Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Christmas Chuckles by A.M.Westerling



If you’re reading this post on the 25th it means you’ve found a few minutes to yourself to put your feet up and take a small break from the busyness of the day. I’ll be taking it easy and recovering today as we have our Christmas meal and gift opening on Christmas Eve. I’m hosting the family this year so we’ll have twelve around the table. On the menu? Turkey with stuffing, pork loin roast, red cabbage, carrots with chives, festive mushrooms, potatoes and gravy, followed by rice pudding and cherry sauce. The rice pudding is a Danish tradition – if you find the whole almond in your pudding, you win the prized marzipan pig! One year both my daughters in law won. That's my brother, disappointed he was oh so close...




I thought I might share a few of my favourite Christmas chuckles and if you follow my FB fan page, you know I’m a sucker for a good pun. On that note, I’ll sign off. I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and all the best in 2020!



Just a comment on the first one – you might have to be a certain age to appreciate it. As a young girl, I remember my father sitting with the string of lights in his lap, unscrewing each bulb and checking them out on his volt meter.






And I absolutely love this one (not sure what it says about my sense of humour...!):





Monday, December 23, 2019

Porter Collier's Christmas Angel by Victoria Chatham






Here is a story for Christmas, rather than my usual blog. Curl up in a cozy place with a cup of coffee or glass of wine, and enjoy!



