I'm Going On A Writer's Retreat to Retreat From My Life by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

      I'm back! Ya-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay! And if you were anywhere near Canada last month, you may have heard--or experienced--the giant internet outage that raged throughout the country. The chaos it caused! I'm talking mass hysteria! Riots in the streets! 

Okay, not really. Though it happened while I was coming home from PEI and leaving the province without access to a debit card was a bit wonky. If you've read my previous post about the Island of Prince Edward, you may know that in order to leave you need to pay money. And in a world increasingly reliant on an invisible cyber universe, not having access to your bank account can make things difficult. 

 But I escaped! And the internet is back, so I can blissfully immerse myself in stupid cat memes, tik toks and other general nonsense that keeps me from doing anything remotely worthwhile during the course of my day to day life! 

Which may be the reason I thought it was a good idea to sign up for a writer's retreat! 

Whenever I write it's always a retreat... from the crushing reality of my own inadequacies...  
*not really*.... cries

So what is a writer's retreat? Well, I suppose that depends... For me, it's offering a chance to escape the mania of my household for a weekend and browse facebook somewhere that is devoid of familial distraction and responsibilities...

For the sake of my sanity. 

But really? It's a chance to write and I'm REALLY FREAKING excited! Not because I'm going to constantly worry about wasting time, but because it's been almost three years that I've had an opportunity to focus on my writing. My husband has graciously been supportive in my decision to go, and it's only a weekend! So I mean, definitely not enough time for them to destroy the house or summon Cthulhu accidently, right? 

Nah... it will be okay. That's a problem for future me. I ain't gonna worry about it until I get back. Present me is excited! Thrilled! Already prepping my current work in progress for all the productivity I am going to encompass!

*True dat*

Maybe I'll leave the computer at home... or buy one of those fancy, old style typewriters to keep me from becoming distracted... What would you do? I suppose I could hire someone to come along and slap me across the face whenever I start browsing the toks! But that kinda defeats the purpose of being by myself for the weekend... and...

...is there such a service? 

  What if I invented one!? What if there's a catalogue of hires you can choose from. They come with you, tell you that you're a great writer and will read all your crummy drafts, SMASH that writers block. 

I think I'd need a tall dark and handsome one... who likes to walk around with his shirt off...

Maybe less Zoidberg and more Mamoa...

Maybe George R. R. Martin should go on a writer's retreat. Maybe if it works for me, I'll suggest it on his social media platform! 

 

At least it's an ending... *Cries again*

Also, how the H-E-double hockey stick does Winds of Winter already have OVER 9000 reviews on Goodreads!? IT'S NOT EVEN OUT YET PEOPLE!!!

Why am I always crying? 

If I Die, Please Delete My Google Search History by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

      So summer has sprung and I have been up to my eyeballs in projects. As I said last month, I won second place in a long fiction competition, and was invited to read aloud at a local University. It was fun. Many eyerolls were had when I finished, because thanks to liquid courage, I attempted to read a smexy passage with all the ardour that the piece required. 

hur hur!

But I wasn't fazed! In fact, I have been told on multiple occassions that I am pretty good when it comes to reading aloud? Why? Well, because frankly I don't give a *$5^%. There! I said it--kinda--I just don't care. Now my husband, who sat in the front row to listen to me read? Well, he might have cared a little, but all in all it was fun to stand in front of everyone, get an award and a cheque, then read a bunch of *pron* to a crowd of people I don't know.   

I honestly gotta give it to the judges though. They had good taste! And no, of course I'm not biased.

In other news--and before I get in trouble with the moderators for being too risque--I have finally finished penning another novel! Whoot. Together, my co-author and I have finally finished the first draft of Ballroom Riot 2--title pending. It feels good to finish a work in progress...

I should have used this gif earlier...

Now I am on to editing, and then after that, I shall be working on a new project with several other writers at Books We Love Publishing. I won't say too much about it right now, just because I haven't had a whole ton of time to think on it, but it's a mystery that takes place in PEI.

And also, I am going to PEI this summer! Whoot! How fortuitous. I shall spend all my time at libraries and in the fields sniffing the potatoes, and buried beneath the red, sandy beaches getting a feel for my island neighbours! 

and also paying to leave :/

 It will be exciting. Though my timeline to finish is a few years time, and I have a few other projects I hope to conclude before then, I will make sure I stick to a plan and deliever before HBO comes out with any shows based on my books. 

