Merry Christmas Is Over Why Are We Still Talking About It by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So by now Christmas has passed, and the winter doldrums are all ready to set in as you wait for that first dandelion to pop its head up through the soil. Winter blues, ready to come a-knocking post holiday, are all dressed up waiting for an invitation and doesn't give a darn about provincial lockdowns or one house-hold bubbles. 

It's a comin'! But as a writer who always has too much on their mind, my depression left the station well before Christmas. While waiting for Santa, it was set carefully on the back porch waiting for me to take down my Christmas lights, or throw out my dusty old Christmas tree that was up well past January. It was there... waiting to pounce...

Depression cat: Imma gonna make you sad then knock
over all yo' glass dinnerware... 

 But that cat can eat $h!+ because I'm not ready for it yet!

Take that all seasonal depression!

I'm gonna live in the past and review my recipe for a Merry Christmas! I haven't forgot about the holly and the jolly! It's not over, because my blog shall be about all the joy and fun I did last month! IF it looks familliar it's because I originally posted this a few weeks ago on Long and Short Reviews, but due to my this sure-fire Christmas plan--that can't be beat!-- I decided to post it here as well. Mostly because I did a George and didn't write a post in time, and also because I've been busy with a bunch of other projects that I'll tell you about NEXT month. 

Probably...

Unless I do another George...

Merry Christmas, George!

So, here it is! A tried and tested way to have a Merry Christmas! At least if you're me, or someone in the general area AROUND me. 

You’ll need lots of chocolate peppermint and gingerbread. Why? Because it's amazing frankly, and what's a Christmas without it? If you don’t have any on hand, you can always substitute for eggnog, but it’s gotta be homemade. Sorry... but store bought stuff is *blech!*

blech.

Christmastime in my family--

My family....................... *Okay not really*

--is always a series of events that culminate in a merry holiday adventure. I’m lucky, my husband and I have been together since high school, so I grew up, and like, including my in-laws. Now that we have a little one to come on the December adventure with us, we can all delight as she prances in the few traditional ingredients that make up our secret family recipe.

peas... not really an ingredient

First in the bowl are gingerbread houses. We buy ‘em premade, struggle to glue them together with the cheap icing sugar included with the box, and laugh at our failed attempt at creating something whimsical. Combine that with our annual cookie baking that leaves us stuffed with sugar and you’re on your way to a Merry Christmas!… or at least diabetes.

Who needs both their feet anyway?

Add a pinch of snow, probably too little before the actual holiday though. We live in Eastern Canada so sometimes the wind bites us before our snowmen get the chance to.  After that, a dash to the store on Christmas Eve because you forgot that one thing on your Christmas list you just HAVE to have! Santa typically does the rest, but we open a gift the night before just so it’s that much harder to get to sleep from the excitement.

Especially true if you're 5

Bake for twenty-five days at negative ten degrees or so–we have always had advent calendars to help us keep the timing just right, though my daughter is like me and can’t wait to eat the chocolate—and you have a happy holiday! I suggest serving it with all your loved ones, of course. That’s what we do. Honestly, the ingredients are simple and easily replaced with other things, it’s the joy of the company that gives it taste. But I still maintain you’ll need lots of chocolate and peppermint.

And eggnog… but only if it’s homemade... and only if you like your inlaws.

But not mine!............Usually.

Merry January 9th everybody! 

On Writing a Sequel by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

You ever look at your Disney movie library and say to yourself, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2? Oh hot dog! I think I'll watch that. It's totally better than the first movie!" If so then you should probably get your head checked because even if you've HEARD of that terrible sequel--let alone own it--you ought to know that it was Complete, Utter Garbage with a capital C, U, G!

Complete. Utter. Garbage! The sequel was C.U.G!

But despite the plethora of terrible sequels floating around the known universe, I am not actually here to talk about them. In fact, I am happy to say that I am WRITING a sequel, and I am really, REALLY hoping it's not going to be bad... Because as infamous as some bad sequels are, I'm no where near famous enough to profit off a terrible remake or continuation. 

We'll get George outta the way early this time... 

 So what makes a good sequel? Well, looking at all the terrible content out there, I'd say it's important to stay true to the characters and themes at least. The original Indiana Jones' movies were pretty cool. They were also mostly stand alone adventures. Rocky I to V was good: a continuation but each with an individual plot point. As well as Terminator 2... which was just awesome. 

Wait, Terminator 2? Rocky? Indiana Jones?
Oh God her age is showing...

But these are all movies! Okay, well... Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and The Witcher books come to mind... though they're all continuations of one big story outline and the sequel I'm writing already kinda... well, concluded...

And it's a romance! 

So what do I do? I suppose I could just NOT write a sequel. It's not like I'm Michael Bay producing sequels for that socks made of silk money...  