“Of course you’re coming home for dinner, Porter. It’s Christmas Day today.”
Porter Collier moved the phone away from his ear and sighed.
“I heard that,” his mother said.
Porter removed his horn-rimmed spectacles and pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the inevitable headache resulting from a conversation with his mother.
“Mom, Christmas is just another day. An expensive one for many people, which is why I prefer to stay here and work to make sure that my business, my staff and I, and subsequently you and Aunt Min, can look forward to a prosperous New Year.”
“Don’t be so snippy,” his mother sniffed, “and it’s unfair to bring your aunt into this.”
Porter replaced his spectacles, knowing that he could not escape the mandatory dinner. “I have to go. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
He replaced the receiver in its cradle and stared gloomily out of his third-floor office window. Christmas was his least favourite time of year. He wished he could avoid it all. His mother, with every reason to not like the season, insisted on celebrating it.
Suddenly restless, he got to his feet, grabbed his jacket and headed for the main office. He knew he wasn’t the only one of his staff with issues on the whole Holly, Jolly, Jingle-jingle holiday. Even today, there might be someone with whom he could chat over a coffee.
He paused at the entrance to the hub of his company, the workspace usually inhabited by more than thirty computer wizards employed by IT Inc. Today the desks and cubicles were empty with not a soul in sight. About to leave, a sudden movement caught his eye. He peered through the glass pane, and his forehead creased into a frown as a blonde head emerged from beneath a desk, followed by a petite, decidedly feminine form.
Who was that?
Porter pushed the door open a little and heard her muttering. He pushed the door all the way open and walked in.
“Can I help?” he asked.
The girl looked up, regarding him with a pair of cornflower blue eyes. Porter’s breath caught in his throat. He prided himself on knowing all his staff but had never seen this girl before.
“No, thank you,” she said. “I just dropped my phone.”
“Is it okay?”
“I think so. At least the screen isn’t cracked.”
“Well, if you have any problems with it, let the office manager know after the holiday. There’s usually a couple of spare phones around if you need one.”
“Great, thanks for the tip.” She grinned at him. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home with your family?”
“Shouldn’t you?” he said, his voice rasping a little.
She laughed at that, a laugh that made him want to laugh, too. “Touché. Have you worked here for long?”
Porter cleared his throat. Was she unaware of his identity? If so, maybe that was a good thing.  “A few years now.”
“You must like it then.”
“Yes, I suppose I do,” he said, nodding his head. “How about you?”
“I’ve only been here a couple of months and love the flexibility of it. It’s awesome being able to come and work at midnight if I can’t sleep or on a weekend if I have a sudden breakthrough in fixing a problem.”
“Are you fixing problems today?” He would find things to do if that were the case and stay with her.
There was that grin again, the grin that transformed her and made him think of a cheeky, adorable pixie. “No, I’m only killing time until I go and take my girls out.”
“Forgive me for saying so, but you seem very young to have children.”
The grin turned into a laugh. “There’s nothing to forgive, and it’s not kids, it’s dogs. Mollie and Sheba. Would you like to come with us?”
Porter was inexplicably drawn to this girl and didn’t want to part company with her. He’d never had a pet of any kind but would walk a dinosaur to stay with her. “Do you think they’d mind?”
“I can’t imagine they would, but I’ll warn you they’re a bit different.” She busied herself with stashing things in her purse, then took her coat from the back of her chair and shrugged it on.
“Different how?” Porter asked as he caught her collar and helped settle the coat into place on her shoulders. He couldn’t help noticing the garment was somewhat threadbare.
“They’re both old,” she said, “and some would say they’re not attractive dogs. It’s unlikely they’ll be adopted even though the shelter does its best. I like to visit them and take them for walks.”
“On Christmas Day,” Porter mused.
“On any day. Come on, there’s only one car in the lot, and it’s mine.”
Her small stature belied the speed of her walk, and Porter hurried to keep up with her. The car was a beat-up old Chevrolet Malibu. As she unlocked it, a thought struck him.
“Before I drive off with a stranger, shouldn’t I at least know your name?”
Again that laugh that made him want to laugh with her. “You’ll be quite safe with me, I promise. I’m Juliet Pym. And you?”
Porter thought fast. If he told her his real name, she might be embarrassed and drive off alone. He couldn’t let that happen. “It’s Brad, Brad Carpenter.”
He offered his hand across the hood of her car, and she took it. Her fingers, soft and warm, curled around his. She might as well have thrown chains around his heart.
“Then hop in, Mr. Carpenter, and I’ll take you away on my magic carpet.”
She put the key in the ignition, and the engine fired on the first turn. The bodywork might be a bit iffy, but there was nothing wrong with the motor. She headed out of the southern California town of Chula Vista, taking streets Porter didn’t recognize in a part of town he didn’t know existed. He opened the window, smelled salt in the air and knew they were heading towards the beach. The buildings they passed were older, run-down strip malls and single storey homes. Then she turned in to a dusty parking lot in front of a long, low building with a sign above the door advertising the Costa Animal Shelter.
Beyond the crumbling adobe brick wall, a cacophony of barking assaulted Porter’s ears.
“How many dogs do they have here?”
“At the moment about sixty, give or take. Monica updates the website every day, so chances are one or two might have been adopted out or fostered. Come on.”
She breezed through the double doors into a tiled lobby with a long reception desk at the back of it. Behind the counter, an open door revealed a yard shaded by olive trees.