Get it? Because it will never happen... *cries* T_T

But then again... neither will Winds of Winter, right George?

Lies. All lies...

Mother's Day was Yesterday but I'm Still Gonna Talk About It! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

  So Mother's Day was yesterday and I'm a mom. Since I usually write my blog posts the day before, I bet you can already tell that this will be the equivalent of the present day filler episodes you always groaned about when you would tune into your favorite TV show for the evening way back when tv guides were a thing they printed in newspapers. Back then--God, I'm getting old--we had to endure all sorts of stuff, cliffhangers, commercials! and the occasional patchwork of show summaries told through flashbacks mid seasons. 

But some of you may want to know what I did this weekend. And if that's the case then you're in for a treat because I can honestly say that my Mother Day's escapades were so darn exciting that they left me with a very sore bum.  

Okay... don't look up sore bum memes on google...
*goes to tear out my eyes*

We went horseback riding! Actually we went glamping at a little ranch and they offered horse rides. It was fun! I had a little black horse named Ray and my husband got a much bigger horse named Blake. Now, I HAVE went horseback riding before, I'm not completely green, however, it was a long, LONG time ago... like longer than the lines at Disney World, or longer than grandpa's toenails or... *wait for it* longer than we've been waiting for George R. R. Martin to pen and publish Winds of Winter...

Ba Dum Tss! That's a wrap. We did the George joke. Roll credits!

So my bum got sore from all the trotting we did. In case you never noticed or knew, I have a small bum, with not much padding, and so I'm pretty sure I wore down my arse to my bum bones. Baby got back, I do not. Fat bottom girls... well, I defintiely don't make the world go round. 

We also got to stay in a lighthouse, which is where the glamping aspect comes in. I don't really enjoy camping as a rule. I hate sleeping in a tent and waking up soggy from all the humidity, but this was a nice little cabin-esk feel with a bed and running toilet and a view to die for all packaged in a thing that quite closely resembled a lighthouse. We ate lots of hotdogs, went hiking, and had a relaxing weekend. Which, if you're a mother you REALLY begin to appreciate after having a little one. Pre-kid me might have been bored out of their mind, but mom me was like... 

More wine please...

I also have great news! Which you will probably hear about more next month but if you managed to read down this far then WHOOT! You get to know first! 

One of the stories I have been working on won second place in the David Addam's Richard Prize for fiction! It's hosted annually by the Writer's Federation of New Brunswick, but as part of my cash reward I am also invited to a gala to do a reading! Yay!

Yay.

 It's pretty bewildering to me actually, because if you've read my earlier blogs you'd know that I was skeptical about winning in the first place. Why? Because the piece I submitted is pretty adult. And in general, adult themed books are not always taken seriously. 

I know, I know, you wanna know what it's about, but I can only give you a clue because, well... stuff! 

Well... it's KINDA a fanfic...

Ready? Set? How to Start a Book! by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

I have so much going on this month I think my brain is going to spontaneously combust! Which, now that I think about it, may be for the better because it's been so cold here that a little inner fire may finally warm me up. Has anyone else been enduring the chill winter frost to the point that're holding out on the chance that they may randomly explode in a fiery inferno? Just me? Darn these Canadian winters!

But back to the point, which is that this month has been a flurry of things whirling about my head demanding my attention and seldomly seeing any of it. Why? Well, because I got a new gaming system from my husband and I've been furiously hacking and slashing at baddies all month, but also because I have been trying to get a submission done for a writing contest. 

Now usually, I don't put a lot of effort into writing competitively, but I really just got the gumption to try it out this year. I am pretty cynical about my chances of winning, mostly because I am submitting an erotica and I think the judges may be too stiff to consider it thoughtfully. 

HUR HUR... stiff...

But during my foray into competitive writing, I was asked by a lovely individual-- who reached out to me curious about starting her first book--how to begin writing a story! 

Well... as you can imagine, at first I was flattered. I mean, someone was asking ME how to write a book, which would infer that SOMEONE also THOUGHT I knew how to write one! A human being, who IS real, I'll have you know! Was asking me how to start writing a book because she believed I was learned enough to give advice!

I'm so touched...