*Bad word warning in link*

But there's lots more to say about these characters! And while writing romances isn't bad, writing a sequel to a romance where the love story had already wrapped itself up in the first installment, can produce its own series of obstacles. I hate when its obvious that the author broke up their original couple only to find ways to get them back together in book two. It always seems contrived, or pieced together to keep with the theme. Misunderstandings or arguments are alright, of course--and realistic!--but there must be a better way to tell a story with a romantic subplot other than breaking them up and seeing how they get together THIS TIME. 

#I'vebeenmarriedfor18yearsromancenovels

So I've concluded to just develop the characters more. For example, Scarlet Fortune is a 1920's cop vampire, and Shad is a 400 something year old dragon bootlegger... so there are bound to be some funny anecdotes and hijinks even AFTER they've tied the knot. I also believe in a good antagonist. Going back to The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2--because I had to watch it the other day with my two year old and am still crusty about it-- how do you compare a circus ringmaster narcissist with Monseigneur Claude Frollo: a judge--because Disney couldnt really make him an Archdeacon, the movie was already risky enough--who sings about his lust for Esmeralda: a member of an oppressed minority group?

You can't. 

So I'll make a good villain that will extend on the themes of the first book. Because themes are important and so too are villains.

Eh... not really. But the theme of the meme fit the context.

I'm also trying to tie in some things from the first book. Reuse some old characters that may have been floating around the plot of book one. Facts and places barely used before, could be backdrops for more important things later on. The sequel is pretty much stand alone, I don't think you NEED to read book one to enjoy book two, but I mean, it's more fun if you do. 

Of course, I'm only speaking from a matter of my own opinion, and I am writing this sequel with my co-author who contributes HEAVILY to ensuring there are no continuity errors... but...

SEQUELS ARE HARD! 

And I promise all--or any *cries*--fans out there... That I will honor the original work to the best of my ability and not create C.U.G.

I said I promise I won't write C.U.G!

 

How NOT To Be A Gremlin During Your In-Person Book Reading! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So if you're here because you've read the title than you already know. This Saturday I have a book reading!

 

Yay!

Which is great! The Lorenzo Society of the University of New Brunswick has invited me and three other local authors to read at the local library. There will be a panel discussion and book signings and presumably readings... It's definitely yay worthy. But the question that usually pops up when this sort of event occurs is how do I look and act like a normal person when in fact I am... well...

A writer...

Reading your own stuff aloud is the worst!

Now, anyone that knows me is aware that I am not particularly introverted, but I assure you that based on the opinions of many of my writer friends and acquaintances, I am an anomaly. That's not to say that I don't get nervous about standing up in front of people and reading aloud something I poured a piece of my heart and soul into... but I'm also not going to faint or drink a box of wine to get me through it. 

I can get by with only one glass of wine...

In fact, my original method was to make the audience MORE uncomfortable than I was prone to be! Listen to my reasoning... If I read something that is weird or makes them squirm... most probably they will not only remember it, but secretly want more! Also... fewer people will come up to you after your done because well... they know what kind of crap you're writing. My logic is sound... shhh!

Unless they are as weird as you... which means potential friends! :D

The first reading I ever did was in South Korea. I read a raunchy scene I had wrote in my first book--something about splitting a melon... I'll let you guys mentally elucidate that one. 

The second time I did a reading I read aloud a murder scene...

...and then she screamed as the killer KILLED HER! KILLED HER TO DEATH!

I got tons of accolades! And made tons of friends... *more than two, I think* Of course those two particular readings were at bars late into cocktail hour but... ya know it worked out alright. 

This time it won't be so crazy--which is probably for the best because this is an actual reading that doesn't take place in a bar or some poetry rich cafe. 

See? It's real! That's my face in the banner.

I'll also be reading from a book that isn't as risqué as my other novels--which is probably the result of writing with Tara and not just relying on my own sinister mind babies. But regardless, it will be fun! 

If your ever in the position or thinking about doing a reading however, I do have some other tips outside of making your audience regret ever coming. I can understand that if your mom is watching, it may be difficult to read something as raunchy as "melon splitting." Of course I don't know that from experience...

Ahem...

But I am digressing...

Advice the first! It's easier if you are reading with other authors. Somehow your combined authorness *awkwardness... cough cough* provides some kind of protective shell that can tend to alleviate a large portion of your anxiety! 

Advice number two! Be prepared beforehand. Carefully choose and read aloud in the mirror to yourself a few times. 

Advice three. Make sure you know where the bathroom is when you arrive at the reading aloud venue! If you're anything like me, you may get the nervous poops or have to pee right before its your turn. 

Last advice tip! Don't worry too much about it. If you've been invited to read, chances are people want to hear you and are excited about your book. Own your words! 