Juliet rang the bell on the counter. “Yo, Monica,” she called. “I’ve come for my girls, and I’ve brought a friend.”
Instantly a sturdy figure darkened the doorway. As the woman came into the office, Porter took in her muscular brown arms and tanned face. A red bandana corralled her mop of long, curly toffee-coloured hair. As she set eyes on Porter, she smiled, revealing a set of healthy white teeth.
“This is Brad,” Juliet said. “He’s going to walk with us today.”
“No problem. Don’t forget to sign out. You know where the leashes are. Nice to meet you, Brad. You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve got half a dozen puppies on the go out here.”
She waved and ducked back out the door.
“Hello, to you too, Monica,” Porter said to her retreating back.
Juliet laughed. “There’s usually at least four on staff. As it’s Christmas, Monica lets the others go home after the morning feeding and cleaning routine.”
“I take it she’s the owner?”
Juliet took two leashes from a rack on the wall and walked along a corridor with kennels on each side. “Yes, and lives onsite here. She bought the property when she left the military. She’s one tough cookie, let me tell you. Here we are.”
Porter heard the dog before he saw it. A snuffling and snorting came from behind the security screen covering the lower half of the chain-link gate, then whining and scratching.
“It’s okay, Mollie,” Juliet said. “I can’t wait to see you either. Just give me a minute here.”
She set the screen against the wall and opened the gate. A brindle and white body came barreling out right into Juliet’s open arms. Porter stepped back. He hadn’t known what to expect, certainly not this awkward, misaligned creature with a broad, scarred head, gaping jaws, and misshapen front legs.
“Good Lord, what is it? And why hasn’t it got any ears?”
“I told you that she was different,” Juliet said. “This is Mollie, who is mostly pit bull. She was a stray and we think she was turned out of a fighting ring. That’s the most likely reason for her ears to have been cropped. Her front legs have both been broken and healed on their own, which is why she is so bandy. But look at her, she’s all smiles and happiness despite everything that may have happened to her.”
Juliet bent down and cuddled the dog, getting a slurpy tongue all over her face in return. She clipped a leash onto Mollie’s collar and handed it to Porter. Mollie looked up at him expectantly, her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth. He slowly sank into a crouch, touched when the dog put its paw on his arm. He reached out and rubbed behind Mollie’s battered ear.
“Who could have done such a thing to you, hmm?” he queried softly.
In answer, Mollie reached up and swiped her tongue across his face.
“It looks like you have made a friend,” Juliet said.
Porter looked up. She came towards him, holding the leash of a rough-haired, sad-looking dog. While Mollie bounced up and down, her tail wagging, this dog stood beside Juliet, quietly waiting for what might come next.
“What’s her story?” Porter asked.
“Sheba was orphaned,” Juliet told him.
“Orphaned?” Porter raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, her person passed away. She’s still mourning. No one has seen her wag her tail since she came to us, and she’s been here six months already.”
“What about Mollie? How long has she been in the shelter?”
“Eighteen months.” Juliet sighed. “I wish people could see how beautiful these dogs are, inside and out. Anyway, shall we go? It’s only a couple of blocks to the beach.”
On their way through the office, Juliet stopped and filled in the book on the counter, leaving the date, her name, the dogs’ names, and the time she checked them out.
“Security,” she said in answer to Porter’s unspoken question.
They headed towards the beach, Mollie knowing where she was going and charging ahead as much as she was able. Sheba shuffled along between them. Porter looked at the dog’s low-slung head and the slouch of her shoulders.
“She looks like a German Shepherd,” he said.
“Mm, Shepherd Labrador mix, Monica thinks,” Juliet agreed. “Here we are. You can let Mollie off the leash. She’s got an excellent recall response and never goes far, so we don’t need to worry about any of the other beach walkers.”
“What about Sheba?”
“I think she wants to make sure nothing happens to us so she won’t go too far, either.”
Juliet unclipped Sheba’s leash and the dog wandered a few feet ahead of them, frequently looking over her shoulder to see where they were.
“I see what you mean,” Porter said after watching her for a few moments. “That’s plain sad. You said they were old, so how old are they?”
“Best we can tell, Mollie is ten, maybe eleven and Sheba a little older. The neighbours said she was fully grown when she and her owner moved in and they lived in that house for ten years, so that might make her twelve or thirteen.”
“And people don’t want older dogs?”
Juliet shook her head. “There’s always the risk of medical problems and then the expense of medications and end of life arrangements. Most people want at least a few years of fun with a dog before they have to deal with that, and some never do. They give their dogs up anyway or dump them.”
Porter shook his head. “I can’t even begin to understand how people can do that.”
Juliet shrugged. “Me neither, but it happens. Some of the reasons make me sad, some make me mad, but I’ve learned to ignore that and concentrate on the dogs to make them as happy as I can.”
“Mollie’s certainly happy,” Porter said, nodding to where Mollie wrestled with a long strand of kelp that had washed ashore.
Juliet laughed and then whistled. Mollie hustled towards them, dragging her prize with her. They walked in silence for a while, their feet leaving prints in the wet sand and the breeze coming off the ocean misting them with salt-laden spray.
“So tell me,” Juliet began, “why were you in the office today?”
“I don’t like Christmas,” Porter said bluntly. “I treat it like any other day.”
“May I ask why?”
Porter stopped walking and stared towards the horizon where the blanket-blue bowl of the sky masked the birth of white-tipped rollers.
