ready ourselves for sightseeing. My friend couldn’t find her sunglasses, which she swore were in her suitcase. After long minutes of searching, she found them behind the huge wardrobe that housed the TV and that sat next to her suitcase. Both strange incidents but easily explained as negligence on our parts.

                However, (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?) the day we were to leave, I was out getting some last minute post cards and she texted me that the porter was there to get our luggage for the ferry and needed our return tickets. I told her exactly where they were – in the zipped pocket of my carry bag, which sat on the extra chair across the room from the bed and which hadn’t been moved in the three days we were there. She couldn’t find them; the ferry was going to leave without us, so I hurried back to the hotel. After thoroughly searching all our luggage and purses, we started looking in everything in the room and bathroom, although I had made a point of putting the tickets where they wouldn’t get lost. Sometime later, I looked under the bed and there, lying on the carpet just past the bed skirt, were the two pink tickets needed to get us back on the ferry. They were the length of the bed and a chair from where my purse sat. Neither of us had any trouble believing our room was haunted. This is what friendstrip is all about! You can’t come home without a story!

               

We continued our trip through the Upper Peninsula, staying in a lighthouse B&B, taking a boat ride out to Painted Rocks, touring the locks and visiting a coffee shop that would also outfit you for kayaking and paddle boarding. The few rules for a great friendstrip are 1) you don’t eat or drink at anyplace you have at home, 2) you do things you don’t do at home (like stay in lighthouses and ride horse-drawn carriages,) and 3) you believe in magic.

               

I found a unique clock at a little shop in Sault Ste. Marie that explains friendstrip. You’ll note it doesn’t have the traditional numerals but rather is made with a compass. As with all my good friends, we are willing to go in any direction, at most any time or for any amount of time, and we never go straight but rather tend to zig and zag as the winds of adventure send us.

                I challenge you to take a friendstrip. It doesn’t have to be long, or exotic or expensive. But there’s nothing better when you’re out exploring than to be able to turn to a friend and say, “Oh my gosh, would you look at that!”

 

Barb Baldwin

http://www.authorsden.com/barbarajbaldwin

https://bookswelove.net/baldwin-barbara/