Romancing the Landscape: Setting as a Character in your Novel ~ By Connie Vines

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I have titled my topic “Romancing the Landscape”.  However, the landscape can also be a menacing character in a horror novel; comic relief, or as in the movie, The Never Ending Story, be the embodiment of living creatures.

So, how do I approach this project?  Why would this be of interest to me?

While every writer knows, it is useful to infuse landscape/setting as a tool to set the mood/foreshadow, and do so as a matter of course.

• The beach at sunset, a tranquil waterfall.  If you hero has fought a major battle, don’t send him to a night club.  Turn his setting into a place to recuperate.
• A setting can introduce conflict, or cause trouble.  A violent storm, gridlock, a jungle where he becomes lost. 
• The library, bookstore, writing on ancient walls, can provide a ‘mentorship’ of sorts.  The hero will discover, overcome his fears.
• A setting can show the ‘flaw’ of the hero.  A man fighting addiction is at a bar watching others, a selfish man is at a soup kitchen.  Place him in a setting to examine his own flaws.
•  A model of who he wants to be. A church, a free medical clinic, a loving home, are all settings that can provide an atmosphere that fosters qualities to which he aspires.

 Setting as a character is a deeper commitment.  Setting as a character will appear throughout the course of your novel.  Therefore (groan) it requires research, plotting attention, and action and reaction on the part of the hero and heroine.

Often I will set up a flow chart, spread sheet, or make notes on my software writing programs when developing my novel.  In this case I use a notebook to take notes/or snap pictures to Evernote that correspond to the numbers on my “Setting Worksheet”.  Why a work sheet—“that’s so old school”.  Yes, this is old school but studies have proved that there is something about the process of pen to paper that activates creativity in the brain.

So what’s on my worksheet? 

·         Title of project

·         Year

·         Month and day that the story begins

·         Season

·         Location

·         Why am I setting my story here?

·         Why are the hero and/or heroine here?

Climate/Landscape

·         Climate

·         Average rainfall/temp etc.

·         Approximately what months do the season change?

·         Topography

·         Plants and animals that live here

·         Local land forms and points of interest

·         Natural obstacles that will help/hinder your hero/heroine

·         How did your hero/heroine get here?  How will he/she leave?

Social Setting

·         Population

·         Types of dwellings

·         Types of stores or businesses

·         Ethnic make up of the community

·         Local industries/jobs

·         What holidays and special occasions are celebrated

·         What kinds of entertainment are available?

·         What current events might be important to your story?

Weaving into to the story

·         One line characterization of this setting

·         How is it the same as/different from similar settings?

·         What trait will make this setting come alive, and why?

·         How does the hero/heroine fell about being there?

·         Will the readers like/dislike this setting and why?

Examples taken from novels to illustrate my point:

Perhaps the glide of long railway travel was still with me, for more than anything else I felt motion in the landscape; in the fresh, easy-blowing morning wind, and in the earth itself, as if the shaggy grass were a sort of loose hid, and the underneath it herds of wild buffalo. ~ My Antonia, by Willa Cather. (Chapter 2).

I feel a cold northern breeze play upon my cheeks, which braces my nerves and fills me with delight. Do you understand this feeling? This breeze, which has traveled from the regions towards which I am advancing, gives me a foretaste of these icy climes. ~ Letter 1, Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley.

Every novel is different.  Not every story calls for a setting to have a 'life of its own".  However, when the landscape demands a major role in your story line, listen.  The results are often soul-stirring and magical.

And from my own works:

It was only the cologne, Rachel reminded herself when Lynx leaned closer and pointed out the skill of the fiddle player--she always loved the scent of a good cologne. Warm, and Musky. Or, maybe it was his reputation that held such appeal--he was a rodeo cowboy. Bull riders flirted with death and danger every day, and that alone could be a real turn on for some women.

Still she knew none of those things was the real reason she was reacting this way. ~ Lynx, Rodeo Romance, by Connie Vines

She pulled the red gingham curtain aside from the kitchen window and stared out into the rain for the tenth tine in less than an hour.  In the distance, she could see Brede going about his chores. . .There was something about him, which spoke of power, especially in the way he moved.  But there was also wildness in him and profound loneliness. Perhaps the loneliness dept her from being afraid. . .~ Brede, Rodeo Romance Book 2, by Connie Vines

Twelve-thousand gleeful ghouls stormed Long Beach's Promenade. the crowd became so large that it spilled out over Pine Avenue for an all-out downtown invasion.  Meredith didn't recall much about the accident, nor who or what, reanimated her. She remembered over-hearing a security officer informing a pungent-smelling zombie. . . ~ Here Today, Zombie Tomorrow Book 1 Sassy & Fun Fantasy Series by Connie Vines

Photographs give me a reference point for ensuring I "know" the depth of my setting.