But then I wondered... well... how DO you start writing a book, Vanessa? And I had to pause, because honestly I just flew from the seat of my pants when it came to writing. I had an idea--thought up in the shower, or while pretending to poop while my husband looked after our toddler--and then I sat down and let my fingers dredge it up from the pit of my stomach onto some word document that I'd either trash later or let simmer until it condensed into something tangible. 

But... that wasn't very good advice! Oh no, I thought. I'm a fraud! A con! I don't deserve this nice woman's faith! I can't possibly tell her to go have a poop and see what pops in her head... what do I do? 

What Would Picard Do?

So I asked her first what she was writing. It helps to know what genre you're getting yourself into. Conjuring up stories on the John is all well and good, but if you're writing historical non-fiction, you may have to go number two at the library. Regardless, the best thing to do is to have some kind of outline at some point. I've talked about pantsers before, and how some people just write by the seat of their pants--

Ahem... Me.

--but it IS good practice to at least write something down in terms of getting all your ducks in a row. I mean, compiling notes and character profiles and plot points is good, when you want to make sure everything is cohesive in the end. If Scarlet Fortune, the hard-boiled detective, is off to fight crime at the beginning of the book, it may be best to ensure she's not running off in Wonderland to find the white rabbit at the end. 

Does that make sense? ...No? 

Well your story should. So having a basic outline is usually good at some point. Like I said, I tend to start off spontaneously, wait till the plot begins to form into something I can work with, then go back and scribble an outline to build upon. I mean, there are always outliers to this method. Virgina Woolf's stream of consciousness as displayed in her lighthouse book doesn't seem to follow this rule, but I personally hated that novel and wouldn't recommend it to anybody. 

But at least 'Gina finished her book, right George?

I will spontaneous combust before I ever get to read 
Winds of Winter...

 So I suppose the best advice I can give about how to start a novel is to just start it. Write some stuff down, see how you feel about it. Write some more. Erase. Plan some--or not, if that's how you roll. Write more. Succub to your own self-doubt. Cry. Write a lot more. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Finish. Then gulp down a glass a wine of four to celebrate! 

Because ultimately the easiest part of writing a book is writing it. So, sorry if this is bad news bears... but when it comes to editing, publishing, MARKETING--which is the devil, by the way--that's where things get pretty messy, and complicated. 

But writing is art! And art is nebulous. Some people like to draw things and their drawings look like the things they look like, and other people throw up on a canvass and sell that to the highest bidder. 

Shhh... I'm making art...

 So my advice is to just write. Whether you plot it first, have to do eons of research or compile photographs, the most important part of starting a book is making sure all 26 letters of the alphabet are levelled out on the page in some kind of pattern that is at least pleasing to you, the author. Worry about all the other stuff later. 

Because you can do it. 

You can do the thing!  

 

Merry Christmas Is Over Why Are We Still Talking About It by Vanessa C. Hawkins

 Vanessa Hawkins Author Page

So by now Christmas has passed, and the winter doldrums are all ready to set in as you wait for that first dandelion to pop its head up through the soil. Winter blues, ready to come a-knocking post holiday, are all dressed up waiting for an invitation and doesn't give a darn about provincial lockdowns or one house-hold bubbles. 

It's a comin'! But as a writer who always has too much on their mind, my depression left the station well before Christmas. While waiting for Santa, it was set carefully on the back porch waiting for me to take down my Christmas lights, or throw out my dusty old Christmas tree that was up well past January. It was there... waiting to pounce...

Depression cat: Imma gonna make you sad then knock
over all yo' glass dinnerware... 

 But that cat can eat $h!+ because I'm not ready for it yet!

Take that all seasonal depression!

I'm gonna live in the past and review my recipe for a Merry Christmas! I haven't forgot about the holly and the jolly! It's not over, because my blog shall be about all the joy and fun I did last month! IF it looks familliar it's because I originally posted this a few weeks ago on Long and Short Reviews, but due to my this sure-fire Christmas plan--that can't be beat!-- I decided to post it here as well. Mostly because I did a George and didn't write a post in time, and also because I've been busy with a bunch of other projects that I'll tell you about NEXT month. 

Probably...

Unless I do another George...

Merry Christmas, George!

So, here it is! A tried and tested way to have a Merry Christmas! At least if you're me, or someone in the general area AROUND me. 