“Eight years ago today,” he said, watching the surf tumble onto the shore like a visitor on the doorstep, “my father didn’t wake up. Every Christmas since, Mom tries to make it a regular, everyday celebration, just like she always did when he was alive. But it’s not.”
“I’m so sorry.” Juliet slipped her hand into his. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
Porter looked down at their entwined fingers. “I should be used to it by now, but I’m not.”
“No.” Juliet shook her head. “Grieving takes as much time as it needs. I lost both my parents when I was eight, and my grandma brought me up, but she’s gone now. I haven’t got anyone to love, so I love the critters at the shelter instead.”
“And you’re happy?” Porter stopped walking and looked down at her.
“Yes,” Juliet said without hesitation. “But then, happiness is a choice, don’t you think?”
“I can’t say I’ve ever considered it.” He looked into Juliet’s eyes and saw a glow there, a glow enhanced by her wind-blown pink cheeks. She looked fresh and innocent and made him feel old and careworn. “Were you born wise, or did that come with the territory?”
Her shoulders rose and fell in a movement that seemed as natural to her as blinking. “A bit of both, I think. I certainly had my fair share of counsellors.”
“And now you have the dogs.”
She nodded in agreement and stopped to watch them. 
“That’s my mom before dad died,” Porter said, nodding towards Mollie, who, with the kelp clamped between her jaws, ran in exuberant circles. “and that’s what she’s like now.” He pointed towards Sheba, who stood with her face into the wind, her nose twitching as if searching for a familiar scent.
A tremor ran through Juliet’s hand. Porter turned to her. “Are you cold?”
“A little bit,” she admitted. Porter slipped his jacket off and slung it around her shoulders, surreptitiously checking his watch as he did so.
Juliet did not miss the motion. “Have you got to be somewhere?”
“No,” he began, but then hesitated. “Uh, make that a yes. But just a minute.”
He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket, hit a number on his speed dial and waited for the call to connect.
“Hi, Mom,” he said. “Would you mind if I bring guests for dinner? One two-legged, and two four-legged?” He paused and listened. Juliet waved a hand in front of his face, mouthing “you can’t do that,” but Porter took no notice, only catching her hand and kissing her fingers. “Okay, we’ll be there in half an hour.”
“Brad, I cannot intrude on your family Christmas,” Juliet insisted.
“Tell me you have somewhere better to be,” Porter said and grinned at her. “By the way, will Monica let you bring the dogs?”
“Probably,” Juliet said. She whistled for Mollie, who lolloped towards her like a drunken sailor, and clipped the leashes onto the dogs’ collars for the short walk back to the Shelter.
Monica agreed to them taking the dogs but insisted they be back by nine o’clock for the final night check.
“We’ll probably be earlier than that,” Juliet said as she turned towards the door and joined Porter. “You’ll have to give me directions.”
They bundled the dogs into the back seat and Porter slid into the passenger seat. “Go back to the office, and I’ll direct you from there.”
Juliet did as he asked and then followed his directions from the old warehouse that housed IT Inc’s premises. From time to time she glanced curiously at him as they headed towards a more upmarket side of town. She began to frown as they turned into a two-lane, palm-lined avenue leading to closed gates with a security station in their centre.
“You live here?” she breathed, ducking her head to peer at the estate-style houses beyond the gate.
“No, my mother does. Can you open your window, please?”
She did as he asked. He leaned across her and waved at the security guard. “Hi, Frank. We’re just on the way to see Mom.”
“Do you want me to call her for you, Mr. Collier?”
“No, thanks,” Porter responded, “She knows we’re coming.”
Juliet sat still, staring straight ahead of her.
“Um, you can drive on now,” Porter said. “The gate’s open.”
“Yes, I see that,” Juliet snapped and put her foot down. The Malibu shot forward, slamming Porter back in his seat and shifting the dogs. Mollie huffed, and Sheba’s wet nose connected with his neck.
Porter could barely contain a chuckle at the furious expression on Juliet’s tight little face. “Mom’s house is the next drive on the right.”
Juliet swung into it with a maneuver that might have impressed a movie stunt-driver but brought a shout of laughter from Porter. She jerked to a stop and turned to face him, her eyes flashing daggers. She took a deep breath as if struggling to form words, and then, “ohmygodyouaremyboss,” rolled out of her perfect little mouth on a single exhale.
“I’m sorry,” Porter said, “but if I had told you who I was back in the office, would you have invited me to go for a walk with you and the dogs?”
“No, of course not,” she stammered.
“And so we would not have had a perfect day, at least it’s been perfect for me. How about you?”
Juliet dropped her head but put her hand over his. “The best in a long time,” she whispered.
“Come on then,” Porter said, squeezing her hand. “Mom and Aunt Min are waiting for us.”
He opened the back door of the car and Mollie and Sheba jumped out. Sheba looked around, her nose twitching. Then she headed up the front steps with Mollie and Porter in her wake. As they approached the front door, it swung open, and Porter’s mother stepped onto the porch with a welcoming smile on her face. Sheba stopped, her ears pricked.
“Well, hello, sweet girl,” Mrs. Collier said. “And how are you?”
Sheba pushed her nose into Mrs. Collier’s outstretched hand and wagged her tail, leaving Juliet speechless.  
“That’s the first time Mom has smiled in ages,” Porter told her quietly, then leaned in and kissed his mother on the cheek. “Thanks for having us all, Mom.”
Mollie charged through the open doorway. They heard her claws skittering on the tiled hall floor and a strident voice yelling, “what the hell is that thing?”
“That’s Mollie, Aunt Min,” Porter called. “Don’t worry. She grows on you.”
Porter held out his hand to Juliet.
“Come on,” he said. “Mom and Aunt Min are anxious to meet you, so now it’s time to introduce them to my Christmas Angel.”