What do you think?  Can you name a novel where the setting took on a life of its own?

Thank you for stopping by this month to read my blog post. I hope to see you again next month.

1800's England

Nebraska Farmland

Happy Reading,

Connie Vines

HISTORY OF THE ROSE - by Vijaya Schartz

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These gorgeous long stem roses we know today do not exist in nature. They are hybrids manipulated by man for millennia, to enhance their beauty or their fragrance.

Most species of roses came from Asia along the silk road and were cultivated in northeast Africa and the near east as far as five thousand years ago. Ancient Zoroastrian texts mention roses with hundreds of petals, and the legends say that originally the rose didn’t have thorns. The thorns only appeared when evil descended to earth.

Alexander the Great discovered the rose in Persia, and the Roman emperors soon followed in his steps and fell in love with it. The Romans brought the white rose with them all the way to England where it flourished. In Rome, they used it lavishly and even to excess. Nero was known to bury his banquet guests under mounds of rose petals, to the point of suffocation. After the fall of the Roman Empire, during the dark ages and the barbarian invasions, the rose that had symbolized the oppressor was shunned in most of Europe and mostly forgotten. The early middle ages only knew the primrose, the hawthorn, climbing rose vines, and other wild varieties of the rose family, native to Europe.

As Islam spread over the middle east, the oriental rose supplanted the lotus as the queen of all flowers. The Turks and the Persians of the time believed that roses were born from drops of sweat from their holy prophet. Soon, the passion for roses spread to Arabia. As early as the tenth century, the Arabs, who perfected the process of distilling perfumes, traded rose water and rose-perfumed oils as valuable commodities to their occupied territories in Spain, and even to China.

In the twelfth century, the Crusaders returning from Jerusalem and Constantinople brought the beautiful rose back to Europe, along with its legends, its fragrance, and its healing powers. Robert de Brie brought to France the Damask rose. With new influx from the middle east, rose water became the rich women’s favorite luxury. So much so that the most ascetic leaders of the Church felt the need to forbid such decadence, considering it sinful.

It didn’t prevent medieval women from growing their own rose gardens inside the walls of their fortresses, where they enjoyed spinning, sewing, and embroidering among the fragrant flowers. Soon they learned to distill their own rose water and later made their own perfumes, especially in Provence, where the climate allows the flowers to grow in abundance.

Queen Eleanor of Provence, who married Henry III of England, was the first to adopt a white rose as her family emblem. Her son Edward also chose a rose. The houses of York and Lancaster made their family symbols famous in the War of the Roses. Later, the Tudors combined the two roses into a double rose.

Rosa in Latin is the verb “to love,” and Rose in French is the color pink, the color of most wild roses. In late medieval times, the rose became a cherished symbol in many courtly love stories and legends. My Curse of the Lost Isle series is inspired by such authentic legends.

 

BELOVED CRUSADER

Curse of the Lost Isle Book Six (standalone)

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1096 AD ‑ To redeem a Pagan curse, Palatina the Fae braves the Christian world to embark on an expedition to free the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem from the Turks. Pierre de Belfort, Christian Knight of Lorraine, swore never to let a woman rule his life, and doesn't believe in love. Thrown together into the turmoil of the First Crusade, on a sacred journey to a land of fables, they must learn to trust each other. For in this war, the true enemy is not human... and discovery could mean burning at the stake.

Vijaya Schartz
 Blasters, Swords, Romance with a Kick
 http://www.vijayaschartz.com 

http://bookswelove.net/authors/schartz-vijaya/

Words, don't you love them? Tricia McGill.

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Words have always fascinated me. Probably a good thing as I am a writer. But it’s the peculiarities that are the best part. I have a friend who often calls me and says, “I found a good word today.” He will then expect me to look up that word and find out its meaning. This likely stems from him having young grandkids. But it gets me searching anyway. One was ‘obsequies’ I had no idea this was a word for funeral rites. Some might know this one, but I didn’t, ‘strobilus’ (cone of a conifer).