 

Oh crap, sorry George! I completely forgot to mention you!
"That's ok. No worries, brah! Leave me outta it."
Guess it would be hard for you to do a reading, eh? Especially for a book that isn't out yet...
"Why you gotta do me like that, huh?"
Sorry, George... 

Writer's Block? Find a Friend to Write With! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

Big news readers! 

Did you hear about the author that went to jail last month? If not, I'd suggest tuning into Live at Five because apparently they put him in the writer's block when he couldn't get past his first sentence... 

 

Wait, you heard that one before? Oh... you're just sick and tired of my tremendous sense of humor! Well, that's okay because this month we are going to talk about how I managed to get past my writer's block, pump out a story, all WHILE birthing and raising a child during the covid pandemic!

What did this $%@! just say?!

It's true! And no, I didn't neglect my child, lock her beneath the stairs OR hire a nanny to take care of her with all my big author-made bucks... (heh... heh... *cough*) What I did do however, was ask my friend for a little bit of help. 

Okay a lot of help...

Okay we co-authored a story.

And it's true! Scroll up! I'm only one name on that sexy, art deco cover page! The second one is just as important because without it, Ballroom Riot would never have made it to shelves, or on Amazon, or... well, anywhere books tend to be in your house...

Next to the toilet... for reading and when tissue is scarce!

But as a result, I've had LOADS of people ask what it was like working with another author. What was it like to actually hear a voice in your head that was REAL and able to tell you when your writing was crap! What was it like to have someone as invested in something as you were that you could bounce ideas off of? Obviously, it was pretty good for a ton of reasons. 

1. All those people swimming around in your head are now in the head of another person who KNOWS them. 

2. That other person is JUST as excited as you are to talk about them and what your writing and that time Scarlet had to fight off the Goblin Brother's at the dragon bar to protect her then boyfriend from...

3. When you get writer's block they totally motivate you.

Sometimes she was the one holding the *squirtgun filled with pee*
and sometimes it was me.

Now that last one is a biggie. Because if you've ever written anything in your life, chances are you've encountered this block. It sucks! It more than sucks! And getting past it can make a nice, happy hobby/writing career into an ugly mess of paper, and dead words that you have no faith in. There are writer's who have given up! Cold turkey! They've been unable to shoulder the burden of their block and continue on and I don't blame them. Writing can be a very thankless hobby. But! Writing with another person can be fun, because at least then your not alone? 

That's not true. Please sit with us! You can read a few pages!
You can... wait, where are you going?

I know there have been times where my co-author and I have been brainstorming and instead of doing any writing at all we just laugh at all the meaningless and hilarious stuff we'd like to insert into the plot. A few characters are hers to write, and a few belong to me, and it's a lark discussing how best to put them into awkward situations. 

It's also inspiring. Because not only are you bouncing ideas off a real human person, they know all the minute details of the book and how said ideas may, or may not fit into the story! 

Pros: 

There's someone interested in what you're writing

They encourage you because you have to set a time and date to meet/write via zoom 

They're an extra set of eyes when editing

Cons?

Well... there are some

It can sometimes be hard when you don't see eye to eye on things. I've known my co-author from the time when I could stay up past ten o'clock in the evening, so we are pretty familiar with each other. We've also written together before--just for fun-- That's not to say that we didn't sometimes have to throw down over some small plot point we disagreed about...

Always pick rock... nothing beats that!

... but we were able to be open enough with each other to figure out solutions when problems or disagreements arose. Also, because we had written with each other before, our styles weren't vastly different. 

Tara: This makes it out to be that one of us sucks...
Me: Leave me alone, I have low self-confidence!

Of course there is always the issue of splitting the royalties and the such, but I mean, if you have writer's block and can't write anything, chances are you aren't going to be making much money anyway. And come on, try it out! All the famous authors are doing it. Even George R. R. Martin let the guys at HBO give it a go on his Song of Ice and Fire series. Like Batman, "it may not be the ending we all deserve, but it was the ended we needed..."

Wait, scratch that! Where's Winds of Winter?

So if you're struggling with writer's block and have a friend--who likes you enough to write with you... and can also write semi-decently... or is even INTERESTED in writing or things you like to write about--give it a go. The worse that can happen is a disjointed story full of plot holes and meaningless drivel. The best that can happen is... well, Dragonlance was written by two authors... And I'm sure Terry and Neil had a blast with Good Omens! 

Between here and the end of the universe there's [...]Loads of buggerall, dear boy."
"But it gets there anyway," Crowley persevered.
"How?"
"It doesn't matter!"

 

**Quote from Good Omens

Nobody likes a Shady Beach by Vanessa Hawkins

 

  Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So every month I say I'm going to get a head start on this blog so's alls I gotta do is sit back and eat Cheetos on the 8th, and every month here I am, arse in chair, struggling to figure out what I could possibly write to inspire/entertain my small train of followers who are now used to being disappointed in me...