You’ll need lots of chocolate peppermint and gingerbread. Why? Because it's amazing frankly, and what's a Christmas without it? If you don’t have any on hand, you can always substitute for eggnog, but it’s gotta be homemade. Sorry... but store bought stuff is *blech!*

blech.

Christmastime in my family--

My family....................... *Okay not really*

--is always a series of events that culminate in a merry holiday adventure. I’m lucky, my husband and I have been together since high school, so I grew up, and like, including my in-laws. Now that we have a little one to come on the December adventure with us, we can all delight as she prances in the few traditional ingredients that make up our secret family recipe.

peas... not really an ingredient

First in the bowl are gingerbread houses. We buy ‘em premade, struggle to glue them together with the cheap icing sugar included with the box, and laugh at our failed attempt at creating something whimsical. Combine that with our annual cookie baking that leaves us stuffed with sugar and you’re on your way to a Merry Christmas!… or at least diabetes.

Who needs both their feet anyway?

Add a pinch of snow, probably too little before the actual holiday though. We live in Eastern Canada so sometimes the wind bites us before our snowmen get the chance to.  After that, a dash to the store on Christmas Eve because you forgot that one thing on your Christmas list you just HAVE to have! Santa typically does the rest, but we open a gift the night before just so it’s that much harder to get to sleep from the excitement.

Especially true if you're 5

Bake for twenty-five days at negative ten degrees or so–we have always had advent calendars to help us keep the timing just right, though my daughter is like me and can’t wait to eat the chocolate—and you have a happy holiday! I suggest serving it with all your loved ones, of course. That’s what we do. Honestly, the ingredients are simple and easily replaced with other things, it’s the joy of the company that gives it taste. But I still maintain you’ll need lots of chocolate and peppermint.

And eggnog… but only if it’s homemade... and only if you like your inlaws.

But not mine!............Usually.

Merry January 9th everybody! 

Party like the Eighteenth Century! In January, by Diane Scott Lewis

 

Rose aspires to be a doctor, impossible in the 18th century, but uncovers evil village secrets in Cornwall-- and love in the most inappropriate place.

Check out all my historical novels: BWLDSL

But let's explore the lighter side of the eighteenth century, especially the celebrations of Twelfth Night, as Christmas cheer continued into January. 

Twelfth Night, usually January 5th or 6th, was celebrated as the end of the Christmas Season since the Middle Ages. It marked the Feast of Epiphany, when the Three Wise Men visited the baby Jesus in Bethlehem. It also evolved from Pagan fertility rights, celebrating the end of winter and the soon to arrive spring.

In the 18th c., it was the perfect excuse to throw lavish parties. Great spreads of food, especially enticing desserts, were the centerpiece. Over-indulging in food and drink, people partied hard, before returning to the drab winter of their lives.

 

The Twelfth Night cake was the highlight served to guests. Martha Washington's (wife of the famous George) recipe included 40 eggs, four pounds of sugar, and five pounds of dried fruit. A bean or coin, sometimes a metal Baby Jesus, was baked into the cake, (people were warned to chew carefully) and whomever received that piece became the King. This king caused mischief as he presided over the festivities.

The ale-based drink with spices and honey, called Wassail, was put in huge bowls and passed around the revelers. The name is derived from the Old English term "Waes hael", meaning "be well."

People donned costumes and danced and performed plays in the village streets. Some dragged plows house to house, seeking treats and alcohol. While the Upper Crust held elaborate balls.

Mervyn Clitheroe's Twelfth Night party,
by "Phiz"

Live birds were hidden in empty pie casings, so when opened, scared the recipient. Traditional foods were anything spicy or hot, such as ginger snaps. Or anything with apples; apple tarts, apple-walnut cakes. And lots of Port and Sherry to drink.

The common folk partied, drank to excess, releasing the frustration of their hard-working lives. One Pennsylvania upper-class man of the time said of the commoner, "were a set of the lowest blackguards, who, disguised in filthy clothes and ofttimes with masked faces, went from house to house in large companies, ...obtruding themselves everywhere, particularly into the rooms occupied by parties of ladies and gentlemen, (and) would demean themselves with great insolence."

This holiday as a time to party is largely ignored today.

To find out more about me and my books, please visit my website: DianeScottLewis

Diane lives in Western Pennsylvania with her husband and one naughty dachshund.