I don’t know if anybody else does this; but I often watch the lips of a newsreader or an actor and am amazed at the way we can understand what someone is saying by sounds emerging from their mouths. It’s especially amusing to me when they have a certain funny way of pronouncing some words or their mouth twists in an odd way. Probably a stupid habit, but one that gives me a moment’s enjoyment. This is the odd thing about us humans—the way we can understand a fellow human by the words they say. That’s providing they are speaking in a language we understand. I was lucky, as I had a lot of older siblings as well as my parents to teach me the fundamentals.

Another thing I often ponder over is the difference between English speaking countries in our spelling of words. So, who was the first American who decided it was okay to leave the u out of colour, endeavour, and humour, etc. or decided it was a good idea to add a z in words like realise to replace the s, or spell metre as meter? I’m not knocking it, but just wondering how it began. Who first called the boot of a car the trunk, and who decided that pants were not undergarments but trousers? And here’s a funny one, we called an eraser a rubber at school, but guess what the Americans call a rubber? Americans go on vacation but I go on holiday.

When I arrived in Australia and went to my first job here as a pattern cutter in a clothing factory someone asked me to pass the Durex. Well, that floored me as she meant the Sellotape, and we knew Durex as something totally different back in London where we came from.

My friend was telling me how she met an obvious newcomer to our country while at the Post Office. This lady was having trouble filling out a form. She wanted to put an n on the end of Australia and my friend had to explain to her that, no, only when you become an Australian citizen do you put that n there. I always have the greatest sympathy for migrants, and am glad I was taught English from the moment I could speak. Imagine how strange our language must be to newcomers. We often hear people criticise them and say, “They should learn our language before they are allowed in.” But just take a wander through the dictionary and you are aware what a treacherous path it is. Just think of a word like rain or reign or rein for a start. Then take a simple word like kind. It has more than one meaning; I just bought a new kind of chair or that man was so kind to me when I needed help. I will never ridicule someone who endeavours to find their way around the English language.

Because I was born and bred in North London I have a totally different vocabulary to someone we consider as posh; you know them, they speak like a member of the royal family. My mother was a great one for sayings. Half the time I doubt she knew what they meant and it wasn’t until I was old enough to visit the library and start my passion for books that I learned what some of them meant. One of her favourites was, “Look at you, you’re as black as Newgate’s knocker,” when I came in a bit grubby from playing. I found out that Newgate Jail was a vile place in London where no self-respecting soul wanted to go through that black door with the iron knocker on it. There are other meanings for this saying but that is the one she meant. Another of her best was, “They are as different as chalk from cheese.” That one is self-explanatory. My brothers, who were a lot older than me, used Cockney slang. Their favourites; Apples and Pears (Stairs) Butcher’s Hook (Look) Trouble and Strife (Wife) and Use your loaf (Bread, meaning Head) Even my husband, also the youngest in his family, used most of those.

Then, when we arrived in Australia, we had to learn new words, such as ‘cobber’ meaning mate or friend, crook meaning sick or poorly, etc. A lot of these ‘Strine’ words have faded from fashion and are rarely used these days, which is a shame. We also found that Aussies had a nickname for everyone, more so than us English, and had a unique way of shortening every word. I guess you’ve heard of ‘budgie smugglers’ a term used for those skimpy figure hugging swimmers, or bathers as some call them. We were heading off to Queensland and so were going ‘troppo’ because it’s classed as the tropics. If you are going way out into the bush you are going ‘back of Bourke’. Have you seen the movie 'They're a Weird Mob'? It's a story about a young Italian, Nino, who arrived here and was asked at the pub to 'Shout' his workmates a beer. He had no idea that they meant it was his turn to buy a round of drinks and wondered just why he was asked to shout when he thought that impolite.

Another good friend of mine loved creating his own limericks and would recite one at the drop of a hat, so to finish up I’d like to quote a couple of my favourite limericks for no other reason than I like them. I’ve picked out the cleaner ones, as there is no doubt some limericks can be crude. These are taken from a quaint little book called The Lure of The Limerick-an uninhibited history (W. S. Baring-Gould).