Deep inhale... she'll get it right eventually...

But this time allow me to let you know why I am late. This time I actually have an excuse, believe it or not... I was on vacation! My family and I went to PEI which, if you are unfamiliar with Atlantic Canada, means Prince Edward Island. It's a small province east of New Brunswick, home to red 

sandy beaches, lots of potatoes as well as hay bales the size of three cows tipped together.

Hay there!

We stayed in a cottage somewhere within the middle of nowhere, saw beach goats and had a grand ol' time with family. At one point I think there was a bonfire, and we did go see Ripley's Believe it or Not, but honestly I thought the attraction was pretty... uh, well... BELIEVEABLE to say the least.  

Sorry Ripley...

The real horror story was when I found three spiders, an earwig and one beetle from dimension enormous in the bathroom over the course of a few days. Also, when I was packing, I had one spider--not included in aforementioned army of nasty cottage bugs--run over my leg in its desperate attempt to flee the premises. I actually went to bed thinking of it that night... I have spider PTSD... 

It's a joke!

But despite the mental AND emotional anguish of fending off so many minibeasts, Prince Edward Island was a fun time. I brought my spawn, who got to see her cousins for the first time, and despite being a Covid baby she was NOT super awkward around other human beings that she hadn't had the fortune of meeting before. Success! And what a heartwarming sight! My cardiovascular unit at least tripled in weight and height before it leapt up out of my throat at the sight of the beetle from big town...

So all in all, a good trip and WITHOUT having to take any... uh... medical grade enhancers... *ahem keep it kid friendly, Vanessa...* 

Wait... if you knew you were going on vacation why didn't you just plan in advance and write the blog a bit EARLIER in preparation for the intended time away? If you were any sort of decent human being with even a MODICUM of forethought, you would have prepared SOMETHING for those people who continue to drag themselves through your hastily scrawled drivel every month! How do you expect to ever make it as a writer if you can't even commit to THAT? How do you expect people to keep putting up with you? How do you--

And so did those Cavendish potatoes... Till next time!

Writing What You No? by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

Is it the ninth again? A month goes by fast when you're doing jack! Well... maybe not Jack but certainly his young brother Zilch. As I scratch my head wondering what to write about, I suddenly remember that I have published another book! 

Well, maybe not JUST published, but it came out a few months ago. Unlike Ballroom Riot--which has damsels and dragons and romance and as many F Bombs as a small army barracks--my other book, A Child to Cry Over, is about a young, eight year old girl who is convicted of the murder of a two year old boy. 

Yeah... it's a bit heavy!  

Ballroom Riot= Light as a lady's fart
A Child to Cry Over= Heavy as the solid stuff!

I wrote it a little while ago actually. Before I had my daughter and when I was a callous young woman with no heart or soul and who had tons of time to sleep or brush their hair and could go to the bathroom by herself without a tiny human having to attend every single time. 

Every. Single. Time.

But regardless of whether I could write such a book now that I am a mother, I did write this one, and I set it right dab in the middle of my hometown in rural New Brunswick, Canada. Which had... more than it's fair share of unsexy results. 

See, my little pee-brained, not-yet-famous-but-maybe-one-day author voice told me it was a good idea to write what you know. Write a book about a little girl who grows up in rural NB and jot down all her observations about the place in which she lives. The local people will love it! Until some aspects don't paint the town in a great light... then watch out.

Let me tell you, I got my fair share of critics! As well as some great accolades, mind you, but some people were under the impression I was bashing my home town! Nooooooo! Not at all...

Okay maybe some, but not really. If I didn't love Not Here, New Brunswick, I certainly wouldn't be living there, right? Right. 

Honestly though, it's a nice place.

But despite my sentiments, I did get some flack. I also got a lot of local interviews and newspaper articles so... I mean, no regrets! Writing what you know works! But it also meant that people knew who I was. I got private FB messages, texts, calls! so people could tell me what they thought. Which IS pretty cool but also hella awkward depending on the situation. And it's not to say I never got those kinds of things from family and friends before... but its just... now I got it from people I didn't know... 

 

You read my book and live close to me and want
to talk about it?! Oh. God. No.

Which was an experience to say the least... And Mostly good. 

Mostly...

But it has certainly opened my eyes in regards to writing in a real setting. You're not going to please everyone, so please yourself I guess. Which is funny considering my next book is an erotica.

My puns are funny to me at least...

Wait, what was the point of this blog post? Oh yeah. Writers beware! Oo~ooh! Writing about your hometown and not having the good sense to change any or most of the names in that hometown may be baa~ad! Oo~ooh! And if you do it anyway? Be prepared for lots of messages and  .....*&(#%@( . Oo~oh! 

Or not. I mean, maybe no one wants to read your drivel anyway. 

I want to read your stuff George! Don't cry... 
You just need to write it before the sun explodes.