The End





Victoria Chatham



Saturday, December 21, 2019

Christmas with George Washington by Diane Scott Lewis


Since I'm writing about America during the American Revolution, and Christmas is close, I delved into the traditions following one of our famous heroes, George Washington.

The turn of the tide for the Patriots: General, and future first president, George Washington, spent a freezing Christmas crossing the frozen Delaware River in 1776. His rebel forces fought the Battle of Trenton in New Jersey, which led to a string of victories. The holiday was forgotten amidst the chaos of battle.

The famous painting of this event wasn't produced until 1851.
Washington Crossing the Delaware by Emanuel Leutze

In happier times, at his Virginia estate called Mount Vernon--a great place to visit if you have the chance--Christmas was a popular holiday.
Mount Vernon, VA
Washington spent a typical Christmas season foxhunting on his estate with friends and family, visiting his grist mill, and attending services at the Pohick Church. Food and alcoholic drinks, especially rum punch, were in abundance.

Throughout his life, Christmas, or close to Christmas, would impact George. In 1740, on Christmas Eve, his home at Ferry Farm across the Rappahannock River from Fredericksburg, VA, (where I used to live) burned down. He was only eight years old. His family took shelter in the detached kitchen and "...spent a cheerless Christmas day."

In 1751, George and his half brother were returning on a ship from Barbados (Lawrence had gone there, hoping the climate would help his consumption, later called TB.) Washington wrote that they ate Irish goose and toasted absent friends.

In 1753, young George was fighting in the French and Indian Wars. They spent Christmas Eve in a place called "Murdering Town." That doesn't sound pleasant.  On Christmas day, they gave gifts to an Indian "Queen."
Lt. Col. Washington by Reǵnier, 1834

 
In 1759, George married the widow, Martha Custis, on Twelfth Night, the last day of Christmas celebrations.

Colonial Christmas traditions were to attend church, decorate windows with greenery and berries, and invite family and friends for dinner. Fish, oysters, brandied peaches, and mincemeat pies were popular dishes.