“A lisping young lady named Beth

Was saved from a fate worse than death

Seven times in a row,

Which unsettled her so,

That she quit saying ‘No’ and said ‘Yeath.” (Cosmo Monkhouse)

“There was a young lady of Twickenham

Whose shoes were too tight to walk quick in ‘em,

She came back from a walk

Looking whiter than chalk

And took ‘em both off and was sick in ‘em.” (Oliver Herford)

Note: There are a number of red lines beneath words in this post. As you can guess, the dictionary wasn't happy with how I spelt some of the words. (Apologies, I am an Aussie after all) 
 

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Remnants of the Past: Songs of the Slaves

I have always been fascinated by the Civil War: what caused it, why were the differences in philosophies so great, so important, that they literally forced brother to fight against brother. The greatest emphasis, of course, was always on the issue of slavery and the rights, or non-rights, of people of color to be free.

I began my historical novel for kids, The Freedom Thief, in 2008, and with every intention of the focus of the story being on the Underground Railroad. But between 2008 and when the novel was released in 2015, it had changed a great deal. I think that happens to a lot of writers...what starts out as one story ends up being another one entirely.

Nevertheless, when my husband and I took our historic barge trip...yes, on a real barge...down the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers, for research on Thief, my ideas about the story focusing on the Underground Railroad were still in place.

Was the Underground Railroad a real railroad? Well, of course, it wasn't. There are several theories as to why the escape routes of fleeing slaves came to be called that, but the one most historians use is this: Tice Davis was an escaping slave, fleeing from a plantation in Kentucky. Slave hunters were hot on his heels. When he came to the Ohio River, he dove in and managed to swim across. This was quite a feat, as the Ohio has never been known to be quiet enough for people to swim in. Once on the other side, Tice ran into the woods, and vanished. He was never seen again. When the slave hunters reached the other side of the Ohio, there was no indication of Tice ever having been there, or gone into the woods. No footprints in the sand coming out of the river. Not a single broken tree branch, not a single stepped upon weed. The forest was pristine. It was as though no one had ever been there. One of the slave hunters was heard to say, "It's as if he disappeared into some underground railroad."

When the slave hunters returned home and told their tale, the term "underground railroad" caught on. From that day forward, the Quakers and Abolitionists who helped escaping slaves used that name for their secret network.

An important part of the Underground Railroad was the songs the slaves sang. Supposedly hymns, each one carried an important message that helped the slaves in planning their escapes. Perhaps the most famous of these is Follow the Drinking Gourd. This refers to the Big Dipper and its gourd-like shape. When the sun comes back, and the first quail calls, follow the drinking gourd. This sentence tells the slaves to begin their journey around the Winter Solstice, and to follow the drinking gourd. The "pointer" star on this constellation points almost directly north. Winter was the best time for escape, as most slaves needed to cross the Ohio River, and in the winter time, the river froze over, so escaping across the ice was much easier than trying to swim across, or even trying to steal a boat and row across.

The second part of the song was: The river bank makes a mighty fine road. Dead trees show you the way. And it's left foot, peg foot, traveling on. "Dead trees show you the way" because moss on a dead tree only grows on the north side. The river bank referred to the Tombigbee River, which began in Tennessee and flowed all the way to the Gulf of Mexico. Dead trees were littered all along those banks, and on several of them, slaves had made left foot prints and peg foot prints to show others this was the right river. Following it to the north would lead them to the Ohio River.

Another important song that played a part in the Underground Railroad was Go Down Moses. The African American community has  always known the story of Moses, and in the days of slavery felt that his story echoed their own. This was a song that the slaves could sing in front of their masters, and only they would know the truth of it. In the lyrics: Go down Moses, go down Moses, Way down in Egypt's Land, and tell old Pharaoh to let my people go. Let my people go, let my people go to the Promised land, there were code words for the slaves.

Moses was the Underground Railroad conductor who would help them get to freedom, and often this was either Harriet Tubman or John Brown. Egypt's Land referred to slavery and bondage, and the Pharaoh was the slave owner. The Promised Land was, of course, wherever freedom lay.

Steal away, steal away, steal away to Jesus. Steal away, steal away steal away home, 'cause I ain't got long to stay here, was another Sunday hymn that meant considerably more than what the slave owners thought. It meant that the person or persons singing it were planning an escape, and soon. It meant that plans had already been made. Sometimes it meant that others in the group could join in the escape, and sometimes it meant the time was not yet right and those not already in the plan should wait until it was safer. How the slaves knew exactly which of these was right, no one except the slaves themselves ever seemed to know.

This has been a long post, and I hope not too boring. Next month I'll tell you about some of the safe houses we visited on that barge trip, and some of the ways in which slaves were transported from one safe place to another. I spent a little time in some of those 'modes' of travel, and all I can say is, I'm sure glad I didn't have to be in any one for very long!

 

 You can find more about my books at my website: http://mikki-wordpainter.blogspot.com

 and at http://bwl.com/author/sadil-mikki



 

The English Domestic Servant, by Diane Scott Lewis

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In the eighteenth century, a time when domestic service was seen as easier than toiling in a shop or factory, a poor farmer’s sons and daughters would go happily into this type of work. Even a parson’s family did not look down on the occupation.

However, the English domestics thought of themselves as a cut above.
The English servant was quite independent and rarely satisfied with low wages. Instead of being content in the early part of the century with £2 a year, they were demanding as much as £6 and £8. Writer Daniel Defoe wanted to see wages fixed at no more than £5, or soon this rabble would insist on as much as £20.

Lord Fermanagh, when writing to a friend about his butler, who had the audacity to ask for £10, said: “I would have a sightly fellow and one that has had the smallpox, and an honest man, for he is entrusted with store of plate, and can shave, but I will give no such wages as this.”

The English servant stood up for himself, giving notice or running away if ill-treated. One servant, after being struck by his master, turned on the man and killed him with a pitchfork.

Foreigners were amazed—since they treated their servants like slaves—to see a nobleman like Lord Ferrers hanged in 1760 for the murder of his steward.

In the earlier part of the century there was a scarcity of women servants, but later, after years of bad harvests, starvation sent many girls into service. One lady, upon advertising for another housemaid, had over 200 applicants.
If wages were low, servants in a large house could supplement their pay with vails (tips). One foreigner complained after dining with a friend at his home: “You’ll find all the servants drawn up in the passage like a file of musqueteers from the house steward, down to the lowest liveried servant, and each of them holds out his hand to you in as deliberate a manner as the servants in our inns on the like occasion.”

One clergyman reported that when he dined with his Bishop, he spent more in vails than would have fed his family for a week.
At lease the Duke of Ormonde, when inviting a poor relation to dine, always sent him a guinea ahead of time for the vails.
A movement, rumored to have started in Scotland, was put forth to abolish vails (tips) but nothing came of it.

If servants believed themselves independent, striving for respect, their employers often demanded too much from them for little pay. Mrs. Purefoy advertised for a coachman, who can not only drive four horses, but must understand husbandry business and cattle, plus he’d also be expected to plough. She also required a footman who could “work in the garden, lay the cloth, wait at table, go to the cart with Thomas, and do any other business that he is ordered to do and not too large sized a man, that he may not be too great a load for the horse when he rides.”

Servants were derided by their “betters” as being lazy and selfish, especially when they’d leave their positions for higher wages and vails.

Of course, many servants during the eighteenth century—especially in the larger towns and cities—were mistreated and far underpaid, if paid at all.

Still, some servants were honored and treated as members of the family, as shown by this epitaph on a coachman’s headstone: Coachman the foe to drink and heart sincere; Of manners gentle and of judgment clear; Safe through the chequered track of life he drove; And gained the treasure of his master’s love...

To learn more about Diane's eighteenth-century novels, please visit her website:
http://www.dianescottlewis.org

Source: English Country Life in the Eighteenth Century, by Rosamond Bayne-Powell, 1937

Almack's Assembly Rooms by Victoria Chatham

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Fans of Regency romances will all be familiar with that most famous London location, Almack’s Assembly Rooms where ladies could see and be seen, and where mothers launched their marriageable daughters into society.

Originally built in the Palladian style, the Rooms were opened by William Macall in King Street, London in February 1765. It is reputed that being Scottish, Macall thought the English might consider his name too foreign sounding, so reversed it to become Almack’s.

It was one of the first establishments where both sexes could meet openly and became the place to be for upper class society during the season, that period in London from April to August each year. The most exclusive events were held at the town mansions of the leading members of the aristocracy, especially of those engaged in politics. The season closed at the end of July, when families returned to their country seats not only to escape the city smells and possible health issues, but also in readiness for the grouse shooting which began on August 12^th.

Money alone could not get you a voucher to Almack’s, but good breeding and manners did. Vouchers were ten guineas and were non-transferable. To not have an Almack’s voucher meant either that you had not applied for one, or you had applied and been found wanting in one way or another, a social disaster to those dedicated to the ton  - pronounced tone  from the French word for taste, or more accurately le bon ton.