In my novel Her Vanquished Land, I tell the Loyalist side of the American Revolution as seen through the eyes of a young woman, Rowena Marsh, who decodes messages for the British. These people who didn't wish to break away from England were shocked by the uprising, bullied, hanged, or forced to flee their homes.
"Rowena is a star. Readers will love to read this alternative view of American history." InD'tale Magazine

To purchase from Amazon
 
For more information on me and my books, visit my website: Diane Scott Lewis
 
Diane Scott Lewis grew up in California, traveled the world with the navy, edited for an on-line publisher, and wrote book reviews for the Historical Novel Society. She lives with her husband and one naughty puppy in Western Pennsylvania.

Friday, December 20, 2019

Touring the Candy Company in St. Augustine, Florida, with J.Q. Rose

Dangerous Sanctuary by J. Q. Rose
Cozy Mystery
Pastor Christine Hobbs never imagined she would be caring for a flock 
that includes a pig, a kangaroo, and a murderer.

Hello and welcome to the BWL Insiders Blog.

Touring the Candy Company in St. Augustine, Florida, with J.Q. Rose

Traveling is actually a working holiday for me because, as a writer, I am always studying the people and places where we go. I may catch a name or an idea for a character or a unique setting for my next novel. Snippets of dialogue form in my head as I listen to the regional dialects. But of course, I love seeing new places and all the experiences that go along with that.

I'm sharing a place I fell in love with in St. Augustine, Florida, the oldest European continuously occupied city in the USA. Please join me for an armchair travel tour of the Whetstone Candy Co. in beautiful downSt. Augustine.

The story of the establishment of this chocolate company reads like the American dream. A hard-working, dedicated couple, Henry and Esther Whetstone, first opened their small ice cream store on St. George Street in the historic business district of St. Augustine in 1966. Henry and Esther entered the chocolate market when they created a home-made fudge recipe in the family’s small kitchen. The kitchen was the original Whetstone Chocolate factory and the production crew was two hard-working people. You can read more about their amazing growth at the Whetstone Chocolate website.

The ticket for the tour, $8.00, is worth every penny of it, especially when Ty was our guide. He was an elementary school teacher for 36 years!  He brings all the energy and enthusiasm he used to teach kids to the tour presentation. Kudos to Ty for his fun tour of the factory. (Of course, how can you NOT have fun when eating samples of delicious chocolate?? We were pretty wired by the end of the tour!!)

Ty begins the tour on the factory floor. Information on the fine ingredients in this artisanal chocolate and the method used to turn cocoa beans into heavenly flavors of chocolate were explained in an adjoining room.


The factory. Yes, I was expecting conveyor belts, clanging bells, a frenzy of machinery, and lots of workers. But no, only about three people working at quiet machines that you will see below.


Ty introduced us to Miss Nan. She is bagging their delicious foil-wrapped candy shells and placing them in the boxes.


The machine is making white chocolate. Stirring is an important aspect of making delicious candy. I learned white chocolate does not have cocoa powder as an ingredient, but does contain the cocoa butter.


Milk chocolate machine. The difference between Whetstone's fine chocolates and the Over the Counter kind, as Ty referred to the cheaper manufactured chocolate, is the amount of lecithin, an emulsifier. Cheaper chocolates use none or less lecithin in the product.


Dark chocolate.
Yes, they push the health benefits of eating DARK chocolate.


Ty demonstrates how the hollow chocolate football is made. A measured amount of chocolate is added to the plastic mold he is holding.
A worker continually turns the liquid chocolate leaving a thin layer on the mold. To make it evenly shaped, it takes 35 minutes of hand turning to do it right!


The mold and the finished product, a hollow football complete with white chocolate laces!
Beautiful! No, Ty did not make this one...


Miss Nan revs up the machine that wraps foil around the chocolate shells.


Miss Nan loads the shells into the machine. Ty explained the path the candy took through the gears and belts with a patter that a rap star couldn't have done better! 


Success! Look at the parade of red foil-wrapped candy which Miss Nan will bag later.


Yes, we re-enacted the candy wrapping scene from the I Love Lucy Show.
You can't tell I have the candy stuffed in my mouth and down my bra, just like Lucy. LOL!!