Seven of the most influential ladies of upper society presided over Almack’s and included Lady Sarah (Sally) Jersey, Lady Emily Cowper, Countess Esterhazy, the Honorary Mrs. Drummond Burrell, Viscountess Castlereagh and Countess Maria Sefton. They were known as the Lady Patronesses and met every Monday evening to review new applications and the actions of the current membership. Membership could be cancelled, as in the case of Lady Caroline Lamb after her scandalous affair with the poet Lord Byron. Inappropriate dress could also have you turned away from Almack’s doors, as the Duke of Wellington found to his cost when he arrived wearing trousers and not the formal knee breeches required.

There were rooms for gambling and card games and a very plain supper was served in the upper rooms by the Macall’s at 11.00 pm. So they could not be accused of trying to compete with expensive private balls, the supper consisted of thinly sliced, probably day old bread and fresh butter followed by dry cake which would be similar to today’s pound cake. Presumably to avoid drunkenness only tea and lemonade were served.

Almack’s popularity began to decline after 1824, when manners became less strict. The last ball was held in 1863 and it closed its doors in 1871 when it was sold. The new owner renamed it Willis’s Rooms after himself. The building was damaged during bombing in 1940 and completely destroyed in 1944. Today an office building known as Almack House occupies the site and bears a brass plaque commemorating the original Rooms.   

Sources:  Wikipedia, Regency Manor, Candice Hearn Romance Author and Jane Austen’s World.  

More from Victoria Chatham at:

http://bookswelove.net/authors/chatham-victoria/

www.victoriachatham.webs.com
www.amazon.com/author/victoriachatham
www.facebook.com/AuthorVictoriaChatham

Born in Clifton, Bristol, England, an area rife with the elegance of Regency architecture, Victoria has always enjoyed everything to do with the Regency era. Her favorite Georgette Heyer title is Frederica, but she also enjoys titles by Jo Beverley, Julia Quinn and Mary Balogh.

Being an army brat meant being constantly on the move so books became her best friends. Now resident in Canada, she frequently returns to the UK to visit family and friends.

What A Whole Load Of Nonsense

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What A Whole Load Of Nonsense

In all of the writing groups I have involved with, there were always certain questions posed. The most common being, "Excuse me where are the washrooms?" Or if you are from south of the border, the restrooms. Then there's the good old Brit who'd ask for the bog or the loo.

Yeah, the bog I get, but the loo? The English have different names for everything, but considering they've been around six or seven years longer than the entire North American Continent has been discovered and they've got the Queen on their side, which overrules everyone.

But I digress, otherwise my title does begin to make total sense. A very common question is, "how do I pull my readers in, lock them up and throw away the key." Well the last bit I just made up. So if I said the following;

From atop the plateau overlooking Machu Picchu the couple gazed. The old stone buildings glinting in the sunlight. Air so rarified it was hard to breathe. Overhead eagles cried out. Julia-Rae licked the salty sweat from her lips, as his calloused hand brushed along her arm, sending a shiver through her. She inhaled, smelling that pungent, masculine aroma oozing out of his pores.

Did that pull you in? If not, stop reading and beat it, I'm wasting your time and mine. But, if yes, then what did I do to engage the reader? ..... waiting!

Some are probably now thinking, is this guy crazy? Yup. Does he drive his wife and his publisher crazy? Yup, and double yup. Does he make much or any sense at all?

Bang. You've got it. Senses. I used all of them in that paragraph; sight, taste, touch, smell and hearing to engage the reader. If you can make the reader experience all of those in a scene, you've got them involved. And if this doesn't work for you, try gardening; then it's just you, dirt and weeds. Doesn't get more basic than that.

Or you could use my next favorite tactic to engage the reader, grab your book and whack them on the forehead with its spine. They'll either be engaged or unconscious and when they come to, you will definitely have their (and most likely their lawyers as well), attention.

Oh, before I finish and just in case you're wondering, Loo? Where the hell did that come from? Some say it came from the shortened term - Waterloo- the English bathroom company that manufactured toilets and urinals. Or, I really like this one, and no, I didn't make this up. In the late eighteen hundreds the Earl of Lichfield loved to entertain people, only he had a most miserable wife, "Lady Louisa." After meeting her, many guests replied with, "nice chap but she's anything but a lady." Back then, the posh people would put the visitor's name on their bedroom doors. Two rather inebriated gentlemen decided to switch her name plate with the bathrooms. Later guests laughingly told everyone of "going to visit Lady Louisa" or today "going to the loo."