The real actors in I Love Lucy. Have you seen this episode? It's a classic.
Hope you enjoyed the tour. Are you hungry for chocolate now? Do you like dark chocolate?


I bet with the holidays upon us, you'll get many chocolate treats whether candy or desserts. Take time to really taste them and feel the joy this small morsel can bring to us.
Happy Hanukah and Merry Christmas to all who celebrate this special season of the year!

Wishing you joy, peace, hope, and love this season and throughout the 
Happy New Year 2020!
###


Click here to keep in touch with J.Q. Rose at the Focused on Story Blog. Thank you!

Thursday, December 19, 2019

It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year by Stuart R. West

Warm your holidays up with some chills!

Sing with me, everyone! Huzzah! The holidays are nearly over!

No more fruitcakes (no, no, not the food...that ONE uncle. Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about). Say goodbye to the wrasslin' wranglers of the store aisles, the ones who give soccer players a run for their money. So long to false smiles when you open a box of tighty-whities (I killed the snickers when I threatened to model them). And no more uncomfortable hugs. Especially uncomfortable hugs.

I think I'm the only one who has a problem knowing when to hug. Hugging protocol isn't in my armory. In my family, if you accidentally touch someone, the knee-jerk reaction is to jump like an Olympic kangaroo. Yet, there's my wife's family, the huggin'-est family around. No problem with that, as I love 'em all, truly I do. I think it's nice, actually. So I studied and watched them. Maybe it's an Oklahoma thing, I naively thought.  When the Fed Ex man rang the doorbell, I put what I'd learned into play, welcoming him with a big ol' bear hug.

Well, turns out I still have a bit more to learn.

Anyway, Christmas time. I used to look forward to the holiday. Not so much anymore. Call me a curmudgeon or a realist, I'm okay with both.

Several years back, our Christmas was different in many ways. For instance, I only heard the cloying "Santa Baby" song whenever we went shopping. Usually it's a mainstay that digs into your head like a dentist's drill. But on Christmas day, the song of choice seemed to be "Let It Snow,"  a song I loath because the sentiment is treasured only by children and drunk television weathermen. Obviously the singer lives in Florida.

This particular holiday was filled with more than its fair share of excitement, not the particularly good, cozy gather-around-the-fireplace type, either.

A niece I adore decided to get married on December 21st in Midwest Kansas, home of winter blizzards. So, that Saturday morning at 6:30 a.m. (my wife's a hard-charger), we set off for Hays, attempting to stay one step ahead of "Storm (I think they named it) Dumbledore." You know, the storm that blew the socks off everyone in the States (Canada, I'm looking at you!).

We got there okay, albeit bleary-eyed, delirious, and pumped up on caffeine and sugar. My daughter woke up in the back seat, yawned, and with a happily contented tone said, "Wow, that trip wasn't so bad." Even though she was 21 at the time, I I still grounded her for life.

BOOM! Flat tire after lunch. 22 degrees outside. (Merry Christmas, everybody!) Freezing, yet determined to show my masculine side, I changed the tire in, say, fifty-five minutes. Much cursing ensued. Icing on the cake? My wife ("accidentally," she says) kicked me in the nose. Grease-stained, sniffing, and broken-nosed, we're just in time for wedding pictures.

The next morning (6:30 a.m. again) I'm dreary and suffering a bad back from the lousy hotel bed. And the ice machine, birthing baby cubes right outside our door, kept us up all night. (Happy Horror-days!) But I pulled up my big-boy britches 'cause it was time to go to Oklahoma to celebrate Christmas with my wife's family. 

At one stretch, the highway was covered with huge chunks and stalactites of snow. It felt like we were four-wheeling (it's a Midwest thing, folks, don't worry about it). And we nearly got stuck in the parking lot of a "Pilot" store getting gas.

And these stores...you know, I never knew there was such a variety of "quick in and out stores." I think we visited them all across the Midwest. There was the aforementioned "Pilot," the downtrodden "Stop-Shop (home of the world's filthiest bathrooms)," numerous "Kum-n-Go's (tee-hee)," and, of course, my personal new favorite discovery, "The Wood Shed." I'm telling you, "The Wood Shed" is Nirvana. It's what the Stuckey's of my childhood used to be. Their logo is great, a Beaver or something glaring at you with googly eyes. When you open the door--just like a carnival funhouse--a ginormous fan blasts you with a ghostly groan and a seriously threatening whirlwind of heat. (While I was waiting for my wife, I amused myself by watching newcomers freak out when they crossed the Barrier of the Damned.)  After you survive tornado alley, a giant blow-up snowman with an evil grin looms over you! Fantastic! And the bathrooms...the glorious, wondrous, old-fashioned, smelly bathrooms with antiquated machines boasting of  mysterious treasures such as "Big Wally" and other enticing sundries. Plus there was a plethora of crap for tourists to get suckered into. Gave me Christmas chills.

Then the trip turned nightmarish. My wife ran over a red squirrel in the highway. His eyes still haunt me. Took me seconds to shake it...

Had a great time with my wife's family. But I was sleep-deprived and loopy the whole time (kinda' like how I was during college). I found myself drifting off on many occasions--taking a Scrooge-like trippy side-trip--looking down on the proceedings as if I'd died or something. Maybe I did for a minute. With a turkey leg in my mouth.

Finally...it was over! And this Christmas shall to come to pass.

Merry Christmas everyone and God help us one and all!

In fact, you know what I think? I think Peculiar County would look mighty nice under a Christmas Tree this year... 
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Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Silent Night Nancy M Bell


To find out more about Storm's Christmas and other books by Nancy please click on the cover.


Christmas festivities change over the years. When we're young things are so simple.
We always put the tree up on December 20th as that was my birthday. Mom and Dad never wanted to put the tree up earlier than that as we always had a real tree and they worried that it would dry out.
We had these really cool bubble lights that were all different colors but got really hot when you left them on too long. There was a fluffy white angel on top.
One Christmas Eve when we were still outside in the driveway just getting out of the car Wendy and I got a huge surprise. There, coming down the Cooney’s driveway, who were our next door neighbors, was Santa Claus!

We both screamed and then bolted for the back door. If Santa came while were still up and awake he wouldn’t leave us anything. We tore through the back door into the kitchen and down the back hall to the bedroom. With our wet snow boots and coats still on Wendy and I scrambled into bed and pulled the covers over our heads. I had a harder time getting into bed as I had to climb up into the top bunk, but I made it. Mom and Dad came in and tried to get us to take off our coats and boots and change into night clothes. Wendy and I wouldn’t budge, we were pretending to be asleep so that Santa would leave our presents. We were sure that he was coming to our house any moment because we KNEW he just next door and he hadn’t been to our house next. He must have already been to Jo-anne and John Lee’s place because they lived on the other side of the Cooneys, so we had to be next. Mom and Dad must have removed our boots after we were asleep because they were gone in the morning. And Santa did leave our presents for us that year.

Then we get older and things get a little more complicated. Boyfriends and eventually husbands enter the scene and there are now two families with sometimes conflicting traditions to juggle. And then babies come, and bring with them a whole new dimension to the planning and logistics of the holidays. Somehow we survive the chaos and suddenly the babies aren't babies anymore. They grow up and acquire girlfriends and obligations beyond out small family circle. The years pass so quickly it's hard to fathom the reality of it.

And then our family circle grows smaller as children and their spouses go their own ways, often taking them far away from the home place. Though we are always together in our hearts, there is now a new meaning to Silent Night. No squeals of laughter on Christmas morning, tons of leftovers from a Christmas turkey cooked for only two. Looking down the years, I see the thread of my ancestors walking the same journey that I do, from maiden to mother to crone. Ahead of me I see the line of my descendants, walking the same journey as life spans wax and wane. There is a certain surety in the notion, the players may change but the story goes on forever.

Wishing you and yours the happiest of holiday seasons. Welcome back the light on Solstice Night.





www.nancymbell.ca

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